Day 61 - SO CLOSE

I ALMOST did a full pull-up this morning. I didn't get my chin up and over the bar but my nose was right at the bar!! When I do my first one, I'm going to dance around my yard, punching the air like Rocky and scream GO TEAM SEXAAAY at the top of my lungs.

One final music suggestion, Pendulum - Immersion. In particular, The Island, Parts I & II. Heavy electronica, pumped me right up.

Day 60B - Ready for the road!

Ah, what a nice, leisurely day of getting ready to leave tomorrow. I still need to pack clothes, but everything is basically ready to go. Here's the food I'm taking on this journey starting with the protein! On the left, baked chicken cutlet in a balsamic marinade to go on sandwiches, grilled shrimp basted with olive oil, garlic, sherry and white pepper. Weighed and individually packaged.

Eggs.

Milk and yogurt.

Some carbs (oatmeal pre-weighed for 3 days).

Fruit.

Veggies! Washed, chopped, some steamed or baked already.

Some beverages. That coffee actually just came to me from Colombia and now I'm taking it back to Belize. Most well-traveled coffee ever!

A couple of indulgences. I got both of these at the beginning of PCP. I've used that much in 2 months.

Oh, and one last thing.

Ha! That's Hershey! See, he does what Naoko's dog does...belly up, baby! It's hot. :)

And, I promised to give you guys a taste of what I'm listening to during workouts, to complement Tara's post.

Akon - I just love Akon, specifically Right Now & Beautiful at the moment, but love deep cuts from his albums, too. I know, weird, right.

Bloc Party, MGMT, Phoenix, all of the same genre. I just listen to whole albums.

Daft Punk - One More Time, Around the World

Feist - I Feel It All, Sea Lion Woman

Flo Rida - Low!

Florence & the Machine - this whole album is amazing, but Kiss With a Fist is a great workout song, also like Dog Days Are Over and Cosmic Love

Ghostland Observatory - Rich Man, Silver City, Vibrate, Sad Sad City, Paparazzi Lightning (from Austin, TX)

Girl Talk - Feed the Animals (whole album)

Goldfish - The Real Deal, Sold My Soul, (South African DJs)

Gwen Stefani - whatever, just love her, but Rich Girl is a good workout song

Ke$ha - Tik Tok (I just can't help myself)

Kid Cudi - Soundtrack to My Life, Day & Night, Pursuit of Happiness

Nas and Damian Marley - As We Enter, Patience (kind of a slow song but a remake of the absolutely mesmerizing song Sabali by Amadou & Miriam, has a nice beat, the original song always makes my heart soar)

Ratatat - many albums

Josh Ritter - The Curse, okay, not a workout song at all but it's an impressive song. If you don't cry when you hear this song and really listen to it, you have no soul. It's beautiful, emotional and amazing (to me, anyway).

Okay, I really think I'm signing out for real this time. Leaving the laptop behind!! Taking many books. Day 60! What a great day to take the PCP on the road. Peace!

Day 60 - Rain Delay

Or, packing delay, actually. My friend ran out of time to pack his Gainesville life into a Toyota Corolla and asked for an extra day. I gladly gave it to him because at 11 PM last night I was still trying to finalize grading and finish cooking and pack. I was basically looking at a night with little to no sleep, and we all know that is really, really unhealthy. My friend's call was like a blessing from the heavens. Even though it shorts me a day in Belize, it'll be so nice to have an entire day where everyone in Gainesville thinks I'm gone. My boss, my friends, no one will call! I can do WHATEVER I want....what will I do? Leisurely finish getting ready, read a book, yoga, deep clean some spaces in my house, lay in my hammock and watch the birds, get a haircut, oh god, so much open time. Blissful.

What a difference from yesterday morning. I almost had a complete mental breakdown. You know when you look at what has to get accomplished in that day and think, holy crap, this is impossible. I was just looking at everything at once and it caused a complete freeze in my mental ability. I called a friend and said, "Give me a pep talk!" Then, I just started crying and blubbering about not enough time, overcommitted and wishing there were someone around to help. He gave me a pep talk; we hung up; I felt immensely more focused and relieved. Sometimes I just need someone to listen and the world seems a little brighter. Of course, I realize that all the stuff I was crying about is my own damn fault. I've created this world of overcommitments for myself. I can uncreate it. It's all a matter of priorities. So, this free day came at a good time for reflecting on the things in my life that are most important and if there's anything I can cut that would make it a little more free. Once the PCP is over and I can be a little more forgiving of my food choices, some time will be freed up.

In other news, I think I've finally come to terms with my skinny issues. After I took my updated pics in my new bikini yesterday, I looked hard at myself. Am I really too skinny? Most of my insecurities stem from knowing that some of my friends definitely think I'm too skinny and some might even be a little worried about it. I spoke with a different friend about this issue last night. He gave me this perspective. My friends have known me for years and years as the person I was in the picture from Day One. My weight has fluctuated a bit, but for the most part, they are comfortable with the Day One me. They have watched me go from that to Day 59, and it's been a significant physical and even mental change. Understandably, there'd be a bit of uncomfortableness in the process. In some ways, it's like they're looking at a whole new person and that can be scary. How is it going to affect our relationship, our future? Who will I be when this project is over? Will it be someone that is compatible with them in the same way I was compatible at Day One? My answer to that is yes. I'm not in the business of losing friends. I never have been...once loved by Jenny, always loved by Jenny. No amount of wrong can end the love I feel for someone. Unless someone breaks my trust with malicious intentions, they are my friend forever. People break trust all the time, but rarely aiming to hurt on purpose. Anyway, I like the perspective my friend brought to the issue. :) That's why I keep him around, he's good at helping me see things from angles that I may not have considered thoroughly enough.

Also, to ease my mind, I started looking up pictures of skinny people. I now feel 100% better and 100% sexy. Please refer to picture below, I'm entitling in Jenny vs. Skinny:

The woman on the left, healthy. The woman on the right, unhealthy. I asked my friend last night his thoughts on my new body. His thoughts were, yes, he thinks I look small and it's taking his mind time to adjust to it. However, he thinks I look healthy, very healthy and that's a good thing. I love my friends. What would I do without them? Friends are so good at helping to evaluate things when my mind just seems to freeze up and focus on negatives. I'm an independent person but having a strong social network makes a world of difference in mental health. This is why I am also thankful for this community of PCP people. Without y'all, this project would be extremely difficult and perhaps impossible for me. I have a newfound respect for Patrick and making the decision to do something like this without a pre-made social support system. I realize he had some support through the process, but not like we've had here, where we're required to read and comment on each other's blogs.

A couple of my random thoughts to round out the post. I did a half pull-up yesterday!!!!! It surprised me when it happened. I held it halfway for a good ten seconds. I did one more try and didn't make it nearly as far, so switched to incline pull-ups. I love all these visible progress markers. I really do think I'll do one pull-up before the project is over! Exciting! Last random thought, I saw Damian Marley in the Publix grocery store a couple days ago. Ok, ok, it wasn't him but his shorter-dreaded doppleganger. As I walked into the store, we locked eyes, really locked eyes. Made my blood race a little faster. It was a nice moment we shared...perhaps if I'm lucky, I'll run into him again.

If I have time tonight, I'll squeeze in one last post with food pics for the trip. Now, to start my free day of fun!

