Day 54 - The Wacky Tabacky

Ok, PCP lovies, I've been hesitant to write this post because of it's illicit nature. When I thought about it, though, I decided it was an important one to get out there. It's not like I'm the only person in the world getting stoned, and I doubt the popo are all that interested in banging down my door for a little paraphernalia and a teeny-weeny bud. They got bigger fish to fry. I'm a proud member of NORML, an organization that lobbies for the reform of marijuana laws. If I'm okay with giving my money to them, I should be okay with discussing this openly with people, especially with people who are accompanying me on this journey of exploring health issues and learning about the potential of the human body.

Hmmm...where to begin? Well, I suppose I'll begin at the beginning. I avoided marijuana (MJ, henceforth) until college and smoked occasionally while there. I smoked a good amount of hash mixed with tobacco in Peace Corps. When I got back to the States I stopped smoking, mostly because I didn't have that much access and wasn't interested in searching it out. Then, I went to Belize, met a rasta and started smoking MJ on a more regular basis. Now, my circle of friends includes a lot of folks that smoke it, and it's become a more permanent part of my life. That's my history with the MJ.

Here's where it becomes interesting. I have a very different relationship with this particular drug than most Americans (or at least the stereotypical stoner American). I would say that the majority of Americans believe that MJ makes a person unmotivated, lethargic and HUNGRY. :) I disagree. What I think MJ does is allow a person to really focus on particular physical sensations. Therefore, if a person is watching TV and gets high, they may get really focused on the physical sensation of viewing that show. The pleasure that its bringing to their eyes, ears and brain. Along the same lines, eating brings great pleasure because the MJ allows a person to really separate and focus on the different flavors and sensations it brings to their mouths. This holds true for me, BUT I started really smoking seriously with my special rasta friend. :) When he smokes, he gets active. We would go to the bush, get high, plant corn in the sweltering, tropical sun. VERY PHYSICAL. Or, get high, get naked and, well, you know what happens after the get naked part. These are the things that I associate with MJ. So, now, when I get stoned, I like to garden, mow the lawn, clean the house, stretch (stretching feels particularly amazing high) or, you know, do it. Some even say that they can work or write while high...I haven't found this to be the case with me personally. These are my experiences with the drug.

Now, I want to share some things I've discovered about myself being extra mindful of how my body and mind react to smoking on the PCP. I've cut back considerably and am not mixing it with junk food or alcohol. I've had some interesting insights that I believe will change my smoking habits from now on and further into the future.

1) When I smoke, I cannot multi-task. I focus very intensely on one activity and get it done well, but if I'm trying to do more than one thing at a time, forget about it. It takes twice as long. This particular aspect of smoking makes it difficult to do PCP and be high, because I'm constantly trying to balance different parts of my life these days.

2) If I oversmoke, I wake up the next day with a horrible emotional hangover. I'm more easily upset by little things, or I dwell on big things that bother me and just start crying. While I'm crying I realize that nothing immediate really set it off, it just seems to be my body trying to process the drug out of me. That's been an interesting discovery.

3) I very, very much enjoy getting stoned and stretching or doing the strength work. I've actually only done the workout (not the jumping, though) on MJ one time, and it was an awesome workout. I was so focused on each muscle and the reps that it flew by and then I was able to sit and focus on the sensations in each of my muscles as they relaxed and recovered. This isn't something I'd do a lot or on a regular basis. I like to get the workout done in the morning, and I'm not about to get stoned and try to go into work. It's something I'd be willing to treat as an occasional indulgence for a weekend afternoon/evening workout.

4) And, last but not even close to least, social interaction. I've noticed interesting trends here. In large groups, I don't socialize well while I'm high, especially if people are present with whom I don't already share a deep, developed trust. Or, even if I do trust the person and our relationship is a little out of balance, I get all paranoid and shut down. When this happens, I tend to isolate myself from the group and go off into my own little meditation.

I'll give an example. Last night, I went to a pool party. I knew everyone there well, and I share deep relationships with a few of the folks that were there. I smoked when I got there, because I LOVE swimming high. The feel of the water enveloping my body is calming and intense at the same time. It's a nice feeling. However, I found I wasn't really able to enjoy this feeling without isolating myself from people. There's a few reasons for this....I'm a HORRIBLE conversationalist when I'm stoned. I'd rather sit there and soak in what someone else is saying. And, second, my diet and my body are big topics of conversations, especially when I go to a pool party where I'm wearing a bikini and my skinny, muscly body is out there, no covering it. I'm strange, I like being the center of attention but I don't like it. I'm better able to deal with answering hard questions about my choices and the PCP when I'm sober, period. Lastly, I've got all this pent up energy plus I love stretching when I'm stoned. So, what did I do? I was talking to people, doing all kind of crazy stretches in the pool. I might have been freaking people out, but I couldn't sit still. Or, someone would ask me a tough question which would require a long explanation of the PCP and I'd give some short, curt answer and swim lazy laps in the pool to avoid socializing.

I've concluded that I should just stop smoking in big groups, and instead, smoke occasionally on my own OR with the few people who I trust enough to just sit with and chill. The people who I know are just enjoying my company. I don't need to say anything to them if I don't want to because I'm understood already. These are my discoveries. At this time, I'm not interested in giving it up completely. I'd quit alcohol for the rest of my life before I'd quite marijuana. I love it for it's ability to open minds, but if abused (like all drugs & food even), it can be debilitating and life consuming. I want a healthy relationship with MJ the same way I want with food, alcohol and physical activity.

To wrap up this essay, I turn your attention to our beloved Michael Pollan and his book, The Botany of Desire. He devotes a whole section to the coevolution of humans and marijuana. Ok, I haven't read it yet, but it's been high on my list for a long time now. There's also a PBS documentary out there based on the book. Check it out, y'all! I've heard great things!