Final Post

I still don't really know what to say, but by god, I want that COMPLETE stamp. I'll just wing it and see what happens. I've spent the last couple days trying to adjust to the idea that I can eat and drink whatever I want whenever I want without thinking about it. That adjustment isn't coming and perhaps may never come. I've been hyper-conscious of every food or drink choice. Is this the right thing for my body? How is this going to make me feel? I've been allowing myself yummy indulgences, though. I ate out TWICE yesterday. OMG! Cuban for lunch. A strange sort of Mexican for dinner. For lunch, I ate half a cuban sandwich and instead of fries ordered the mixed veggies. The cuban was the greasiest, fattiest, salty thing I could possibly choose, and it was good, very good. I think the salt bloated me to twice my size though. Hey, at least I went veggies instead of french fries. And, for dinner, 2 tempeh tacos, whipped sweet potatoes and watermelon. I ate a leftover taco for breakfast. Both meals out were tasty. I enjoyed them. It is nice to say yes to friends, but then I went to the grocery store this afternoon and bought a basket full of organic veggies and fruits. So, as the next few weeks progress, I expect to find that balance of enjoying indulgences with friends and eating well at home.

I miss jumping rope. I've made myself take the last two days off from workouts. I rode my bike, though! Can't stop that! I think I'll start back with the rope tomorrow morning. I feel stiff when I wake up and need to pump that blood through the muscles early, work out all the kinks. Really, in the end, I enjoy working out. I even, but just a little, miss floor jumps. OMG!!! Did I say that???

Ok, ok, how about some pictures?! I know you want some. As far as stats, I can say I started out at 103.8 lbs and finished at 96.2 lbs. I probably lost over 10 lbs of fat but gained some of those lbs back in muscle. Really, your guess is as good as mine. I don't have all those fancy fat/muscle percentage numbers. Let's suffice it to say, I'm a teeny, weeny human being that can kick your ass. ;-)

Here's a gratuitous muscle shot.

And, just to give some perspective on how many inches I lost. The shorts I'm showing off in the picture below fit quite snugly before PCP. In fact, I'd say they were so tight I couldn't wear them out in public. I was too self-conscious about how they squeezed my ass. Fine around a boyfriend, not fine around a bunch of random people. I wore them the other day to a swimming pool. Got out of the swimming pool cold. Put them on. They fell off. I had to borrow a belt to keep them up.

I've made some great progress physically and mentally. I have two physical markers, my 1 pull-up! Strength, baby! And, the other day, I successfully balanced in crow pose. Not as long as I would like to hold the pose, but it's a start. Practice, practice, practice. I really, really want to pull myself into a headstand, but I'll start slow and work up. I need more flexibility! I've never been all that flexible, but I definitely became more flexible while working PCP. I hope with ballet and other future physical projects that I can continue increasing my flexibility, which will help tremendously with some of those advanced yoga poses.

Mentally, well, I was thinking today about how to express this progress. I thought of two things. Before I went to Belize, I was talking with a friend. In a good-natured way, he was complaining about how he was going to a house-warming party on Friday, where he'd get wasted, then a birthday party on Saturday, where he'd get wasted, and basically, just moaning about the fact that he'd be getting flat out party drunk all weekend. I said, you know, you don't HAVE to get so plastered. He said, yes, I do, Jenny, it's a group effort. Which made me stop and think, yes, yes, you're right, it IS a group effort. My decision to stop drinking before PCP and to continue that (excepting a few indulgences) through PCP was not necessarily ALL because I was becoming an emotional alcoholic but because I was becoming a social alcoholic. I just couldn't say no. Bear with me, this might be a bit convoluted. I really don't think I'm an emotional eater or drinker. I think I'm an emotional socialite. Eating and drinking, as we've discovered, are super social events. When I'm down, I bury myself in my friends. "You, friends, make me feel better! Make me feel loved!" So, I eat and I drink to contribute to the group effort and hope that it will make everyone love me. I want so badly for everyone to just love me.

I remember being in middle school, those awkward horrible in between years. When I was in 6th grade, I wanted more than anything to fit in with a certain group. I bought Duckheads (remember those shorts?) in all kinds of colors and these crazy colorful belts to wear with them. These were what the "in" crowd was wearing at the time. I just didn't fit, and my clothes weren't making them want to be my friend. At some point in 8th grade, I completely rebelled. I started wearing black, purple, blue, green nail polish. I bought black and white striped tights that I wore under cut off jeans with my Cure t-shirt that I got from some boy that was only in the school for a few weeks. I just changed completely. I kinda freaked out some people in the process. I was still making A's, so my parents just let it be. I guess it was my way of rebelling against my own inner need for love. The people that were my good friends, stayed my good friends, and the people I wasn't close to just drifted away and it was ok. In the end, despite my need for love, I am fiercely (fiercely!!) independent. I asserted my independence.

I parallel this to my decision to do this program. It's not quite the same, in that my friends now, are my friends. They are the people I love and I fit with them, but that doesn't mean that I can't assert my independence and go against the grain a bit. And, it's not to show them that I can be independent. It's to show ME. It's to regain my confidence in and love for myself, which is ultimately what both of these instances were all about in the first place. It's just a little hard to see that when starting out. It's only later that reflection allows for a deeper understanding of one's actions.

So, there you go. My journey. I'd like to close with some thank you's. First, let me thank Brett, who inspired me to actually take on the challenge of PCP. He's always been a down-to-earth, intelligent dude. I trusted his judgment, and rightly so! Thanks, Brett!!

I'd also like to thank all my various friends from all over the world that had nothing to do with PCP but were still there cheering me on. A special thanks to Kari Mac, who I believe read every single on of my damn blog posts; Michael VP Lemones, who was an extra vocal Facebook cheerleader; and Mexico Liz, the very first Gainesville friend to give me props for taking on such a hardcore project. And, seriously, all of you that I rarely see or talk to but who still commented on my spammy Facebook blog posts, you all rock! I love you!!!

I'd like to thank the entire PCP community for their support. Wow! So many amazing people from all over the world. :) Team Running Rats, y'all were amazing role models. I hope Team SEXAAAY lived up to your level of peakiness. Also, thank you to a couple KFBers who commented on my posts when I needed the most support, Shivani and Emily. I loved reading your blogs!

Patrick and Chen. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Chen, I don't know you, probably will never meet you, but because of you, I ate raw carrots and red peppers for breakfast this morning. You have NO IDEA how outside of my normal breakfast schema those items lie! Patrick, well, dude, do I really need to say it? You're \\ //! In my neck of the woods, that translates into fucking awesome. That is the highest compliment of thanks that I can give you.

And, last but not least, my team, Team SEXAAAY. Words can't describe how important you've been to me. Y'all are double dog \\ //!!! I just made that up, but I think it expresses my thoughts well. We are all so different, yet found the commonalities to support and love each other through an intense learning process. We all made it, alive and better than well. I'm so proud of us, and so proud to be a part of your team. Much love!!