PS My adolescent hummingbirds were peaking at me through my kitchen window this morning. OMG!!! So cute!

Day 59 - You better Belize it!

You know you've done your students right when one of them writes, "Thanks, Jenny!", at the bottom of their last lab practical. Thanks for what? Making you study your little bootie off so that you could make an A on this lab practical? You're welcome! And, thank you for studying! I'm so proud of my students for rocking this last practical. :) I must email them and tell them so! I'm in the middle of doing the very last grading and getting it posted in preparation for my adventures in Mexico/Belize. I expect to be without internets most of the time. Not taking my computer and perhaps even avoiding the internet like the plague. I think instead, I'll opt for all the amazing books I've been dying to finish or start.

I've been thinking about this post for a long time, trying to decide what details I wanted to give you about my history in Belize and what challenges I'm expecting that are giving me anxiety. I think I'm ready. :)

Let's start with my old webpage. I almost forgot that I'd even created this place. I think it's been 2 years since I visited. It's got a couple things that are useful for my history in Belize. My thesis. You can download and read the entire work if you're so inclined. To this day, I still can't believe I wrote it. :) It's not amazing or breathtaking, but a lot of time and effort went into the research and the writing. I'm proud of it. Also, there's some great photos of Belize on the webpage. Browse through them. They're pretty amazing. I ended up in Belize in 2004 to do some research for my M.S. I spent 3 months in Crooked Tree, Belize and fell in love, with the culture, with the people, with the environment, with everything. I love it in Belize. Despite it's many drawbacks (and there are many), there's just something about the place that speaks to me. It's spirit just took me (as they'd say in Belize). In 2005, I bought a truck and drove it down...my first road trip to Belize. I actually just sold that junker a few months ago. I got $1000 out of it. Not bad considering the abuse it took on the horrendous 2nd/3rd world roads. Since then, I've done the same road trip 2 more times with the same dude, driving trucks down for him. We're good at this drive now. We know the road; we know the best places to sleep; and we travel well together. It'll be fun. :)

Now, let's talk about the challenges I expect to face. Well, really, there's only one. The diet. First, let me just say, I'm well prepared. I have my grocery list for tomorrow. I'll buy enough food to last me most of my trip and I bought this bad boy:

Plug it into the car's power source, bam!, little miniature fridge in your car! I should be able to fit enough eggs, protein and perhaps some pre-cooked veggie items to last most of my trip. We'll also have a traditional ice cooler in which I can store my milk and yogurt. Honestly, milk and yogurt are my biggest concerns. It's hard to find good, fresh dairy in Belize, especially in Crooked Tree. I've bought 2% Parmalat (boxed milk) in case I run out or my milk/yogurt goes bad. Not ideal but I have to work with my options. I also bought these:

I'll store all kinds of raw veggies and fruits in these. Not a lot of veggie variety in Belize, but the country does have mounds of fabulous fruit. And, avocado! Yum! For my carbs, I'll bring bread to make sandwiches and some oatmeal, cause a little goes a long way. Once I get there, rice will abound. I think I'm ready for the road trip.

The real challenge will be mental, when I arrive in Belize. I'm not worried about cravings. What I'm worried about is my own rationalizations. I'm skinny, people. The last time I was this small might have been early high school. I know, y'all are like, shut up! What are you complaining about? I just know that it will be difficult for me to say no to those delicious Belizean plantains fried up in coconut oil or my favorite fried fish with johnny cakes. Oh god, you have no idea! And, the cashews, y'all, the fresh, hand processed cashews. Nothing in the world tastes as sweet. How do I say no when I look at myself and see that I'm the smallest, skinniest 31-year old woman in a 1000-mile radius? I'm serious. No Belize woman of my age is anywhere near as small as me. Men in Belize are down with the thick ladies. I'm not even sure how my dude will react to my new extra miniature size. These are the things that are stressing me out. I made a commitment to this project, and I want to keep it. But, some days I look in the mirror and I feel too skinny. Is that weird? Am I crazy? But, then I feel my abs and I'm like WOW! Those abs are AMAZING, but will I lose them if I eat some cashews and johnny cakes? I kinda doubt it. ~sigh~ I'm just trying to be honest here. It's a weird contradiction to love my strong body but still want my soft curves. Isn't there a way to have both? I guess I'll find out after the project is over.

Ok, enough! I promise to take pictures while I'm on the road. Maybe I can capture some of the weird looks the Mexicans will make when they see me doing the creep. Their looks will say, "what in the hell is wrong with that crazy white lady???" Well, I guess this is me signing out for awhile. I leave Friday morning and will focus on finishing everything up tomorrow. I may check in while I'm gone, but I doubt it. I want to engulf myself in Belize and just 'be' for awhile. No stress, no worries. I will be sending you positive vibes from afar. xoxo!

Day 58 - Crash

The crash came...last night. It was an intense crash, too. I haven't been that exhausted since I started PCP. I was so tired that I wouldn't allow myself to even turn on my computer. I got home around 8:15 PM, took a cold shower, cooked dinner and dozed while intermittently sipping on my evening snack and visiting with my foster cats. Despite the 88.5 F temperature in my bedroom at 10 PM, I fell asleep almost instantly when I hit the pillow.

Many things contributed to my exhaustion, no doubt. Not enough sleep. The hot temperatures. It's out of control hot right now. Usually this time of year, we have daily afternoon showers to cool things off for bedtime, but we haven't seen rain in over a week. Everyday it doesn't rain it gets a little hotter in my house. I biked around a lot in the heat yesterday. Don't worry, Deb! I'm staying well hydrated. :) I'm also starting to get down to the wire for this Belize trip. I'll write a more in depth post tonight or tomorrow, I expect, but I leave Friday morning! It's coming up so fast. I've done a lot of planning for the food situation, and I think I'm gonna be fine. Some compromises will have to be made, but for the most part, I can pack everything I need. Soon, I will be on island time (my favorite time) reading a book, swinging in a hammock and sipping on fresh coconut water brought to me by my beautiful rasta friend. Here's a pic from last summer. Actually, in this picture, we'd been planting corn all morning and were soaked by a pretty heavy rain. We look a little rough, but happy! :)

Couple other random thoughts...I know, I know, I think of all these things through the day and I HAVE to share. My hair is growing fast! A friend suggested it's all the egg whites? I figured out what gives me the most horrendous gas, KALE! OMG! It's raunchy. Disgusting. I love kale, but I don't know, I might have to take it off the menu. Other random thoughts, my libido's been especially out of control the last couple days. I find myself just staring at pics of Damian Marley and dreaming of wrapping his dreads around my entire body. I'm sure some of you are grossed out by the thought of a cocoon out of dreads, but trust me, those dreads are clean! and erotic. Dude, I need to get laid. I leave you with this:

And this:

OMG! Yep, need to get laid. It's official. Have a beautiful day, PCP lovies!

Day 57 - Big fat F-bomb!

Today's workout made me angry. Odd, since yesterday I was craving the workout. Floor jumps are my arch-nemesis. I have now decided that THIS will be how I torture information out of people. Pistol squats are too tame. I cried AGAIN during floor jumps. I also scattered around a lot of curse words at various points during the workout. I think I even said f*$! you to the imaginary Patrick in my head while failing horribly at Davincis. Sorry Patrick...but truthfully, if it were the real you, I may still have dropped it on you. Nothing personal; don't mean it; just a coping mechanism for the pain.

