The Peak Condition Project - Jenny

Final Post

2010-08-31T13:54:00.000-07:00

I still don't really know what to say, but by god, I want that COMPLETE stamp. I'll just wing it and see what happens. I've spent the last couple days trying to adjust to the idea that I can eat and drink whatever I want whenever I want without thinking about it. That adjustment isn't coming and perhaps may never come. I've been hyper-conscious of every food or drink choice. Is this the right thing for my body? How is this going to make me feel? I've been allowing myself yummy indulgences, though. I ate out TWICE yesterday. OMG! Cuban for lunch. A strange sort of Mexican for dinner. For lunch, I ate half a cuban sandwich and instead of fries ordered the mixed veggies. The cuban was the greasiest, fattiest, salty thing I could possibly choose, and it was good, very good. I think the salt bloated me to twice my size though. Hey, at least I went veggies instead of french fries. And, for dinner, 2 tempeh tacos, whipped sweet potatoes and watermelon. I ate a leftover taco for breakfast. Both meals out were tasty. I enjoyed them. It is nice to say yes to friends, but then I went to the grocery store this afternoon and bought a basket full of organic veggies and fruits. So, as the next few weeks progress, I expect to find that balance of enjoying indulgences with friends and eating well at home.

I miss jumping rope. I've made myself take the last two days off from workouts. I rode my bike, though! Can't stop that! I think I'll start back with the rope tomorrow morning. I feel stiff when I wake up and need to pump that blood through the muscles early, work out all the kinks. Really, in the end, I enjoy working out. I even, but just a little, miss floor jumps. OMG!!! Did I say that???

Ok, ok, how about some pictures?! I know you want some. As far as stats, I can say I started out at 103.8 lbs and finished at 96.2 lbs. I probably lost over 10 lbs of fat but gained some of those lbs back in muscle. Really, your guess is as good as mine. I don't have all those fancy fat/muscle percentage numbers. Let's suffice it to say, I'm a teeny, weeny human being that can kick your ass. ;-)

Here's a gratuitous muscle shot.

And, just to give some perspective on how many inches I lost. The shorts I'm showing off in the picture below fit quite snugly before PCP. In fact, I'd say they were so tight I couldn't wear them out in public. I was too self-conscious about how they squeezed my ass. Fine around a boyfriend, not fine around a bunch of random people. I wore them the other day to a swimming pool. Got out of the swimming pool cold. Put them on. They fell off. I had to borrow a belt to keep them up.

I've made some great progress physically and mentally. I have two physical markers, my 1 pull-up! Strength, baby! And, the other day, I successfully balanced in crow pose. Not as long as I would like to hold the pose, but it's a start. Practice, practice, practice. I really, really want to pull myself into a headstand, but I'll start slow and work up. I need more flexibility! I've never been all that flexible, but I definitely became more flexible while working PCP. I hope with ballet and other future physical projects that I can continue increasing my flexibility, which will help tremendously with some of those advanced yoga poses.

Mentally, well, I was thinking today about how to express this progress. I thought of two things. Before I went to Belize, I was talking with a friend. In a good-natured way, he was complaining about how he was going to a house-warming party on Friday, where he'd get wasted, then a birthday party on Saturday, where he'd get wasted, and basically, just moaning about the fact that he'd be getting flat out party drunk all weekend. I said, you know, you don't HAVE to get so plastered. He said, yes, I do, Jenny, it's a group effort. Which made me stop and think, yes, yes, you're right, it IS a group effort. My decision to stop drinking before PCP and to continue that (excepting a few indulgences) through PCP was not necessarily ALL because I was becoming an emotional alcoholic but because I was becoming a social alcoholic. I just couldn't say no. Bear with me, this might be a bit convoluted. I really don't think I'm an emotional eater or drinker. I think I'm an emotional socialite. Eating and drinking, as we've discovered, are super social events. When I'm down, I bury myself in my friends. "You, friends, make me feel better! Make me feel loved!" So, I eat and I drink to contribute to the group effort and hope that it will make everyone love me. I want so badly for everyone to just love me.