Ok, with that, I sign off. It's been great, but it's time to let go and move on to other adventures. Live life, PCP lovies! You are always with me.

Day 90 - Can I celebrate yet?

Ok, ok, maybe I did a little pre-post PCP celebrating last night. 2 glasses of red wine, 1 shot of Patron, 2 beers, LOTS of dancing and 4 hours of sleep later, I got up, drank my coffee and did my final workout. Well, not final for life, but final official workout. I was a little hungover, but after getting the blood flowing, I feel not great but good. I don't feel guilty about my early celebration. 'Twas a relief to let go of control for just a little while. 90 days is a long time to exert so much discipline over one's self, falling into some chaos was exactly what my soul needed. Reminds me of this concept:



Panarchy. The idea was originally used to describe ecosystems and their multiple stable states. A system utilizes its resources and builds up its potential energy and connectedness, then some event occurs that causes the system to release energy and decline in its potential. The system then undergoes a sort of reorganization and either returns to its original stable state or, depending on the intensity of the chaos event, the system may reorganize into a new, different stable state. The concept has been applied to all sorts of systems at this point, not just ecosystems. I think it aptly describes what we all just went through....we reached some point in our lives where we brought PCP in to break us down, reorganize us and put us into a new stable state. Naturally, there will be smaller cycles within the big one and one small event won't necessarily cause us to lose the new PCP state. Point is, I've (we've) spent 3 months reorganizing, exploiting our physical and mental resources to build up into a highly connected person with loads of potential energy...naturally the body and mind are calling for a little release at this point as we reintegrate back into non-training mode and apply PCP to normal, everyday life.

And, even though I allowed myself to indulge in the booze, I still kept the food portion of the diet. While everyone was chowing down on late night pizza, I ate an apple banana and a hard-boiled egg. Honestly, it was pretty good. I wasn't craving the pizza, but it was late and I wanted food. Planning ahead and bringing my snack with me was genius!

I enjoyed my last workout. The most improvement seems to be in my back, shoulders and abs. Oh, and jump rope! Wow! I gotta be honest. We've been told to take a few days off, but I really just don't see how I'm going to take the jump rope out of my morning routine. It's ingrained now. Get up, brew & drink a cup of coffee, eat a piece of raisin toast, jump. Then, go about my day. No problem taking some time from the strength training, but the jump rope? Really? I don't know.

Well, final post will come in a few days. I'm not even close to knowing what I want to write in it, so I'll take a few days of reflection and then come back with my parting thoughts and pictures. Okay, off to the springs for some more celebration (the sober, sparkling water type)!

Day 89 - I am humbled.

P.S. First plank, 90 seconds. So much pain, hard to focus on clock. I did an extra plank because I felt like such a weakling through the first 4, not that it mattered. It was probably only 15 seconds long by that point.

Day 88 - Magic Gloves

I love my gloves. For some reason, they focus me. I keep them on for my entire workout even if they aren't necessary. My body responds to them. Ok, gloves on, time to work. Though, to be honest, I felt like I had a weak workout today. I don't really know why, but it's like my pain tolerance was lowered. Meh, some days are better than others. Tomorrow, it's on!

Elena, as far as our planks competition goes, I spent my first plank trying to figure out which position maximized the pain for me. The one leg thing was effective, but I felt like ab pain was most horrendous with my arm base spread wide apart. We shouldn't count our competition until tomorrow. I'll spread my shoulders far apart and keep time.

Now, let's talk about my visit to the gym. At UF, I pay student fees out of my own pocket each semester. Student fees go towards various funds on campus, part of which is student recreation. Hence, I pay for a gym whether I use it or not. Of course, it's a gym at a greatly reduced fee, and they do have tons of classes and activities and very nice facilities for all kinds of sports. I can't really complain. I decided to visit the newly renovated SW Recreation Center for my gym assignment.

Over the past 6 years, I've spent a lot of time in this gym. I've taken classes, used the cardio and the weight room. I'm comfortable there. The last time I visited was in the spring, and the facilities were undergoing major renovations. This week was my first visit since the unveiling. Somehow, I was lucky (or unlucky depending on your viewpoint) enough to pick a time and day when they were doing a sort of open house sports extravaganza. I was overwhelmed to say the least. Thousands of 18-21 year olds running around the rec. center. It was a complete and total madhouse.

My first observation. They were giving out free Domino's pizza and frozen yogurt, so as people left the gym, they effectively cancelled out any work they'd done by stuffing their faces with greasy, grimy cheese pizza. I love pizza, but Domino's is just a waste of pizza to me. I've always disliked it. I wouldn't eat it free even before PCP. The frozen yogurt, ok, but I'm sure it wasn't low fat yogurt. I'm thinking handing out fruit and cups of greek/low fat yogurt would send a better message. I'm sure the students would HATE it, but they'd take it because it's FREE FOOD.

Second observation. The machines were out of control. All new. Lots of them. I tried out a treadmill, but I couldn't get the damn thing to go. It was touch screen, asked me for all these stats even though I pressed quick start. Then, it wanted me to choose various viewing options or something and the treadmill never started. I gave up. It was too distracting, like a big video game. At this point, I felt old, but not in a bad way. Just the kind of, I'd rather be out on a trail, smelling the fresh air and hopping over armadillos type old. Most of the other cardio machines were equipped with personal TVs and whatnot. Not my style.

The weight room was the same as always. Lots of young, beautiful undergrads flaunting their perfect bodies. It's a meat market in there. I've always been able to go in in my ratty workout clothes, old faded gym shorts, tie-dye shirt with holes in it, and tune all of it out. Honestly though, I never felt like I got an effective workout from the machines, mostly because I didn't know what I was doing. Just randomly using a machine with no training schedule. This was one of my many reasons for signing up for PCP. What? You'll show me effective strength training that I can do in the solitude and comfort of my own home. I'm in! I was just tired of the gym.

The one thing I may take advantage of are the classes. I still want to keep up with yoga, and though I'd prefer to take classes through the studio that I tried this summer, it's expensive. The rec center offers a variety of different style classes, and they're already paid for. I might see if I can find a class or two a week that fits me and my schedule. I'd like to free up the cash to try out some beginning ballet, just to get a base in dance. My aerial dance class is mostly just for fun, but later in the month, the main dance studio here in Gainesville starts its adult classes. I spoke with a guy this week who was super nice and enthusiastic about me coming and giving it a try. He said, "if you have no dance experience, it'll be hard work but rewarding if you stick with it." I liked him.

Well, guys, 2 more workouts and PCP is officially over. A friend of mine asked me last night, "Are you happy or sad to see it end?" My answer, "Both."

Day 86 - Super What?!

Wow. I won't spoil what super sets are for those behind us, but the first and last parts of today's workouts were the ULTIMATE torture.