Ah well, at least I'm worn out now. I must have worked pretty hard. Looking on the bright side, I was up early enough to jump beneath Orion and watch one of his four corners wink at me with radiant red light. Then, slowly watch the sun begin to mask the stars in daylight. I love sunrises, way more than sunsets. I get up often to watch the sunrise, especially when I'm traveling. I'm a morning person through and through.

Day 56 - MOVE

I love this man. I want to marry him. Interesting fact: that dude waving the flag is at every concert, waving the flag. What a crazy job!

Let me preface this post by telling y'all that I work 3 jobs. One, I teach Biology labs to undergrads at the University of Florida. This is my teaching assistantship. Two, I work 10 hours a week as an office assistant in the Environmental Horticulture department on campus. Three, I work at a law publishing firm, where I index Florida administrative law cases and put them together for publication. I do this for monetary reasons, mostly. I actually could just work two of the jobs and get by without a problem, but I'm doing a damn good job at paying down some debt right now. I don't mind temporarily busting my ass for this worthy cause. Also, there is relief on the horizon. I started the application process for my second tour with Peace Corps back in February and expect to be getting an invitation to a country in SE Africa (probably Malawi) in the next month or two. My assignment should start next spring. I'll have PLENTY of spare time when I get to Peace Corps, and actually, part of my reason for doing PCP was to get a routine that I could take with me overseas. Something that would keep me from gaining weight in the same way I did last time I served.

SO, I was sitting at the law job this morning, and my body was all antsy. It was like it was mad at me for not doing my normal strength training. I tried to tell it that it was a rest day and that wasn't it enough that I'd jumped, done 8-minute abs AND hung futilely from the pull-up bar a couple times. I said, "TAKE A BREAK, BODY! It's okay." Now, I'm at the Env. Hort. job, writing this blog like a bad little girl and my body is all stiff. It wants so badly to get up and MOVE. Glad I rode my bike in today. I can satisfy the urge to move in a few minutes. Point is, I just find it interesting how much pent up energy is coarsing through my body right now. Oddly, I haven't really been getting the amount of sleep I need (6-7, not 8-9), but I still feel energetic ALL day long. No crashes, no fatigue. At least, right now. I'm sure there will come a day soon when my energy levels will drop, so I'll enjoy them while they last.

And, a few random thoughts to round out the post:

- I have 5 dozen eggs in my fridge right now. Holy crap!

- It's so hot & humid that when I wake up in the morning...my pillow is damp from my sweat. I'm actually amazed that I can get 6-7 hours of sleep in these conditions. It's all practice for the tropical heat of Belize. :)

- I've decided to attempt pull-ups everyday until I can freakin' do one. I assume this is ok.

- I ate 10 almonds today with my afternoon tea. For some reason, I could not stuff all my carbs into my belly at lunch. I forced all the veggies down because I felt like I needed them. I got pretty hungry around 4 and decided the almonds would be a nice treat. I've missed almonds. They kinda rock.

I've got nothing else and it's time to go home! Is it new diet, new exercise day??? Where did the week go???

Day 55 - A new kind of midnight snack

Good social weekend. I feel like I'm finally settling into a routine that makes it easier to fit my life around my social calender in a comfortable way.

Some of my friends are in a band. I went to see them play last night. Big drinking event. I drank two bottles of water. Danced my ass off and had a blast! I didn't at all feel uncomfortable about not drinking alcohol, and instead of joining my friend's in a late night Taco Bell run, I held off for my fruit/milk/egg at home. I knew it would be a late, active night and that I would be hungry at the end. So, I came home, drank my milk & egg and made a bowl of frozen banana, blueberries, milk & honey. Ummmmm....wow! I wanted more when I was done, turned the bowl up and slurped every last drop of milk and honey out of the bowl. Best midnight snack ever!!!

Anyway, I'll keep this post short. Still got some work to get done. Hope all had a great weekend!! I know I did. :) Does this mean I'm through the valley??? That wasn't so bad.

Day 54 - The Wacky Tabacky

Ok, PCP lovies, I've been hesitant to write this post because of it's illicit nature. When I thought about it, though, I decided it was an important one to get out there. It's not like I'm the only person in the world getting stoned, and I doubt the popo are all that interested in banging down my door for a little paraphernalia and a teeny-weeny bud. They got bigger fish to fry. I'm a proud member of NORML, an organization that lobbies for the reform of marijuana laws. If I'm okay with giving my money to them, I should be okay with discussing this openly with people, especially with people who are accompanying me on this journey of exploring health issues and learning about the potential of the human body.

Hmmm...where to begin? Well, I suppose I'll begin at the beginning. I avoided marijuana (MJ, henceforth) until college and smoked occasionally while there. I smoked a good amount of hash mixed with tobacco in Peace Corps. When I got back to the States I stopped smoking, mostly because I didn't have that much access and wasn't interested in searching it out. Then, I went to Belize, met a rasta and started smoking MJ on a more regular basis. Now, my circle of friends includes a lot of folks that smoke it, and it's become a more permanent part of my life. That's my history with the MJ.

Here's where it becomes interesting. I have a very different relationship with this particular drug than most Americans (or at least the stereotypical stoner American). I would say that the majority of Americans believe that MJ makes a person unmotivated, lethargic and HUNGRY. :) I disagree. What I think MJ does is allow a person to really focus on particular physical sensations. Therefore, if a person is watching TV and gets high, they may get really focused on the physical sensation of viewing that show. The pleasure that its bringing to their eyes, ears and brain. Along the same lines, eating brings great pleasure because the MJ allows a person to really separate and focus on the different flavors and sensations it brings to their mouths. This holds true for me, BUT I started really smoking seriously with my special rasta friend. :) When he smokes, he gets active. We would go to the bush, get high, plant corn in the sweltering, tropical sun. VERY PHYSICAL. Or, get high, get naked and, well, you know what happens after the get naked part. These are the things that I associate with MJ. So, now, when I get stoned, I like to garden, mow the lawn, clean the house, stretch (stretching feels particularly amazing high) or, you know, do it. Some even say that they can work or write while high...I haven't found this to be the case with me personally. These are my experiences with the drug.

Now, I want to share some things I've discovered about myself being extra mindful of how my body and mind react to smoking on the PCP. I've cut back considerably and am not mixing it with junk food or alcohol. I've had some interesting insights that I believe will change my smoking habits from now on and further into the future.

1) When I smoke, I cannot multi-task. I focus very intensely on one activity and get it done well, but if I'm trying to do more than one thing at a time, forget about it. It takes twice as long. This particular aspect of smoking makes it difficult to do PCP and be high, because I'm constantly trying to balance different parts of my life these days.

2) If I oversmoke, I wake up the next day with a horrible emotional hangover. I'm more easily upset by little things, or I dwell on big things that bother me and just start crying. While I'm crying I realize that nothing immediate really set it off, it just seems to be my body trying to process the drug out of me. That's been an interesting discovery.

