Day 60 - Rain Delay

Or, packing delay, actually. My friend ran out of time to pack his Gainesville life into a Toyota Corolla and asked for an extra day. I gladly gave it to him because at 11 PM last night I was still trying to finalize grading and finish cooking and pack. I was basically looking at a night with little to no sleep, and we all know that is really, really unhealthy. My friend's call was like a blessing from the heavens. Even though it shorts me a day in Belize, it'll be so nice to have an entire day where everyone in Gainesville thinks I'm gone. My boss, my friends, no one will call! I can do WHATEVER I want....what will I do? Leisurely finish getting ready, read a book, yoga, deep clean some spaces in my house, lay in my hammock and watch the birds, get a haircut, oh god, so much open time. Blissful.

What a difference from yesterday morning. I almost had a complete mental breakdown. You know when you look at what has to get accomplished in that day and think, holy crap, this is impossible. I was just looking at everything at once and it caused a complete freeze in my mental ability. I called a friend and said, "Give me a pep talk!" Then, I just started crying and blubbering about not enough time, overcommitted and wishing there were someone around to help. He gave me a pep talk; we hung up; I felt immensely more focused and relieved. Sometimes I just need someone to listen and the world seems a little brighter. Of course, I realize that all the stuff I was crying about is my own damn fault. I've created this world of overcommitments for myself. I can uncreate it. It's all a matter of priorities. So, this free day came at a good time for reflecting on the things in my life that are most important and if there's anything I can cut that would make it a little more free. Once the PCP is over and I can be a little more forgiving of my food choices, some time will be freed up.

In other news, I think I've finally come to terms with my skinny issues. After I took my updated pics in my new bikini yesterday, I looked hard at myself. Am I really too skinny? Most of my insecurities stem from knowing that some of my friends definitely think I'm too skinny and some might even be a little worried about it. I spoke with a different friend about this issue last night. He gave me this perspective. My friends have known me for years and years as the person I was in the picture from Day One. My weight has fluctuated a bit, but for the most part, they are comfortable with the Day One me. They have watched me go from that to Day 59, and it's been a significant physical and even mental change. Understandably, there'd be a bit of uncomfortableness in the process. In some ways, it's like they're looking at a whole new person and that can be scary. How is it going to affect our relationship, our future? Who will I be when this project is over? Will it be someone that is compatible with them in the same way I was compatible at Day One? My answer to that is yes. I'm not in the business of losing friends. I never have been...once loved by Jenny, always loved by Jenny. No amount of wrong can end the love I feel for someone. Unless someone breaks my trust with malicious intentions, they are my friend forever. People break trust all the time, but rarely aiming to hurt on purpose. Anyway, I like the perspective my friend brought to the issue. :) That's why I keep him around, he's good at helping me see things from angles that I may not have considered thoroughly enough.

Also, to ease my mind, I started looking up pictures of skinny people. I now feel 100% better and 100% sexy. Please refer to picture below, I'm entitling in Jenny vs. Skinny:

The woman on the left, healthy. The woman on the right, unhealthy. I asked my friend last night his thoughts on my new body. His thoughts were, yes, he thinks I look small and it's taking his mind time to adjust to it. However, he thinks I look healthy, very healthy and that's a good thing. I love my friends. What would I do without them? Friends are so good at helping to evaluate things when my mind just seems to freeze up and focus on negatives. I'm an independent person but having a strong social network makes a world of difference in mental health. This is why I am also thankful for this community of PCP people. Without y'all, this project would be extremely difficult and perhaps impossible for me. I have a newfound respect for Patrick and making the decision to do something like this without a pre-made social support system. I realize he had some support through the process, but not like we've had here, where we're required to read and comment on each other's blogs.

A couple of my random thoughts to round out the post. I did a half pull-up yesterday!!!!! It surprised me when it happened. I held it halfway for a good ten seconds. I did one more try and didn't make it nearly as far, so switched to incline pull-ups. I love all these visible progress markers. I really do think I'll do one pull-up before the project is over! Exciting! Last random thought, I saw Damian Marley in the Publix grocery store a couple days ago. Ok, ok, it wasn't him but his shorter-dreaded doppleganger. As I walked into the store, we locked eyes, really locked eyes. Made my blood race a little faster. It was a nice moment we shared...perhaps if I'm lucky, I'll run into him again.

If I have time tonight, I'll squeeze in one last post with food pics for the trip. Now, to start my free day of fun!

PS My adolescent hummingbirds were peaking at me through my kitchen window this morning. OMG!!! So cute!