Okay, I'm not trying to brag here (well, maybe a little...), but abs are torturous because I just can't seem to make them give out on me. I mean, of course, they give out, but not like pull-ups and chest dips. I fail at those in a flash. But, abs lasts FOREVER. Okay, okay, I know this isn't a bad thing. I should be happy with myself, but dude, I got shit to do! So, Elena, I'm sorry, I got you on the planks. Plank #1, 3:25. After that, I stopped looking at the watch. I'm gunning for 5 minutes next time round. Not sure if that's possible but I sure will try!

I made it to the gym yesterday, and my oh my, did it make me feel old. I sorta realized that I cannot handle all the insane sensory stimulation that the generation behind me seems to crave. The visit was overwhelming to say the least! I'll write a full post on it soon.

I just wanted to check back in and let you guys know I hadn't melted into a pool of tears or something. Thanks for all the love, and also, thanks to all the Facebook people who sent love, too. To be honest, I'm amazed by the response, and as one of my friends replied on FB, telling your story is a great way to let it go and move onto other stories.

UPDATE: I just sheepishly realized that I can MODIFY the planks to make the HARDER. Duh! Still gunning for 5 minutes....

The Low Point

"It may be when we no longer know what to do,

we have come to our real work,

and that when we no longer know which way to go,

we have begun our real journey."

--Wendell Berry

October 31, 2009. My lowest point thus far. When I saw pictures of me tagged on Facebook from that night, I actually thought to myself, "Something HAS to change." I haven't untagged those pictures. I let them sit right there. It's not that I was doing anything embarrassing; it's how I look. Look at me. Drunk, disheveled, blotchy, puffy, downright unhealthy. I don't remember getting into this car. I barely remember these pictures being taken, just sort of a tickle of a memory. I said and did things that were potentially damaging to friendships. Luckily for me, I have amazing, understanding friends that forgive me my transgressions.

In my defense (and this doesn't make my actions right, just a little more understandable), I found my first and favorite cat, Tessa, dead on the side of the road that morning. A complete shock. I'd left to go out of town for the night and a friend accidently let her out when he came to collect something from my house. He didn't even know. She had a tendency to wait by the road for me to come home. I kept her in the house when I was away for this reason. I'm sure that she was waiting for me to come home that night when someone driving too fast or drunk hit her. It was devastating to me. It'd been a rough day, understandably I'd look a little rough.

But, I looked too rough, and it wasn't long after this picture that I found myself one morning, on my floor, crying and crying and crying, for no particular reason. I woke up with this horrible sense of dread; I hated myself; I hated my life; I was lost, so I cried. I finally acknowledged that I was depressed, and on advice from a friend, I called the Mental Health Center here at UF and made an appointment with a therapist. Now, I have to back up and tell you the real story behind my depression. I loved my cat and losing her was hardcore painful, but that's not what sent me into a downward spiral.

In March of 2009, I got pregnant. Not necessarily on purpose, but not completely by accident either. On my 30th birthday, I went off birth control. I wanted to know my cycle without the pill. I'd been on it for 14 years, and if I got pregnant, so be it. 6 months later, bam! Pregnant. Also, not long after I found out I was pregnant, I received another rejection letter from a granting agency. The reviews indicated that my proposal was good, but not good enough. I could make changes and resubmit, but turn around time was 2 weeks, tops. It's weird, though, being pregnant gave me a new focus, a purpose. I was happy, excited, ready to turn that proposal around and make it fundable. The father and his family were also super stoked about the pregnancy. Things were really looking good.

Then, I started to spot, which isn't all that worrying. Many women spot during pregnancy. I was told to take it easy and monitor the situation. The night I started spotting, I had this dream. My paternal grandmother, who'd died a couple years prior, came to me. She was like a second mother to me. A couple weeks before this dream, my actual mother had told me that my grandma said I would never have children. I think she meant that I had other priorities in my life besides children, but that has stuck with me ever since. Anyway, to continue, I told my grandmother, "See, I WILL have children." She just sort of looked at me hollow-eyed and didn't say anything. She doesn't usually talk in the dreams I have about her. The dream ended with me on some random toilet miscarrying the baby. It was horrific. A horrible nightmare. I emailed a friend the next day freaking out. He calmed me as best he could.

Not long after the spotting, I started to have pain on my right side. An uncomfortable gassy feeling that turned into a more acute pain that would come and go and I started to bleed red blood. At this point, I flipped the fuck out. My midwives set up an appointment with their back-up doctor to get an ultrasound. In the meantime, I searched the web for information on bleeding during pregnancy and miscarriages and whatnot. I became convinced that I had a tubal pregnancy. This is really super rare, but based on my pain and what was happening with my body, I went ahead and self-diagnosed. I spent the next couple weeks praying that I was wrong.

The next three weeks were probably the worst three weeks of my life. I sat on my toilet at work watching gobs of blood exit my body. I sat on my toilet at home and watched tissue from my womb drop into the water. I was convinced that I was flushing my baby down the toilet. It's silly cause even if I was was, at this point, it was maybe the size of a bean. I went to the doctor, he told me there wasn't much left in my uterus, he didn't see a fetus and wanted me to get a DNC. We scheduled an emergency room DNC. I was put into a twilight sleep, and when I woke up, the first thing I said to the doctor was, "I think it's a tubal pregnancy." And, he said, "So do I."

Of course, I think y'all figured out that from here the torture didn't stop. You know, it's funny, up until the point I had the DNC, I kept hoping that the doctor would see something in my uterus, like he'd tell me there it is, it's your baby. After the DNC, I knew that was it. No baby, but the baby hormones didn't decrease, they increased. The doc finally identified a developing mass in my right fallopian tube. I was admitted into the hospital and administered a drug to abort the pregnancy. It kills the developmental tissue, an extremely painful process. You can feel the tissue dying in your body. The pain was so bad one day at work that I just closed the door to my office and lay on the floor for a half hour until it subsided. Ibuprofen didn't work, and besides, I wanted to be a part of this pain. I wanted to feel this death.

In the meantime, the father had dropped off the face of the earth. No explanation. He just stopped taking my phone calls. I was later to find out that he was so devastated at the loss of the pregnancy that he couldn't talk to me. He didn't know what to say or how to handle his emotions. He was nasty to his family and spent most of his time hiding in the bush. He handled the situation badly. He left me alone to deal with it. Thank God for my family and friends! They were there for me every step of the way.

After I received the shot, I went in to have blood drawn every few days until my pregnancy hormone levels dropped below a certain point. It took a few weeks, but finally, by July, the nightmare was over. Of course, by this time, I'd missed the deadline to resubmit my proposal. I'd, also, been forced to give up an exploratory research trip to Costa Rica. I'd stopped caring about my degree anyway. I'd had a purpose in life, even if briefly, and it'd been yanked out from under me. Getting my PhD no longer seemed all that important to me, and without direction or purpose, I started spiraling into my depression. Oddly, I never talked with my therapist about the pregnancy. I guess I just wasn't ready. I only saw him a few times, but it was enough. I just needed to admit to myself that I was depressed and start taking steps, even small ones, to remedy the situation.