3) I very, very much enjoy getting stoned and stretching or doing the strength work. I've actually only done the workout (not the jumping, though) on MJ one time, and it was an awesome workout. I was so focused on each muscle and the reps that it flew by and then I was able to sit and focus on the sensations in each of my muscles as they relaxed and recovered. This isn't something I'd do a lot or on a regular basis. I like to get the workout done in the morning, and I'm not about to get stoned and try to go into work. It's something I'd be willing to treat as an occasional indulgence for a weekend afternoon/evening workout.

4) And, last but not even close to least, social interaction. I've noticed interesting trends here. In large groups, I don't socialize well while I'm high, especially if people are present with whom I don't already share a deep, developed trust. Or, even if I do trust the person and our relationship is a little out of balance, I get all paranoid and shut down. When this happens, I tend to isolate myself from the group and go off into my own little meditation.

I'll give an example. Last night, I went to a pool party. I knew everyone there well, and I share deep relationships with a few of the folks that were there. I smoked when I got there, because I LOVE swimming high. The feel of the water enveloping my body is calming and intense at the same time. It's a nice feeling. However, I found I wasn't really able to enjoy this feeling without isolating myself from people. There's a few reasons for this....I'm a HORRIBLE conversationalist when I'm stoned. I'd rather sit there and soak in what someone else is saying. And, second, my diet and my body are big topics of conversations, especially when I go to a pool party where I'm wearing a bikini and my skinny, muscly body is out there, no covering it. I'm strange, I like being the center of attention but I don't like it. I'm better able to deal with answering hard questions about my choices and the PCP when I'm sober, period. Lastly, I've got all this pent up energy plus I love stretching when I'm stoned. So, what did I do? I was talking to people, doing all kind of crazy stretches in the pool. I might have been freaking people out, but I couldn't sit still. Or, someone would ask me a tough question which would require a long explanation of the PCP and I'd give some short, curt answer and swim lazy laps in the pool to avoid socializing.

I've concluded that I should just stop smoking in big groups, and instead, smoke occasionally on my own OR with the few people who I trust enough to just sit with and chill. The people who I know are just enjoying my company. I don't need to say anything to them if I don't want to because I'm understood already. These are my discoveries. At this time, I'm not interested in giving it up completely. I'd quit alcohol for the rest of my life before I'd quite marijuana. I love it for it's ability to open minds, but if abused (like all drugs & food even), it can be debilitating and life consuming. I want a healthy relationship with MJ the same way I want with food, alcohol and physical activity.

To wrap up this essay, I turn your attention to our beloved Michael Pollan and his book, The Botany of Desire. He devotes a whole section to the coevolution of humans and marijuana. Ok, I haven't read it yet, but it's been high on my list for a long time now. There's also a PBS documentary out there based on the book. Check it out, y'all! I've heard great things!

Day 52 - The Paddle is coming for you!

I'm kinda scared of myself in this picture. I've got this like, "Don't f$%! with me" look, but really it's just me concentrating on trying to flex my muscles and stand up straight because the ground was all uneven.

No, that is not an outhouse behind me! I don't live that far into the country...that's my little water pump house. I decided to take outside pictures this morning to minimize set up time. This was the best place for the position of the sun.

Holy crap! I'm soooo skinny. I don't think I've ever been this toned in my entire life, ever! It's really weird to touch my thighs and feel rock, not squishiness, and even weirder to touch my abs.

Anyway, no deep thoughts for tonight other than, what in the hell will I look like after the next 5 weeks pass???

Go TEAM SEXAAAYYY!!! Everyone looks great this week! Also, go TEAM 30 days behind us!! Y'all rock, too!

Day 51 - Love

I started this post this morning before jumping. While I was jumping, I watched two pileated woodpeckers fly across the field in the distance; one following the other. I only saw them silhouetted against the sky, but they have distinctive wing beats and flight patterns. I recognized them immediately. Then, they came closer and crossed back over into a tree close to my carport. Still following each other. I thought, how perfect for my exploration of the topic love. Really, I have no idea if it was a female and male or male chasing another male. Though, it didn't seem aggressive, so probably not a territorial battle. I've witnessed that before... Regardless, still goes with the theme. :)

I decided to address this topic after reading this comment by Deborah, "I wonder though if craving love is the same as craving beer? Love and affection seem like basic building blocks. The real thing right? That's not a craving. That's a true human need. Like we need good healthy food. We need good healthy love." I have all kinds of thoughts on this and felt it better to share in a true post than a comment. What does this have to do with peak condition? Everything. I agree love is an essential human need. In order to be at the peak, we need it, so I'm going to give you my take on love and how to truly cultivate it. All of these ideas come from my many failed relationships, attempted relationships, meditations on loneliness and reading on various alternatives to traditional monogamy over the past 6 months to a year. Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: These are only my meanderings and current thoughts, no preachiness intended here.

In a way, love and affection ARE like basic building blocks. Being given these things as children, probably helps us to learn how to be loved and give love, but at some point, we stop taking shelter in our parents' love and venture out on our own. It's here that I think we have a choice, do we continue seeking a replacement for that nurturing kind of love or do we find that nurturing love within ourselves, cultivate it by loving ourselves and then give it out to the rest of the world?

Here's where I take issue with our Western ideas of monogamy. I feel like we're conditioned to look for that one person who will complete us. We'll marry that person, settle down, have kids & grow old together. ONE person. Holy crap! Really? God, that just sets us up to fail, at least in this day and age. We're not living in a little community where our interactions are limited to a few people and we pretty much know who we're going to marry by the time we're like 16. It don't work that way anymore. In this age of globalization and social networking, dude, we're meeting people and making new connections DAILY. It's awesome! I love it, but it also means that maybe pinning our happiness on one person or one phantom person is not wrong but just a lot of pressure.

I, also, don't like the idea of a person completing me. Am I half a human being? I don't get it. I'm a complete human being, separate from everyone else. Sure, there are certain people that complement me better, and probably a small few who complement me well enough try to join life paths. This doesn't mean that I need this person to make me happy, right? I really think the happiness needs to come from within me, instead of without me. Meaning I've got to stop looking outside for someone to fulfill that need for love and affection, and start looking within myself. Nobody feeds me food like my parent's did when I was a child, why should anybody feed me love? I got all the resources I need right here (pointing at my heart or the general vicinity of inside me). So, maybe we need to be conditioned to think of ourselves as the ONE person?

I think to be in peak condition, we really need to reach this point. I only just started to try to reach this point a year ago, maybe less even. Until then, I'd pinned my hopes on a series of men, looking for them to give me love, make me happy, complete me. I still love some of those men deeply, and some are my closest friends, but I've stopped expecting them to make me happy and started really focusing on me. It's been an interesting journey. I give Elena props for dating, because I'll be honest, I'm not sure I'm ready for that can o' worms quite yet. Still got a lot to discover about myself, or maybe I'm just scared. Ha!

Ok, meanderings are over. You can return to your regularly, scheduled PCP programming. Workout was good this morning. Really focused on each muscle. I'm thinking of taking the advice of former PCPer & current Kung Fu Bodyer, Emily, and getting a cheap full-length mirror from target and hanging it where I work out. I can practice loving myself while I'll focus on mah MUSCLES GETTING BIGGER! Woo!. :) Also, I think my last tummy fat is disappearing, but in this weird way. Belly fat, "Can't. Hold. On. Much. Longer." Then, it just starts caving in from the middle outwards. There's a funny indentation of less belly fat right below my navel. It makes me giggle, it's so funny looking, especially when I did a shoulder stand this afternoon. Two little belly fat flaps.

