If I don't get up and go to the store this afternoon and cook tonight, I won't have food for dinner or the rest of the week. If I don't go to work tomorrow, I don't get paid. If I don't go do the list of chores my land lord left for me, her chickens and her plants will be mucho unhappy. If I don't mow my lawn, it'll just keep growing taller and taller and annoying me more and more. If I don't sweep or vacuum, I'll pick up crap on my feet as I walk through my house. If I don't start the laundry, I won't have clean clothes to workout in the rest of the week. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! I'm tired; I'm sick; I want to rest. I miss having someone to do these things for me when I'm down for the count. It makes me sad. I want a hug and somebody to go to the fucking grocery store for me, damnit.
~sigh~ I was going to go to the gym today. Sorta fake workout and observe, but I just can't bring myself to face a bunch of annoying new freshman undergrads in this mood. Yeah, I'm probably in better shape than most of them at this point, but I might punch the first one to say something stupid. It's better for their health that I stay away for today.
oh jenny! I would go to the grocery store for you! and feed the chicks! and make you laugh! sigh. the least i can do is relate that I know how you feel. rest up, put on some interesting radio shows while you do your chores, and tomorrow i bet you'll feel loads better. at least you don't seem to have my problem, which is to head straight for the pantry when I'm feeling this way...
ReplyDeleteWhoowee that SUCKS! Sounds like you're going to be hardcore and do all that stuff anyway, cause that's how you roll.
ReplyDeleteJenny, my dear, I would do the chores and cock for you.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. I give you a big hug and am thinking about you.
Coughing takes your energy away, sleep, sleep, rest, rest !!
Thanks guys! Oddly, I did put on radio shows before I read this and it DID make me feel better.
ReplyDeleteSending you big virtual pcp hugs and a special laundry fairy.
ReplyDeleteTake it easy. Workout naked perhaps?
Oh honey, I know. Doing all of that stuff sucks even when you have somebody else around, because sometimes you have to do it FOR THEM. (Trust me, my daughter hasn't cooked a meal in TWO YEARS.) Being sick is when we all want our mamas. But yeah, I'm gonna guess that you're going to get it done anyway. Sounds like you're still getting better, one day at a time. Here's hoping tomorrow is even better.
ReplyDeleteSQUEEZE! If I could, I'd send you my special narcotic laced cough syrup. Doctor prescribed it when I had horrible, sleep-sitting-up cough for 3 weeks. It tasted like pineapple and it made the brain stop sending cough signals to the body.it was AWESOME.
ReplyDeleteLaundry, smaundry. Workout clothes will just end up smelly anyway so no need to warsh this week.:P
aw you poor thing, big hugs to you Jenny! i would do those things for you too! do ya have any close friends that might help ya out? get better soon! :)
ReplyDeleteI often feel lonely. Today I took the car in to get the oil changed, and I got the groceries and cleaned the kitchen and went to the meeting at school for my son's program this year. Where is my partner I am thinking?
ReplyDeleteBut then I remember that being with the wrong partner is worse than being alone. It really is.
I so admire that you are willing to feel the sadness and not simply grab someone, which you probably could do (you are one hot mama), and fill the space with a mediocre kind of love. It takes courage to live in the truth and to share it with us.
You have courage. We've all seen it this whole time. Look in the mirror and it looks back at you.
You know I'm one of those minister people so prepare yourself for what I am about to say but know that it's not meant to "convince you" of anything. On the christian path Jesus said "The truth will set you free", which a bunch of idiots took to mean that you have to be a Christian to be free and correct and all that shit. But what it really means is, in my humble opinion, living in the truth - whatever that is for us - sets us free.
The natural world is always true. Animals - plants - the sun - there is nothing but truth through out this broad universe - and then there is human life which contorts itself to fit the survival needs of the group as opposed to the truth of the individual. I think Jesus was saying that the truth, the same truth that permeates the natural world and sets it free and clear, can be ours also.
I don't always do it. But when I do, there is a clarity and peace that comes to me.
Even in your grief a peace can be found. Peace that this is how it is right now. It won't be this way forever. There will be a day when you look next to you and find to your surprise that a partner has slipped in and it was all so easy. And oddly you may even look back with some fondness to these times of your life that are solitary and stark.
For now, remember that you are not alone. You only need to reach out to feel the hands (see above comments) reaching back at you.
This is the universe, this is the truth of the universe. You are not alone. We - represented by this small virtual group at the moment - we your fellow human travelers are with you.
Dah-amn Deborah droppin WISDOM BOMBS!
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