It's only been in the last few weeks that these issues have started to resurface. At some random moment, when I'm in a great mood, the memory will come back to me and bring tears to my eyes. I don't dwell on it. I just acknowledge that it's painful and that I'm still grieving the loss. I'm not sure when I'll be completely over it. Maybe not till I actually have a healthy pregnancy. Not only was it difficult to let go of that purpose that had so magically entered my life, but I now didn't trust my own body. I'd never even considered that I wouldn't have a healthy pregnancy, and for the first experience to be so traumatizing, well, pregnancy is a scary thing for me now. It still holds a kind of wonderment and beauty, but it's been forever tainted. If I ever do get pregnant again, I will be haunted by the fear that my body could abort the pregnancy at anytime or that it could be another tubal pregnancy.

Ok, now, I'll tie this back to PCP and my reasons for taking on this challenge. This project marks an important transition period where I let go of that old self and grow into a new, more empowered and focused self. I'm still the same Jenny, but it's time for me to grow up, to start taking responsibility for my life and my actions, to make a contribution to this world. Part of that growing up is learning how to treat my body with love, kindness and respect. A healthy body produces a healthy mind which in turn can deal with life challenges in a healthy way. I was dealing with my grief and sadness by latching on to people, looking to them to validate me, drinking too much, smoking too much and basically numbing myself from the emotional pain. I was looking for something outside to make it better, when really I only needed to work on the inside. That's why PCP is much more than a physical project for me; it's allowed me to really take time and focus intensely on myself and what I want my for my life.

And, with those reflections, I leave you with something uplifting. This is especially dedicated to TEAM SEXAAAY as we enter our last week of workouts on PCP. Don't puss out now! Let's make it happen!

Day 84 - Feeling better

Aw man, thanks for all the positive vibes guys. I actually got a lot of good feedback from Facebook, too. And, believe it or not, I didn't have to cook dinner for myself last night. Some friends invited me over for fish sandwiches. Yay! I cooked a little to prepare myself for today, but it was a nice break and nice to spend some time with friends. Ask and you shall receive. :)

I kinda wanted to prepare you guys for a pretty heavy post I'm planning on putting out there tonight or tomorrow. I've been waffling on whether I should write this post or not, but the issues in it have been resurfacing over the last few weeks in positive ways. Almost like the last throes of the grieving process. I want to put it out there because I want people who are thinking about doing this project to know that it isn't just about your physical body, this can be a very emotionally healing project, too. I think in some ways it connects back to the empowerment theme I wrote on way back in month 1 and also ties into my original reasoning for taking on the PCP. In general, I feel like most people forget that body and mind are connected, inseparable. Of course, it would be natural that as I clear out the spiderwebs from my body, the same will happen to my mind. This wouldn't be possible without our tight, nurturing PCP community, though. I know we've been told that diet is the biggest chunk of this project, but I disagree. I think community and connections are the core of it, or maybe we could think of them as like an umbrella sheltering the diet and exercise components. Yeah, I like that, an umbrella.

So, prepare yourselves, people! I'm going to do my best to make you cry, real tears! ;-) Man, I've really built this up, huh?

Day 83 - Another lonely day

It's days like today when I really feel my loneliness most acutely. I'm still sick, it's moved down into my chest. I call it a croopy cough, not sure where that phrase came from, but I sounds like I'm dying everytime I cough. I sorta feel like I'm dying when I cough, too. This is normal cold progression for me. Sore throat, runny nose and then it moves into my chest for a couple days. All the while, I'm just tired, achy and miserable. I don't have a fever or anything. I just feel like a big pile of mush. I've continued the workouts to the best of my ability. My whole upper body is sore to the max. Thank God for tomorrow's rest day. I want to do nothing but lie on the couch, read books, watch movies, and sleep all day long. Unfortunately, I can't, and this is where the loneliness sets in and I start to feel sorry for myself.

If I don't get up and go to the store this afternoon and cook tonight, I won't have food for dinner or the rest of the week. If I don't go to work tomorrow, I don't get paid. If I don't go do the list of chores my land lord left for me, her chickens and her plants will be mucho unhappy. If I don't mow my lawn, it'll just keep growing taller and taller and annoying me more and more. If I don't sweep or vacuum, I'll pick up crap on my feet as I walk through my house. If I don't start the laundry, I won't have clean clothes to workout in the rest of the week. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! I'm tired; I'm sick; I want to rest. I miss having someone to do these things for me when I'm down for the count. It makes me sad. I want a hug and somebody to go to the fucking grocery store for me, damnit.

~sigh~ I was going to go to the gym today. Sorta fake workout and observe, but I just can't bring myself to face a bunch of annoying new freshman undergrads in this mood. Yeah, I'm probably in better shape than most of them at this point, but I might punch the first one to say something stupid. It's better for their health that I stay away for today.

Day 82 - CHICKENS

Aren't they adorable? I'm chicken-sitting for my land lords for the next 10 days. These beautiful hens will give me these:

It doesn't get much more local than this. Yay for free local eggs, because dude, local eggs are $4.50 a dozen right now. I can't afford them anymore. They've finally priced them out of my range.

In other news, finally, finally, finally, a real, honest-to-God pull-up. I did it! After 3 months, 1 freakin' pull-up. It was kind of anti-climatic. I did it and was, like, OK, well, now what? 2. Next goal, 2 pull-ups. Onwards.

Planks conquered me this morning. After last week's triumph, they took their revenge. Evil bastards. My music of choice this morning was Garbage, Version 2.0. Even that couldn't get me through, PUSH IT! Nice try, Shirley Manson.

I signed up for an Aerial Dance class this morning. "Learn beginning Cirque Du Soliel dance moves working on a trapeze and chiffon. Come prepared to have fun and a good workout." Ok, I'm in! This from the woman afraid of heights. :) Bah, whatever, it's only 4 classes. Just an introduction, but sounds fun and challenging. First class, Sept. 1.

Hope all's well out there with all the other PCP peeps. It's almost bedtime for me. I'm at 80% today. Tomorrow promises to be good. x's and o's to all!

Day 81 - Is exercise work? (Take 2)

YES! We all know this to be a fact after 3 months (or 51 days, or 20 days) of hard work. We're all seeing amazing results and feeling the payoff from our hard work. Is it worth the hard work? Well, I had this epiphany last weekend at the Tampa Bay Rays baseball game. I was sitting in the very last row, DD (opposite of my bra cup size). It was a good hike up stadium stairs to get to my seat. For me, it was easy. I bounced up the stairs without breaking a sweat. I mean, really, after pistol squats, floor jumps and the CREEP, what's a few stadium stairs? PUH-LEASE!