Ok, I've spent WAY too much time on this post. It's time for the computer to go in the off position! I'll do pictures in the morning. It was 90 F in my house when I got home today...heat makes me look all bloated. I'll try for the cool of the morning pictures. :) Nighty-night!

Day 50 - Really???

So, what there's like 40 days left? I keep looking at my progress bar and thinking that the time is passing SO QUICKLY! I have a confession to make...I know, I know, I'm such a sinful Jenny, I'm always confessing something! Sooooo, maybe, I MIGHT have continued my indulgence into one more beer tonight. It was extenuating circumstances. One of my best dude friends in the world (seriously, he's like in the top 3) defended his dissertation and became a doctor of philosophy today. YES HE'S A REAL DOCTOR (of philosophy)! :) 7 years worth of classes, exams, research, goofing off, procrastinating, kissing ass, stressing out, working through the night, drinking/smoking through the night to kill the depression and generally just doing something that most of the population is smart enough to avoid....is coming to an end. I felt like it deserved a celebratory beer. And, then, I was smart enough to stop at one, drink a water and come home to this:

There's some salmon buried underneath those veggies. I wasn't super hungry so I figured this was the way to go....It's yum!

Energy was high today. The workout was great! It's weird, I was really dreading the leg work. I mean, DREADING. I actually looked at it last night and laughed. Yeah, right, like I'm going to be able to do floor jumps after the other stuff. I did them, though and I did them well. I failed, of course, and it hurt, but it wasn't as bad as my mind had built it up to be. Hmmmm....I feel like there's a lot of random thoughts rolling around in my mind right now. Let me unload a couple.

My boobs are shrinking. Not that this is a surprise to anyone....everyone's boobs are shrinking, including Royce's. Still, I'm barely fitting into a 32AA nowadays, if they shrink anymore, they'll start pointing inwards. I keep thinking it's time to burn the bras, but I still have headlights when I get cold. I can't teach with headlights! Gotta wear a bra.

I've been flexing in the mirror. It's scary crazy what it looks like...in a good way. I'm a bit self-conscious about taking pictures like that though. I'll try for this round. New pics will come in the next couple days. I know you all can't wait to see the muscly, boobless me! My ass looks nice. Still lookin' like a woman from behind.

Alright, getting sleepy. Time for fruity, milky goodness and bed! Good night, PCPmates! xo!

Indulgence #2 - The Low Down

Oh jeez, where to start with this one? Well, what I decided to have for my indulgence ... Chick-fil-a chicken sandwich, medium McyD's fries, one small square of intense dark chocolate (72% cacao) & one beer (Dixie Blackened Voodoo Lager).

Let's start with the fast food experience. I was super hungry by the time I got around to driving thru for these items. I visited McDonald's first, ordered my medium fry for $1.92! Did you know that's how much a medium fry costs these days??? WTF? It was one of those double drive-thrus, you know, where there's a place for two cars to order at the same time. There's a certain order to these types of drive-thru, car from Lane 1 goes, Lane 2, Lane 1, Lane 2, you get my drift. Well, I was rudely and obviously cut-off by a lady (beeeoootch) who gave me the hand when I gave her my horn. The HAND!!! Really? OMG! Welcome to McDonald's people. Took me 10 minutes to get my $2 fries. Then, headed to Chick-fil-a, right down the road. I waited 15 minutes for my chicken sandwich, all the while snacking on fries and burning fossil fuels. I never finished the fries. They got cold and gross. They were good for about 5 seconds and I threw them away after this picture. The sandwich was good, but not worth 15 minutes and $3. In the time it took me to obtain these two items, I could've cooked my lunch for today. I honestly found myself craving the shrimp, spinach, bok choy, mushroom, sun-dried tomato pasta concoction that I dreamed up over the fast food. Cool. I like it! True progress, people! I'm glad I chose fast food as my indulgence...since it's the one thing I really wanted to give a test run. I now know that it will be easy for me to cut it out of my life. Oh, and it did not wreck my digestive system or really even make me tired, which was surprising.

Now, the dark chocolate square, that's another story entirely! It was pure joy in my mouth. Oh god, I wish I'd had a quality glass of red wine to wash it down with....mmmmm, mouth watering. And, the beer:

'Twas also pure heaven! Dixie Blackened Voodoo Lager, bought on a recommendation from a co-worker. Quite tasty, especially after being in my freezer for an hour. I still love beer and dark chocolate. Not so much with the fast food, though.

Day 49 - MoMA Exhibit - Piece #2

I'm calling this one "Slap of the Tricep Extension." As to which piece of the human body you're looking at, well, that shall remain a mystery. The fun of modern art is that most times, you don't really know what you're looking at but it sure is beautiful! I feel like this one looks less painful than my rope whip, but it hurt way more and was completely unexpected. I especially like how it stretches the entire width of the mystery extremity. :) I guess my door wasn't closed tight enough and I was too focused on the exercise to notice it coming loose....oops!

Indulgence #2! I already knew that I was going to do some form of fast food for this indulgence (and a beer, haha!)...I'm really curious to see how it affects my body. I know we were told not to rush, but I know what I want and I didn't cook my lunch last night. Best time for an indulgence. Chick-fil-a fried chicken sandwich with pickles & a large McDonald's french fry. Yes! Come home, do jumps, wind down with an ice cold beer. I would have a glass of wine from my family's soon-to-be established winery (it's their first wine!) if I didn't have to waste a whole bottle for one glass. I'll just stop at Gator Bev on the way home and pick up a single, quality beer. Will report on results.

Day 48 - A different kind of craving

Before I get into the actual topic of this post, I want to share my pull-up bar with you. I say, who needs a man?! I only need my drill and my tool set and bam!, pull-up bar installed. I did work up quite a sweat getting this bad boy hung up. Totally worth it! I did a number on my back muscles yesterday...didn't do one pull-up but I strained and strained and my back muscles are on fire today. :) I did some kung-fu sit-ups, but they weren't pretty. Wow! These are some hard-core exercises, people.

On to the meat of today's discussion. I was invited to try a new Indian restaurant with some of my favorite people in the world. Against my better judgment (esp. after the Thai situation), I decided to give it a try. The restaurant MUST have one thing on the menu that would be suitable. Here's how it went down. I ordered the appetizer of grilled chicken and a main course with a description that goes something like this, "Fresh, seasonal veggies served/cooked with cottage cheese and sauteed in spices." I was picturing a bowl of veggies with a little cottage cheese and perhaps with some oil and maybe too much salt. What I got was a bowl of cheese chunks swimming in an oily, spicy sauce. 3 spears of broccoli and overcooked onions and peppers. I'd say 10% veggies, 90% shit I can't eat. So, I picked out the brocolli, dabbed off the oil, ate it. I ate a couple pieces of the cheese chunks, which were very cottage cheesy and probably would have been fine minus the oily sauce they were in. Didn't eat any of the rest. ~sigh~ $10, down the drain. The chicken was over salty but fine otherwise. And, at least it was garnished with some raw green pepper, so I ate the garnish, about 60 grams of the chicken and 3 spears of broccoli. I didn't really go that much off diet, but it was disheartening to realize there wasn't one option on that menu that was even close to PCP healthy. SO, no more eating out for the rest of the project!! Except sushi, b/c I can get a big bowl of steamed, unsalted veggies and fabulous sashimi that's totally in diet.