While sitting there, I started paying attention to the people around me. There was this woman, overweight, older. I watched her struggle to get up the stairs. Breathing heavy, as she got higher, she would stop at every step to catch her breath and work herself up for the next one. I really felt for her. I mean, she was working so HARD just to get to her seat at a baseball game. I observed her at least a couple times. She probably had to pee after drinking the bottomless 32 oz. soda in a souvenir cup. $8 for all you can drink soda till the end of the game. And, if you're sneaky, like my friends, you hide it in the bottom of your bag and drink bottomless soda for multiple games. 32 oz. of soda is a lot the first time 'round. Now, maybe if it were 32 oz. of bottomless beer....

Getting to the point. My epiphany was, we have a choice to either a) work hard at keeping an exercise regime and controlling our eating to maintain a good condition so that routine and fun activities are easy or b) sit on our butts, eat and drink whatever we want but sacrifice our health thereby making our routine and fun activities WORK. I know that there are various shades of grey in between these two options, but the older we get, the harder it is to choose option B and actually do the everyday things with ease. I don't know about you, but I want to be able to bound up those stadium stairs for a long time to come. Huffing and puffing up them looked like WAY too much work for me.

A sicky-poo update. I'm feeling at about 60-70% today. I did a 4/5 workout this morning. I actually feel good while I'm working out. It's after that I get tired and rundown. I came home early and slept another couple hours this afternoon. I plan on spending the weekend sleeping, sleeping and sleeping some more. No socializing this weekend. This will also make my bank account happy. Really, I think the key to keeping up the workouts while I recover from the cold is sleep. I hope tomorrow I'll be up to at least 80%.

On pull-ups. I'm so close. I'm there, really. It's just the last bit of the motion that I'm struggling to complete, getting my chin over the top of the bar. I've got my chin to a height that is above the bar. I've decided to drop the incline pull-ups completely and use a chair to help me do assisted pull-ups. I can use my legs to take some of the weight off the back and get in the full motion. I still reach failure using this method, and my back muscles, especially the ones to either side of the neck, were extra sore today. I WILL do one unassisted pull-up by Day 90.

Last but not least, if you just can't get enough of 8 minute abs guy, try 8 minute buns. BUNS!!! So 80s! I mean, his enthusiasm gets me every time. "Guaranteed to burn the buns!" "These are FUN!" "Squeeze tight and concentrate!" "What do you want the buttocks to look like?" "Your jeans are gonna look better in no time!" So much goodness! Are you sold? Did I just ruin it for you? I doubt it, it's just not the same without his spunkiness. :)

Day 81 - I HATE SAFARI!

I just spent a half hour on an AWESOME post. It was good people, good. Apparently, Safari hates me and saved none of it. Not even the title. All it saved was Day 81 -

That's it. Oh god, I'm pissed. I will walk away from my computer, take many deep breaths....and reboot (myself not my computer). I'm using Firefox now. I was using Safari because Firefox doesn't want to allow me to comment on your pages. I can't explain it. My computer doesn't want me to blog.

And, get this, it's only google sites that Safari intermittently doesn't want to work for...why? WHY???

I promise to rewrite my amazing Day 81 post and get it back out. ~sigh~

Day 80 - Holy Green Goo!

Gooey snot is starting to ooze from my head. Oh yay! I ended up leaving work early again today, just felt horrendous and body was calling for a nap. I was a little resentful of the heat this afternoon. Usually, I'm ok with it, but today I wanted some A/C to cool it down to a reasonable 82 for sleeping purposes. I dozed and sweated and dozed and sweated some more. Until I finally said, screw it and got up to eat my yogurt and egg and play with the blog. Honestly, I don't have much to say, but at Deborah's suggestion and Elena's inspiration, I took a fridge picture. Behold, the fridge of chaotic order!

I cut up a honey dew last night, YUMMY! I remember this type of yellow melon in Morocco (where I did my first Peace Corps service) with a taste somewhere in between honeydew and cantaloupe. I love, loved that melon...I've never eaten it anywhere else. I wish I could find it here. Also, have some water buffalo T-bones marinating in there. There's a professor here that raises water buffalo. I was disappointed to find out that Wortershire sauce has high fructose corn syrup in it. :( SAD. So, I marinated them with some non-salt steak season, low-sodium soy and a little honey. Cookin' em up tonight. Also, I bought that gallon of milk on Sunday. Holy crap, I'm going through some MILK! I roasted a chicken last night and made chicken tacos with the meat. Oh god, so freakin' good! Had 3 for lunch today...it was a lot of food. I'm eating ALOT of food right now. WHERE DOES IT GO??? I'll probably have to clean out that door at some point. Get rid of all the stuff with evil ingredients.

PS It just rained hard enough here for it to puddle at my front door. The sun was out the entire time, and there was blue sky in all directions. Only in Florida does rain fall on one man's house, or in this case, woman's house.

UPDATE: New pics posted.

Day 79B - Belize, Part Deux

Finally, more Belize. I guess I've really only written about the road trip.

It's the rainy season in Belize, and the Crooked Tree Lagoon was full. I wouldn't call it flood stage, but one good tropical storm could send it there. How about a little history on Crooked Tree to start? The community is on a little island that's surrounded by a network of lagoons. Rain water from all over the Northern part of the country drains into this lagoon during the rainy season. During the dry season, it's a haven for water birds of all sorts. One can also find the endangered Jabiru stork hanging around in various sections of the lagoon, where depends on the season. The village is smack dab in the middle of Crooked Tree Wildlife Sanctuary, established in 1984 and managed by Belize Audubon Society. The village was actually there WAY before the sanctuary.

The village population is Creole, a mix of Scottish/English scallywags (at least that's my guess) and runaway/freed slaves. They've been fishing/farming the land for a good 100-200 years. You can imagine they were a bit miffed when all the sudden an outside organization came in and deemed their land a wildlife sanctuary. I expect they thought something like, WTF? Still, the coming of the sanctuary brought some benefits. A causeway was built that linked the village to the Northern Highway and allowed for modernization to occur at a rapid pace. Before the causeway, the villagers either had to take a canoe across the lagoon and then hike or ride a horse to catch a bus on the highway or ride a boat all the way to Belize City. And, that was in the 80s! No running water, no electricity, no phones. Now the village is like any other little developing village. Nice houses, most with running water, most with electricity, children running around with cell phones nicer than mine! It's a little mind-boggling to me. The causeway also brought tourism dollars into the community. It was a slow process, but tourism allowed for the development of local lodges and restaurants. All in all it's an adorable little community. Lots of gossip but lots of love, too. :)

This is where I found myself in the summer of 2004. Driving in, first time in Belize, dropped at a family's house and left to figure out how to make connections and contacts in the community. Somehow, in 3 months, I managed to gather enough interviews to write a thesis and make lifelong friends/family. I love this village, this country and this culture.

One of my favorite pictures from my research days. This family here is wringing the cashew nut from the cashew fruit. Cashews are a central part of the agricultural economy of Crooked Tree. Almost everyone has cashew trees in their yards, and every year in May, the village hosts a cashew festival. Cashews are great, but they are a pain in the arse to process.

Cashew fruit on tree. The fruit itself has a tangy, sweet, metallic flavor. Refreshing but strange.

To process the fruit, it's picked from the tree or gathered off the ground. The fruit is wrung from the nut. The nut is roasted over a hot, open flame. The shell is cracked open to get the the good meaty stuff on the inside. The shell itself contains a poison that burns and cracks the skin. Old timers just crack the nut with their bare, calloused hands. Younger folks wear gloves. White folks don't come near the nuts during this process; we're too fragile. :) After removal from the shell, the cashews are placed in a cast iron pot and baked from the top. This means a piece of metal is placed over the pot and coconut husks are burned over the top for heat. Many villagers cut corners and bake in the oven, but the best cashews are baked the traditional way, in my opinion. The last part of the process is removing a little skin on the outside of the cashew. Even this part kills the skin on the fingertips. My skin turns brown, and I peel the next day.

Taken in 2004, while I was helping to "pick seed." Look at all those cashews!!

Hand-processed cashews are like gold. You can't buy anything in the store that tastes like these cashews. They are non-oily, non-salty and sweet, so deliciously sweet. Hint: I may have brought some back as souvenirs. ;-)

Now, onwards to 2010. Wow, it's been 6 years? Also, mind-boggling. The lagoon was high, so this was my limo to the the front door of my cabin complete with my favorite bushy limo-driver.

Here's the cute little cabin I stayed in...it's actually Bruce's sister's house. She lives in Venice, Italy with her husband and visits once every year or two. This is an old picture, the house was added onto in 2007, but I forgot to take a recent pic.

The addition room where I did my workouts and hung a hammock to read in during the breezy afternoons.

My view during the workout. Water brings me peace.

My front drive. I LOVE that I was flooded in and completely isolated.

The little starving kitty that adopted me. Broke my heart to leave this little guy behind. I named him Tripod, because his third leg was a little stump.

I spent the majority of my time in this little cabin, but I did canoe over to the main village and visit with the family. I did my share of pickin' seed. I ate midday dinner with the family. Lots of fresh venison. YUM! I really didn't do much else. I live on island time when I'm in Belize. I learn to live a little more in the NOW while I'm there, because everyone else certainly does. The likelihood of someone showing up when they say they will is about 50%. The other 50% of the time, well, they get busy doing other things. And, when you get upset with them for not showing, Belizeans just look at you like you're crazy. They are saying, "What are you stressing yourself for? It's no big deal. I went fishing instead. Next time." :) I've loosened my Western mentality of early or on time...it's still in me, but I get less stressed about lateness in general now.

Wow, this post has gotten long. I was going to chat a bit about the Belize City market, maybe in another post. I think I'll wrap this up. Update on sickness. I came home, ate lunch, fell asleep for 3 hours on my sofa. Quite a feat in my hot, sweaty house. My body is very happy with me right now. Still feeling under the weather but refreshed from the nap. I think tomorrow may be another half workout. Hopefully, by the next leg day (UGH!), I'll be back to normal. Night, lovies!!!

Day 79 - Halfsies

I woke up this morning with a wicked sore throat. Wait, let me back up. I came home yesterday with plans to mow the lawn, sat down on my couch with my yogurt, got really sleepy....so, I laid down on the couch and crashed for a half hour. I mean, I was really, really exhausted. When I roused myself to go eat tacos and swim with some friends (PCP friendly), I had the hint of a scratch in the back of my throat. I thought, shit, I'm getting sick. This morning, it's confirmed. I'm sick. Not a knock me out of commission type sick, but an annoying, painful throat, fatiguey type sick. ~sigh~ Seriously, right here at the last push my body is going to revolt on me?? So, I decided to make today a half day. Half everything (well, not half food), but half work day and half workout. Let me just say, that even a half a workout at this stage is no walk in the park. I'm trying to figure out how in the hell I did those 5 planks on Saturday morning. I did 3 today and was right tired. Then again, if I'm sick, my body isn't as able to hold up to the demands as easily.

Anyway, still have that Belize post coming...I'll get it out this afternoon. I'll come home and sit on my couch and do nothing physical, except cook. :) No reason why I can't blog while I'm vegged out on the sofa.

Day 77 - It's the return!

Of mah appetite! Thank the Gods! I was really starting to worry about myself. How could I not be hungry yet be working my little bootie so hard? Maybe my indulgence kicked it back in? At any rate, glad to have it back, especially with my increased food portions. To be honest, the diet is a lot of food for me. I'm not used to stuffing so much food in my mouth, but I guess when it's not super fatty, sugary, salty foods, I can eat more of it. Hey, whatever works!

I've found that spreading my carbs and veg out a little bit over the day reduces the gas and makes it much easier to get it all down. I caught the vegetable recommendation from Kowhai's bloat post. So, for instance, today, I ate whole wheat linguini topped with a ground turkey, mushroomy, peppery tomato sauce. Then, brought raw veggies (cucumbers, carrots and radishes) to nom on thru the rest of the afternoon. I saved some of my carbs to eat with my afternoon tea, yogurt and a slice of raisin bread. Let's not forget the egg white, oh YUM! :)

Not much else to report. A sneak preview of tomorrow's post: Finishing up my Belize stories with some pictures of my little house and workout area. Also, some thoughts on the Belize City farmer's market.

Your Brain on Computers

Interesting stuff. This is a whole NYT series but here's the most recent article. I find this stuff fascinating and am especially interested in how all this technology affects development in children. I can't believe how many parents just allow their kids unregulated access to TV, cell phones, computers, etc. Anyway, another facet of health to consider....

As a side note, it's a dream of mine to canoe Glen Canyon. I've driven through, it's a breath-takingly beautiful place. Southern Utah is full of unique rock structures. I need to spend some extended time there.

Day 76 - Tapas Pig-Out

Before I get to my final indulgence (which was indulgently extra indulgent), let's give some updates on working out and general energy levels. I ran this morning instead of jumping. I haven't run since the Peachtree, so thought it was about time to get out there and enjoy my favorite trail. I did the 4 mile loop in 35:15, so that's under 9-minute miles. Huge improvements. I've never consistently run anything under 9 1/2 minute miles. That said, the humidity was atrocious this morning. So bad that another runner actually commented to me, "I don't know about you, but that run humbled me." I was feeling the same way. Rivulets of sweat streaming down my body, I said, "No shit! It's friggin' humid!" Ah, the eloquence. Anyway, the run zapped me. I took me till 5 PM to feel ready to do the strength work. I got my chin even with the bar during pull-ups today. Not quite a full pull-up, but centimeters away.

My energy levels have definitely dropped in the last 24 hours. I'm sure you've all noticed my recent exuberant posts. :) Maybe it was PCP-style PMS (endorphin induced delirious happiness instead of bloat and depression?), because my period is starting today. I felt the first slight pangs of it this morning before my run and suspect this combined with my humid run are the reasons for my dramatically decreased energy levels. Napped today, read today, fought to motivate myself to do much of anything today. :) Ah, it's Sunday and rainy. I'll be easy on myself.