And, to bring it back to the topic, "a different kind of craving"...what happened here is not that I had an uncontrollable food craving. The food didn't look super appealing and it wasn't hard for me not to eat it. I gave in to my craving for social interaction. Let me just be honest and straight here. I'm lonely, I get lonely. I live alone. I don't have a boyfriend. I crave social interaction and especially crave human touch. I love cuddling and being close to people, and without a partner in my life, I get very, very little human touch. Sometimes it gets difficult, I get sad, I cry. This is life. And, when I get invited out to spend time with the people that I love the most here in Gainesville, saying NO is difficult. I get so little quality time with people that I don't want to say no when I'm offered it, and I am conscious of making others uncomfortable with my picky eating. Especially when I'm so obviously in shape right now...I get self-conscious when I have to explain what I'm doing to a table of 9 other people....most of my peeps know what I'm doing, but last night, one person didn't know and noticed that I barely touched my food. I had to explain myself. And, nobody was judging, the uncomfortableness comes from within me and the worry that I'm pushing away the people I love, which ultimately is silly, because they love me, too and understand. So there, food/alcohol cravings, easy (I've had two cold beers in my fridge since the beginning of this project, have yet to touch them or crave them) but social cravings, my biggest challenge.

Day 47 - Ahhh, yoga

I practice yoga occasionally on my own, but the truth is, it's been years and years since I went somewhere and practiced with a group. Sin #3, perhaps? Piggy-backing on Sarah's comments about community, I love yoga in a group setting b/c 1) the community feel & 2) I can really start to focus on my posture and my poses, esp. since I know someone is watching. I expect that I will try to make it to a couple classes a week. Today was a Hatha class, and I enjoyed it immensely! Stretched my body out GOOD. Worked up a nice sweat, too. I'll go back. And, I'd like to pick one more during the week. Perhaps a more beginner type class so I'm a little better educated on names of poses and whatnot. Anyway, it was a great experience and I think great complement to PCP for the stretching, balancing aspect.

Also, I just have to say that I am so completely envious of all of you folks that get to workout with Patrick. One, b/c I think it'd be nice to meet this dude who is having such a huge influence on my life and its path. Strange only knowing him as a face in pictures and a voice on podcasts. Very strange. Two, b/c I know that if I was working out with Patrick, I'd work harder! Perhaps I should construct a gigantic cardboard stand-up of Patrick with a bubble hanging over his head saying, "One more! Do it!". No, no, that would be weird, wouldn't it? Haha! Yes, very, very weird. :)! Anyway, there'd be this great place to take my weekly pictures AND measure my stats (I assume that's why all those Japan PCP peeps know all those numbers) and yoga and meditation. SO ENVIOUS! Then again, I get this great big backyard to play in...and, that is pretty f'n fabulous. I'd say that balances it all out. Maybe one day soon, I'll try a video post and give everyone a tour of the Haddle Homestead. It is quite nice out here, when I allow myself to sit and be quiet in my space.

Hanging my pull-up bar today! Very exciting!

Day 46 - Sin & Punishment

Ahhhh...just woke up from a 2-hour nap. You know, one of those where you wake-up, look at the clock and think, wow!, is it really 6PM already? I needed it, badly. I'm trying to decided how to start this post, funny story first or last, let's save the best for last.

Sin #1! Tara posted about being tired, really tired and hating parts of the workout. I'm going to take her cue and talk a bit about both of those things in relation to this morning's workout. I woke up at 4 AM this morning, stretched my toes and legs and my right calf immediately seized on me. OUCH! Not pleasant. Tried to go back to sleep, but just couldn't, got up around 4:45 AM. I'm pretty sure the charley horse was a product of overwork. Sometimes when I'm in a really great mood, I'll put on music and dance around my kitchen like I'm a ballerina, up on my toes. I'm sure I look nothing like a ballerina, but it enjoy the way it feels to work and stretch my muscles and plie and bend my body all around. With the workouts I'm already doing, perhaps I need to take it a bit easy on my body when I have these spontaneous dance sessions. And, perhaps I should get some real training so I'm not injuring my body by doing things wrong. This made my leg workout especially heinous this morning. Also, I was consciously trying to take some of the work off my quads and focus on my gluts a bit more in the squats. I pushed myself to the max, when I was already over-tired and as a consequence it made the workout much less fun.

Sin #2. I folded under social pressure and went out with some co-workers for lunch today. They suggested a place called Bahn Thai, because they were trying to stick within the limits of my diet. They figured there would be lots of veggies, rice & chicken, so it'd be good. I thought, yeah, Thai food, I can find something a little lighter with lots of veggies, no problem. I did NOT realize it would be a buffet. An Asian buffet may have been the worst thing I could do for me and my new diet. Yes, there were tons of veggies, good veggies ruined by TONS of oil. So, so oily. I ate it, because well, it's what there was to eat. A half hour later my digestive system was in ruins. IN RUINS! Oh God, it's still a little in ruins. I drank my yogurt and am about to steam some veggies and have some extremely-PCP fish to try to put myself back together again. I have been punished for my sin, but it leaves me wondering about my post-PCP life (much like Tara). If this is how my body reacts to indulgences, am I ever going to enjoy a normal social night out at a restaurant again? Perhaps I shouldn't be so hard on myself, even in pre-PCP life I didn't eat Asian buffet often. Still, it makes me hesitant to want any restaurant food at this point. It hurt, people, really hurt! (If any of my co-workers are reading this, the company was fabulous and made up for my post-buffet pain!)

So, all of this prompted me to come home, lay down on my couch and hard-core crash for 2 hours. Wow.

Ok, and now for the funny random story. My cat, Hershey, very much loves his attentions. This morning he was up on my dresser, rolling around, meowing and trying furiously to get loves from me. I was, of course, ignoring him because I was trying to get ready for work and get out the door. He started rubbing his face on the corner of my 1.5 gallon Beta fish tank. I went to scold him for it....worried he might push it off and he flipped the f@$* out, and did exactly what I was afraid he would do...knocked the tank off the dresser. I watched in slow motion as the tank tipped water, fish, plants and rocks onto my bed and then onto the shag carpet below. NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I, then, flipped the f@$* out. Poor Hershey! He hid all morning. It took me almost an hour to get the situation under control as it required stripping my sheets, lifting my heavy queen mattress off my bed and pulling my bed out to get to the carpet below. The fish is alive and well and the tank is back up and running. My carpet is ALMOST dry and my comforter is at the dry cleaners. ~sigh!~ It was funny, really funny, to anyone that was not me in the moment. :-/ One day, I hope to be centered and balanced enough that I can watch that happen and immediately laugh at the beautiful chaoticness of it. Not there yet!

Wow, long post, hope you were able to make it to the funny story! Enjoy your weekend. I'll be going to see Inception tonight, taking a banana, some cherries, yogurt & water with me for the movie. Screw popcorn. My digestive system has had enough for one day.

Day 45 - Halfway Pressies

Yeeesss! These came in the mail just in time to be my halfway awards. Look at the cute pink embroidery in my gloves!! God, I'm so easy to please sometimes. On top of those pressies, my pull-up bar should get here tomorrow. I can hang it up in my barn just in time for kung-fu sit-ups. Awesome.