My last indulgence was a wonderful experience. I went to a tapas restaurant in St. Pete with my friends, Chuck and Leslie. The same couple who ran the Peachtree with me. I ate so much that I thought I was going to explode, literally. It felt like all that food was trying to escape out my abs! I had some serious muscle cramping. Not stomach cramps, people. My ab muscles were cramping. I've never felt anything like it. Below you'll find a picture diary of my dining experience, remember all dishes were shared among three people. I didn't eat all this food. :)

Olives and marinated mushrooms. Salty goodness.

Beef tenderloin topped with an absurd amount of blue cheese. My favorite dish. I ate the majority of that blue cheese. Every bite was fantastic.

Scallops topped with an 'M' cheese (can't remember) in a beschamel sauce. My second favorite dish. So YUM!

In that cocktail dish is some sushi grade tuna in a salty lemony marinade. And, then some fried chicken, ham, cheese goodness in the background.

Me stuffing my mouth with a veal, chorizo, pork meatball and my second glass of sangria. I don't usually eat veal (eating baby cows that never dance in the world makes me feel guilty) but I wanted the chorizo in the meatball. I didn't figure they could just take the veal out.

Last but FAR from least. Tres leches. I went to the bathroom and came back to find this monstrosity parked in front of me. I'm not gonna lie; it was fantastic. I could only get 4 bites down, though. So rich! I did make sure to finish off all fruit on the plate.

Indulgence #3. I think I indulged right nicely, but I couldn't function afterwards. All I could do was lay down on my mattress and moan. I drank 3 sangrias, but luckily, I woke up the next day with no aftereffects. I got up. I did some extra jumping even. Pushed out those 5 90-second planks...even added an extra 10 seconds onto the last one. I think the music I was listening to did the trick. And, it was all good.

Day 75 - Boo yah!

90 sec planks mastered! Bam! Is that all you got??? Bring it, Day 76! Ha!

I'm watching Ninja Warrior right now. I don't have cable, never seen this show! OMG, these people are AMAZING!!! I want to be a Ninja Warrior! :) Patrick, why are you not on this show?

Day 74 - Double jumps

Finally, finally, I have successfully done a double jump and continued my jumping. Well, really, finally I've done a double jump. I have been trying and trying and never been able to get my rope around in time. I suspect shortening my rope was the key to my success. Thanks, Patrick. Though, I know my coordination and confidence with the rope are much improved, too. I did 6 double jumps in a continuous set today. Life is good.

I've been super sore this week. My legs were noticeably weaker today than they were on Tuesday, and they were still a bit sore. I think this week is my sorest PCP week so far. That's good, though. Means I've been really pushing myself. Also, my abs are tight. TIGHT. I feel it when I'm standing, walking around and just in general all the time. It's a strange, strange feeling. I can't even force myself to slump nowadays, and I'm all jittery when I sit too long. I have to get up and move around my office at least every half hour or 45 minutes. My legs get tight and uncomfortable if I don't.

And, also, I just want to report how wonderful my day was yesterday. Nothing special happened other than I just sort went through my day with a calm, clear mind. I actually had this beautiful, random tingly sensation of pure joy when I was driving to my landlord's house to pay my rent. That was kinda special. :) Part of my rent requirement is that I drive over there and spend a short time visiting with them. It's a nice relationship. They are an elderly, retired couple. Fascinating folks. Built a sailboat and sailed to the Bahamas every summer when they were my age. Amazing. Anyway, point is, my day was packed full, but I went through it with a kind of acceptance of everything. No stress when I was late. No annoyance when my boss pushed me to meet a deadline, which I met. Just calm. I wish everyday were like yesterday. Maybe I'm getting a little closer to the balance I'm striving for? I don't expect everyday to be like that in the future, but I plan on working to make more days like it. Because in the end, these things don't just magically become a part of our life. We become calm and balanced through practice, lots of practice.

Day 72 - Blasted

That's what I am after these last two workouts. They kicked my rear! My legs are sore today, and I expect my poor arms will be sore tomorrow. Aye yai yai!! OUCH! I never fail at planks, but holy god, 90 seconds is a loooong time. My body just starts to droop in the middle as I'm shaking like there's an earthquake in my tummy...I yank it back, it droops, yank, droop, yank, CRASH! Fail. Cry/laugh with face in floor. Gingerly roll to back and stare at ceiling, frozen, for at least 5 minutes. Wow. I guess I can just expect every one of these last workouts to be intense and full of failure. I really don't think there's anything I didn't fail at tonight...wait, wait, legups, NO FAIL!!! Woohoo!

Also, I want to voice a concern that I haven't been all that hungry lately. It's weird. I feel like with all this work I should be starving or something. But, I only eat on my schedule b/c, well, it's in the schedule. But, if I ate on hunger, I wouldn't eat nearly as regular. So, I haven't been eating all my carbs at lunch, maybe 100 instead of 150. I've made myself eat ALL protein, even when I can't stand the thought of another friggin' egg white. Why? Why am I not hungry? Please enlighten me, oh wise one (that's you Patrick, in case you didn't get it). The last thing I want to do is to burn this hard-earned muscle.

Day 71 - The Road

First off, I'm feeling 90% better today. My stomach is still a bit sensitive, but all other symptoms have disappeared. I got a wonderful night of sleep. Also, new pics posted. Check them out. I'm super impressed with my shoulders.

So today I want to talk about the road from Gainesville, Florida to the Belize border. 2500 miles in 3.5 days. Intense, people. Instead of going through the trip step by step, which I think would be immensely boring, I'm going to touch on some highlights that are PCP related.

One, sitting in a car for 12-16 hours straight is pure torture after being so active for the past 2 months. At the end of Day One, my lower back was in some serious pain. It was so bad I thought I might have trouble sleeping. The pain was partially from sitting ALL DAY, and I think partially from holding in my stinky egg farts. I mean, really, I didn't want to subject Pio to that kind of evil stench. The pain really never subsided; it was always there in the background and most acute after 3 hours of driving. As a passenger, I was able to move around a bit, readjust, take some pressure off, but as the driver, I was stuck in one position until we stopped. It sucked.

Two, there were times during the trip where my snacks and lunches were a bit delayed. This was bad news for my emotional state. Actually, it was a fascinating phenomenon. Pio could tell when I was getting hungry, because my mood swung from chipper, happy Jenny to mean, unfocused, grouchy Jenny. I found it considerably harder to control my temper when it was food time and food was not immediately forthcoming. It wasn't a gradual thing either, it was like a switch flipped. Body says, "FEED ME!!!"

Three, my newfound leg strength made squatting over dirty toilets for long pees so much easier!! I mean, I didn't get tired at all. I actually found myself prolonging my pees just to see how long I could hover over the toilet seat. Awesome new skill.