Some randomness to share:

1) The non-randomness of my drive to Belize. I mean, I suppose up and driving to Belize would seem random to someone in JAPAN. However, for a graduate student who did her master's research there in 2004 and has been back at least twice a year for the past 6 years, well, not as random. I will devote a full future post to my history in Belize, and why it will be a particularly difficult challenge diet-wise.

2) When I look at my shoulder in the mirror, I can see the striations of my deltoid through my skin! It's fascinating.

3) I think I'm starting to prefer raw egg whites. Whoa! I started by hiding raw egg in my evening snack smoothie...didn't seem too bad. I decided I needed to just drink it straight up with a little cinnamon and see how that treated me. I conquered the mental revulsion of the sliminess and just drank it and focused on the taste. It was a rather nice taste, MUCH better than boiled egg whites. I still like soft-boiled eggs if I can have the runny yolk to cover the white, but I may convert to a raw egg drinker/eater. Huh, who'd thunk it?

Ok, I think that covers my thoughts for the day. Good day all in all, now ready for a GOOD, long night's rest. And, maybe some reading before the light's go out! :)

"Too Fat to Fight"

Heard this on my local NPR station this morning.

Excess weight disqualifies many youth from military service...

The lastest national security threat, peeps!

Day 43 - OH GOD, WHY???

Are you allowing Yahoo to advertise Krispy Kreme doughnuts on my email sidebar??? You are a cruel, cruel, evil GOD!

Ok, over it. (Sorta)

So, is there a such thing as too many AMAYW veggies? Cause I just devoured this gigantic plate of broccoli, cauliflower and zucchini.

Would you like a side of scallops (the bay kind, Publix was out of the sea kind) with your enormous helping of vegetables? Why, yes, yes, I would. Also, my appetizer was raw carrots & raw green pepper slices. Dude, and, it did whet my appetite or turn it on. Dinner was almost as good as a hot Krispy Kreme doughnut. (Sorta, not really) ;-)

I love the scientific experiment assignment. I've totally already been doing this while standing in line to check out. I look at the people and look at what they're buying. Spying is fun! I don't take notes though...throwing a pad o' paper in my purse. Hey, can I write my dissertation on this? Patrick, will you be my new advisor? :-D Seriously though, it's a good exercise. The girl checking me out at Publix the other day actually said, "Wow! You must eat really healthy!" This was the result of the shopping list I posted Sunday. It would be nice to be able to record some other variables, like socio-economic class, for example (the anthropologist coming out in me).

Ok, a preview of days to come. In a last minute (insane) decision, I allowed a friend to talk me into helping him drive a car down to Belize. July 30-Aug. 7, I will be taking PCP on the second-world country road. 3.5 days driving, a few days to spend with my surrogate family in Belize, fly home. Ok, I'm not completely crazy, I've done this trip with this dude 3 times already, no surprises. I know what to expect. And, what to expect is one hell of a challenge trying to keep the diet in Mexico and even more so in Belize. And, Pio (my Belizean friend) will not make it easy. He will tease me about putting meat on my bones from Gainesville to the moment he drops me in Crooked Tree. That's Belize, baby, no holds barred. Grow thick skin! The wheels in my head are already turning. You will hear more about this in days to come. And, really, this is the ultimate test & challenge of the PCP for me. I wanted to do this project so I could get a routine that would travel easy, or at least travel. :) Bring it, Mexico/Belize! You can't break me! (Insha'Allah)

Day 42 - First rope whip

This one's for you, Jason! :) It's not as impressive as yours but it is a good whip nonetheless. Mostly acquired from fooling around and playing with cris-crosses and double jumps. Another more sadistic progress marker?

Day 41 - Progress Markers

I did 1236 jumps in a row today. And, rounded off to 1500 with only one more set of jumps.

And, my grocery list for the next couple days:

apples

broccoli

cauliflower

sweet potato (2)

avocado

grape tomatoes

carrots

sourdough bread

zucchini

red chiles

parsley

basil

sea scallops

shallots

mushrooms (probably a gourmet mix)

pine nuts (just a little treat to add some crunch & flavor to some spinachy/basil stuff)

spinach

dishwasher detergent

laundry detergent

Everything except my cleaning supplies is raw. Well, technically the bread will be pre-made, just not enough time for baking right now. This is a pretty amazing shopping list compared to what I would have bought 6 weeks ago.

All of this indicates serious progress for me physically and mentally. And, for fun today, I did the 8 minute abs in place of the regular workout after jumps and am saving the regular workout for the evening, post World Cup. Trying something a little new, have yet to break the workout up into pieces.

Day 39 - I love shopping!

Why, Jenny? Why do you love shopping?

Because every pair of shorts I tried on, fit me, perfect! It's not about the size. It's about the fit. I hated shopping for pants or shorts, because if they fit in the butt, they gapped in the waist. And, if they might fit in the waist, I couldn't pull them over my ass. Don't get me wrong, I was sometimes able to find pants that fit me, but it was a struggle. Today, every pair of shorts I picked up fit me! I got to choose amongst styles...not choose a style because it fit.

BEST DAY SHOPPING EVAH!!!!!! I am so much more motivated to get my ass out of bed and workout tomorrow. Ah, retail therapy. The good stuff.

This being in peak condition thing is going to be hard on my budget. Must meditate on monetary self-control.

Day 38 - Torture

If, for some insane reason, I'm ever forced to torture information out of somebody, I'll break them with pistol squats. I don't think it'll take too long. Honestly, I swear, every muscle in my legs is sore, really sore. Actually, most of my muscles everywhere are sore, back, shoulders, arms, only exception, abs. They seem to be handling the bicycles and planks (not without burn, though). I broke down and took ibuprofen after today's workout. It had to be done.

Wow, this week really is a challenging week. I looked ahead and thought, damn, there's no end to the pistol squats! They just keep coming!

In the food world, gnawing on a turkey sandwich, lettuce, tomato, small amount of mustard and some quinoa tabouleh (loads of veggies, the quinoa is more of a complement, flavored with a little olive oil, parsley, green onion, fresh lemon juice, black pepper). Also, I grilled some buffalo burgers (adorable little 50g patties) last night for a change of pace from the various forms of seafood I've been eating over the past couple weeks. Broccoli & sweet potato as sides. Very American & very YUMMY! Also, seriously, if any of you can find drinkable yogurt from grass-fed cows, BUY IT! All it needs is a dash of honey to drink it straight (really, I could drink it without, I choose not to) and mixed with frozen peaches, bananas, blueberries & strawberries, it makes an AMAZING dessert with the consistency of soft-serve ice cream. No other spices necessary, another dash of honey if you want some extra sweetness, a dash though is all it needs. I'm really enjoying the diet this week. I had some fast food cravings over the weekend (why??? fast food is so gross, it should be so easy to forget) but they've subsided.

Day 37 - A new level of BADASS

Yesterday I was wondering if I was working hard enough. Today, I got my answer. After cursing and groaning through pistol squats and then creeps, I stood up, exhausted, dripping sweat, body bathed in the rising sun...and, what did I see? Clouds of steam evaporating off of my skin. Ok, I can't help it, that is just BADASS. I felt like Rocky or something.

Ok, ok, so I know it has a lot to do with the weather. It cooled off a lot last night and it was EXTRA humid this morning. Still, pretty cool special effects. Thanks mother nature!!!