Four, Mexico has these great new convenience stores scattered all along the road now. OXXOs. OMG!! They were my savior. Ice! They had ice! My milk and yogurt lasted all the way till my last day in Belize because of this godsend. Even more exciting, they were open at 4 AM as we were getting on the road with freshly brewed coffee. Oh OXXO, how I love thee! I've considered writing a letter to the Mexican government and asking that they encourage more of these oases.

Five, I inspired my friend, Pio. As he watched me workout, he remembered his days of martial arts training in Colorado and was determined to get back into decent shape. He was most impressed that I'd done this of my own accord, without any workout buddies. I explained that I had you guys, my TEAM SEXAAAY, and that was the support network that made it possible. In many ways, that is the genius of this project. The accountability. Anyway, here's some pics he took of me working out in Aldama, Mexico. I remember distinctly during this workout the 5 60-second planks. I'm not sure how I completed the last one, but after it was over, I fell to the ground and laughed and cried all at once. I couldn't help it. I was completely overcome with emotion; it was an involuntary reaction.

And, following along this theme, I brought my halfway present, Shambhala, to read in the car. During the hardest part of the road, where we crept along at 35-40 mph because the two lane highway is so bad and there are so many tractor trailers, I pulled it out and began reading it out loud to calm Pio.

An example of the double tractor trailer, pass it or crawl.

What a perfect book for the occasion! It kept me from focusing on the road and feeling stressed by my lack of control over the car, and Pio claims it helped him focus. He also claims that it inspired him to get into public service in Belize. We shall see. :) I gave him the copy before we parted ways. Also, left a copy with Bruce. Bought a new one on Sunday.

Well, y'all, I think that's enough of the road. It's always a great bonding experience, but I was glad when we reached the border. My body was done with being in its boxy, Corolla prison.

Day 70 - Food poisoning?

I woke up this morning with horrible stomach cramps, followed by even worse diarrhea. Sorry, it's true. As the day wore on, I got feverish with muscle cramps and a headache. I forced food down because I wasn't hungry but felt I needed to be eating. I also forced myself through jumps this morning, which weren't too bad but difficult with the cramping. I'm feeling much better now, cramping pretty much gone, but very, very tired. This will be a short post and then off to bed to sleep and recover.

I'm speculating it was a raw egg. That makes me sad because the culprit would be my local eggs. Not sure. I've continued with my raw eggs and am getting better. I know at this point most people would be like forget it, boil them, but maybe it wasn't the eggs. Maybe it's something else? Meh, who knows? Here's hoping I feel 100% better tomorrow!

As an afterthought, I found myself craving a piece of dark chocolate or a bag of skittles or a coke, something sweet & indulgent. I mean, wtf? Why would I want those thing when my stomach is a disaster. Maybe a comfort thing?

UPDATE: I wonder if it was the drinkable yogurt that was in my fridge the entire time I was out of town. It didn't taste too bad, but it was a couple weeks old. Hmmmm....getting rid of it and visiting the store tomorrow.

Day 69 - Quiet day of reflection & my confessions

Literally. That's what I did today. If my fridge wasn't almost completely empty, I wouldn't have left the house. My fridge is now packed full of good stuff! I spent the rest of the day slowly unpacking, doing laundry and other random housework and reflecting on my week away in silence. No music, no nothing. It was good.

I'm having difficulty figuring out where to begin with my adventures. I think I'll start with the confessions, just to get them out of the way. All in all, I did a great job with sticking to the diet, but there were definitely some slip-ups, planned mini-indulgences and unintentional consequences of being on the road. I ate way too much salt. This was the biggest unintentional diet faux pas. Seriously, there is no such thing as eating out or eating at someone else's abode without too much salt. Literally impossible. Sometimes it was overwhelming, the food wasn't bad, just not as good as it would be with less salt.

I had 2 1/2 beers. The first was on the road, at the end of Day 2 driving. Crossing the border was a nightmare (took us 3 hours b/c of a slow-ass, lazy fee processing dude, ARGH!!, should've taken 1 hour or less). Also, within 15 minutes of being across the border, we were pulled over by the policia for a "random check". Psh-shaw! Random my ass! I expect they wanted money. My friend stood strong through his frisking, and I played the clueless American tourist act. They let us go without too much of a fight. It was an amazingly stressful day. Please see Exhibit A below, me enjoying said beer in a restaurant in Aldama, Mexico.

The other beer and 1/2 were Dragon Stouts with my man friend on the last night in Belize. I can only find Dragons (Jamaican beer) in Belize. I swear it is formulated to react as the perfect aphrodisiac with a couple puffs of the MJ. TMI? Ah well, tough shit. I like unadulterated honesty. Since we're on this subject let me just briefly say that sex in near peak condition is AMAZING. Strength, stamina and flexibility. I need say no more.

Let's see, other confessions. OH, I had one powder bun fresh out of the oven. These are like the Belizean version of snickerdoodles, but a little more doughy. I was visiting some Belize family and was offered one. As far as I'm concerned, I was required to eat it, period. When in a foreign country where the majority of people bust their asses for what little they have, one does not turn down offered food. Especially when it's a special treat. Eating 4 or 5, bad. Eating 1, acceptable.

I had some unlawful dinner carbs on 3 occasions. A few fresh tortilla chips, a Johnny cake and a flour tortilla. I was weak on these occasions. I didn't have to eat them. No one would have been offended. I just wanted them, home-made and so tasty. I regret them only a little, but forgave myself quickly and moved on.

And, my last confession. I skipped Day 64 workout. It was the last driving day. We woke up at 4AM, on the road by 4:45 AM, arrived at the Mexico/Belize border around noon, left the border around 4 PM and arrived in Crooked Tree around 5:30 PM. I spent the rest of the evening with my special friend (he has a name, it's Bruce), relaxing, unwinding from the road and falling asleep blissfully early. My body needed the rest. Being on the road is stressful and hard on the body. As much as I hate that I missed a workout, I know that at the time, it was the right thing to do.

And, that's that for this post. I'll move onto other aspects of my week away in subsequent posts, but I don't want to throw it all at y'all at once. And, I'm making a commitment to limiting my blogging/computer time. My day with the MacBook is through for now.

It IS good to be back and in touch with everyone again. I missed my team, a lot, and as much as part of me wishes I were still in my cabin by the waterside, it is wonderful to be home.

Day ? - I'm back!

I'm back from my time warp and trying to settle back into my normal routine. Lots of housework and whatnot to take care of today. I'll give a more detailed report of my PCP road trip experience over the next few days. To whet your appetite, I present a short clip of me jumping in the hallway of a Mexican hotel. This is the end of Day 3 of driving. The hotel is just outside of Villahermosa, Mexico. This series of criss-crosses caused some curious Mexicanos to stick their heads out of their doors and look at me as if I were insane. :)

Leaving Belize is always bitter-sweet for me, but it's good to be back home. Must go catch-up now!