I gave it my all this morning, and I'm exhausted because of it. I plan on an extra early bedtime tonight. I need it, badly. I can feel the ache in my muscles as they try to rebuild themselves. And, boy, have I been hungry, even with all the extra food. I think my diet is perfect this week, but I am burning some serious calories right now. I can feel it happening. I've also been rather grouchy and a little over-sensitive. Perhaps I should get some meditation in my life. I'd benefit from it.

I'm also gaining weight now. I bottomed out at around 96ish lbs mid-week last week. My morning weight today was 98. Gooood, very gooood. :)

Anyway, hope everyone in Team SEXAAAY is surviving the pain! I'm thinking of you every single morning.

Oh! PS New pics are posted....check out the crazy tummy/rib muscle in the 2nd pic! What is it???

Day 35 - Mt. Zitimanjaro...

...is growing out the side of my face.

Could this be from:

a) the Stone Ruination

b) the Waffle House

c) karmic retribution for the cheesy, buttery crab-filled mushroom that I illegally enjoyed on Saturday afternoon at the Red Lobster (impossible to resist momma pressure!)

d) none of the above, zits happen!

You choose!

PS At local market, found this fabulous locally produced drinkable yogurt made from the milk o' grass-fed cows. Expensive as what?!? Totally worth it. YUM!!!

PPS Checked my chip time for the Peachtree. 59:55!! I did break an hour. That last push, arms flailing, racing for the finish line paid off. Woot!

PPPS Thanks for the change in diet. I expect to sleep very well this week.

Day 34 - I CAN FLY & Indulgence #1

Ok, PCP, kiddos! Here's my Peachtree Road Race Story. To the left you'll see me at 6:30 AM this morning with my running mates, Chuck & Leslie. Don't we look fresh and clean, clean?! That's right, I wore a pink disco ball on my head! It was fabulous and made me run faster. :)

So, let me just cut to the chase. I just ran the fastest 10K in my life, ever! 60:25. I totally blew the first mile off, cruising along with my friends but bursting with energy. At mile 1.25ish, I was like, ummmm, so, how would y'all feel about me taking off and meeting y'all at the end? I proceeded to bounce down Peachtree in record time. Honestly, if I'd tried, I think I could have finished in 58ish range. My previous fastest time was 62ish and NOT in the Peachtree. The Peachtree is a slow race for multiple reasons, mostly b/c you're swerving around walkers or slower runners the ENTIRE time but also b/c around mile 3 there's Cardiac Hill. It's not a flat race or all downhill. So, to get my fastest time on that course, well, it's a big deal for me. And, ultimately, it PROVES that this training is working. I'm getting stronger. I never thought I'd run a 10K in under an hour.

Also, maybe this shirt had a bit to do with it:

Now, onto the post-race indulgence:

That is a Stone Ruination IPA, 22 oz. I am writing this post post-Ruination. I'm doing ok, not sick. Just tipsy and ready for a nap. And, for post-race Indulgence #2:

That's right, that shirt says, "I run so I can eat WAFFLE HOUSE." Just in case you couldn't read it....here's what I ate:

And, it was SOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD!!!! Sausage, Oh, God! How I love thee!!! That's a sausage, egg & cheese sandwich. I know, it's so simple looking but so full of flavor. I can't help it, I'm a true Southern girl. I love my Waffle House, but I also absolutely love being FAST and STRONG & bouncing down Peachtree like Tigger on crack. So, only in small doses sausage, egg & cheese, just enough to appreciate you.

Now, back to the grindstone. I've got some serious veggies to consume this afternoon. Happy Indepence Day, y'all!

Day 32? nope 33! - In the ATL

Howdy y'all! I've moved the PCP operation northwards to my old stompin' grounds, Marietta, GA. The weather is fabulous! Breezy and cool, less humid. I had an AMAZING jumping session this morning. I walked down to the cemetary (yes, morbid but it has a big figure 8 loop that allows for walking/running) with my folks and did my jumps while they ran/walked. The flat surface of the pavement made for more efficient jumping. I have been jumping in my yard, the uneven ground makes me more inefficient than I figured, must fix this somehow. I'll start working on it. Anyway, I did over 500 in a row, quickly. Getting good, baby, getting good.

Then, we walked to the elementary school, which has the perfect low tech set-up for the PCP exercises. Pull up bars, places to do chest dips, inclined sit-ups, blah, blah, blah, all the good stuff. I attemped my first real pull-up today. I went nowhere...my dad assisted me in doing some full pull-ups (like 6), but it was hard. It's time to get a bar installed at my house. That'll happen this week. My pull-up failure reminded me that I've come a long way, but have a LONG, LONG way to go. Motivated me to work harder. I got some serious, serious burn with katanas today (I changed out for Day 34 so I can go down and do the chest exercises at the school equipment tomorrow) ... bowed to the PCP gods on my knees. Oh Gods, make me strong and flexible so I can kick some vampire ass (Been watching Buffy series from Episode 1, awesome) Good suggestion on katanas, Patrick. Still struggling with V-sits, they made me angry this morning. I'll keep at 'em!!! Having fun! Woohoo!

One last thing, I've been extremely, extremely hungry before bedtime the past couple nights. It's been difficult to fall asleep b/c of the hunger. Can I eat extra veggies? Should I eat some fruit? Drink a glass of milk? I need to SLEEP!! Must build muscle!!! How can I not be so hungry? Help ME!!!!

Ok, guys, the Peachtree Road Race is tomorrow. Wish me a fast run! I'll probably at least eat some carbs tonight with my veggies, just to have some energy reserve tomorrow. But, not too much. It'll be my last serious run till the end of the PCP, any future runs will be nice and casual.

Have a nice 4th, those PCPers that celebrate it. And, welcome to the new folks!! Look forward to reading your blogs.

Day 31 - You got me!

I cried after the last set of floor jumps today. I don't even know where the tears came from...tears of relief? "Thank God, that was the last set! Boo-hoo-hoo?!" :) You're smiling right now, aren't you, Patrick? Sadist! I finally reached failure in the leg-ups. Jesus! And, somehow pushed through an extra 10 seconds in the last of the planks, but it felt like an earthquake in my tummy. I, also, finally reached failure in the tricep dips, which meant that double katanas the way they are pictured were useless. I couldn't even do one with the easiest weight of resistance band. So, I did a little modification. I took the medium weight band and used just one handle with both hands. I was able to do 3 sets and still feel a good burn. I assume this is acceptable, because otherwise, I would have done nothing. I'll play around with it and find the sweet spot where I reach failure in set 3.

I cooked some curried quinoa this morning to take for my lunch carb. Finally! I understand now why Royce eats this stuff ALL THE TIME! It's sooooo yum! Why have I never had it before? And, a lean steak salad. My body was craving red meat this week. I don't know if y'all get cravings like that...but, I do. And, when my body calls for red meat, I answer the call. I got the leanest cut I could find...and, it looks soooooo good! Mmmm...steak salad (threw in some steamed eggplant, raw tomato and garden green peppers), with curried quinoa on the side. I can't wait for lunch and I just finished breakfast.

Have a fabulous day, TEAM SEXAAAAY!!!! Good luck with Day 31 if you haven't done it yet. Holy crap!