I remember being in middle school, those awkward horrible in between years. When I was in 6th grade, I wanted more than anything to fit in with a certain group. I bought Duckheads (remember those shorts?) in all kinds of colors and these crazy colorful belts to wear with them. These were what the "in" crowd was wearing at the time. I just didn't fit, and my clothes weren't making them want to be my friend. At some point in 8th grade, I completely rebelled. I started wearing black, purple, blue, green nail polish. I bought black and white striped tights that I wore under cut off jeans with my Cure t-shirt that I got from some boy that was only in the school for a few weeks. I just changed completely. I kinda freaked out some people in the process. I was still making A's, so my parents just let it be. I guess it was my way of rebelling against my own inner need for love. The people that were my good friends, stayed my good friends, and the people I wasn't close to just drifted away and it was ok. In the end, despite my need for love, I am fiercely (fiercely!!) independent. I asserted my independence.

I parallel this to my decision to do this program. It's not quite the same, in that my friends now, are my friends. They are the people I love and I fit with them, but that doesn't mean that I can't assert my independence and go against the grain a bit. And, it's not to show them that I can be independent. It's to show ME. It's to regain my confidence in and love for myself, which is ultimately what both of these instances were all about in the first place. It's just a little hard to see that when starting out. It's only later that reflection allows for a deeper understanding of one's actions.

So, there you go. My journey. I'd like to close with some thank you's. First, let me thank Brett, who inspired me to actually take on the challenge of PCP. He's always been a down-to-earth, intelligent dude. I trusted his judgment, and rightly so! Thanks, Brett!!

I'd also like to thank all my various friends from all over the world that had nothing to do with PCP but were still there cheering me on. A special thanks to Kari Mac, who I believe read every single on of my damn blog posts; Michael VP Lemones, who was an extra vocal Facebook cheerleader; and Mexico Liz, the very first Gainesville friend to give me props for taking on such a hardcore project. And, seriously, all of you that I rarely see or talk to but who still commented on my spammy Facebook blog posts, you all rock! I love you!!!

I'd like to thank the entire PCP community for their support. Wow! So many amazing people from all over the world. :) Team Running Rats, y'all were amazing role models. I hope Team SEXAAAY lived up to your level of peakiness. Also, thank you to a couple KFBers who commented on my posts when I needed the most support, Shivani and Emily. I loved reading your blogs!

Patrick and Chen. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Chen, I don't know you, probably will never meet you, but because of you, I ate raw carrots and red peppers for breakfast this morning. You have NO IDEA how outside of my normal breakfast schema those items lie! Patrick, well, dude, do I really need to say it? You're \\ //! In my neck of the woods, that translates into fucking awesome. That is the highest compliment of thanks that I can give you.

And, last but not least, my team, Team SEXAAAY. Words can't describe how important you've been to me. Y'all are double dog \\ //!!! I just made that up, but I think it expresses my thoughts well. We are all so different, yet found the commonalities to support and love each other through an intense learning process. We all made it, alive and better than well. I'm so proud of us, and so proud to be a part of your team. Much love!!

Ok, with that, I sign off. It's been great, but it's time to let go and move on to other adventures. Live life, PCP lovies! You are always with me.

Day 90 - Can I celebrate yet?

2010-08-29T07:48:00.000-07:00

Ok, ok, maybe I did a little pre-post PCP celebrating last night. 2 glasses of red wine, 1 shot of Patron, 2 beers, LOTS of dancing and 4 hours of sleep later, I got up, drank my coffee and did my final workout. Well, not final for life, but final official workout. I was a little hungover, but after getting the blood flowing, I feel not great but good. I don't feel guilty about my early celebration. 'Twas a relief to let go of control for just a little while. 90 days is a long time to exert so much discipline over one's self, falling into some chaos was exactly what my soul needed. Reminds me of this concept:

Panarchy. The idea was originally used to describe ecosystems and their multiple stable states. A system utilizes its resources and builds up its potential energy and connectedness, then some event occurs that causes the system to release energy and decline in its potential. The system then undergoes a sort of reorganization and either returns to its original stable state or, depending on the intensity of the chaos event, the system may reorganize into a new, different stable state. The concept has been applied to all sorts of systems at this point, not just ecosystems. I think it aptly describes what we all just went through....we reached some point in our lives where we brought PCP in to break us down, reorganize us and put us into a new stable state. Naturally, there will be smaller cycles within the big one and one small event won't necessarily cause us to lose the new PCP state. Point is, I've (we've) spent 3 months reorganizing, exploiting our physical and mental resources to build up into a highly connected person with loads of potential energy...naturally the body and mind are calling for a little release at this point as we reintegrate back into non-training mode and apply PCP to normal, everyday life.

And, even though I allowed myself to indulge in the booze, I still kept the food portion of the diet. While everyone was chowing down on late night pizza, I ate an apple banana and a hard-boiled egg. Honestly, it was pretty good. I wasn't craving the pizza, but it was late and I wanted food. Planning ahead and bringing my snack with me was genius!

I enjoyed my last workout. The most improvement seems to be in my back, shoulders and abs. Oh, and jump rope! Wow! I gotta be honest. We've been told to take a few days off, but I really just don't see how I'm going to take the jump rope out of my morning routine. It's ingrained now. Get up, brew & drink a cup of coffee, eat a piece of raisin toast, jump. Then, go about my day. No problem taking some time from the strength training, but the jump rope? Really? I don't know.

Well, final post will come in a few days. I'm not even close to knowing what I want to write in it, so I'll take a few days of reflection and then come back with my parting thoughts and pictures. Okay, off to the springs for some more celebration (the sober, sparkling water type)!

Day 89 - I am humbled.

2010-08-28T08:58:00.001-07:00

P.S. First plank, 90 seconds. So much pain, hard to focus on clock. I did an extra plank because I felt like such a weakling through the first 4, not that it mattered. It was probably only 15 seconds long by that point.

Day 88 - Magic Gloves

2010-08-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

I love my gloves. For some reason, they focus me. I keep them on for my entire workout even if they aren't necessary. My body responds to them. Ok, gloves on, time to work. Though, to be honest, I felt like I had a weak workout today. I don't really know why, but it's like my pain tolerance was lowered. Meh, some days are better than others. Tomorrow, it's on!

Elena, as far as our planks competition goes, I spent my first plank trying to figure out which position maximized the pain for me. The one leg thing was effective, but I felt like ab pain was most horrendous with my arm base spread wide apart. We shouldn't count our competition until tomorrow. I'll spread my shoulders far apart and keep time.

Now, let's talk about my visit to the gym. At UF, I pay student fees out of my own pocket each semester. Student fees go towards various funds on campus, part of which is student recreation. Hence, I pay for a gym whether I use it or not. Of course, it's a gym at a greatly reduced fee, and they do have tons of classes and activities and very nice facilities for all kinds of sports. I can't really complain. I decided to visit the newly renovated SW Recreation Center for my gym assignment.

Over the past 6 years, I've spent a lot of time in this gym. I've taken classes, used the cardio and the weight room. I'm comfortable there. The last time I visited was in the spring, and the facilities were undergoing major renovations. This week was my first visit since the unveiling. Somehow, I was lucky (or unlucky depending on your viewpoint) enough to pick a time and day when they were doing a sort of open house sports extravaganza. I was overwhelmed to say the least. Thousands of 18-21 year olds running around the rec. center. It was a complete and total madhouse.

My first observation. They were giving out free Domino's pizza and frozen yogurt, so as people left the gym, they effectively cancelled out any work they'd done by stuffing their faces with greasy, grimy cheese pizza. I love pizza, but Domino's is just a waste of pizza to me. I've always disliked it. I wouldn't eat it free even before PCP. The frozen yogurt, ok, but I'm sure it wasn't low fat yogurt. I'm thinking handing out fruit and cups of greek/low fat yogurt would send a better message. I'm sure the students would HATE it, but they'd take it because it's FREE FOOD.

Second observation. The machines were out of control. All new. Lots of them. I tried out a treadmill, but I couldn't get the damn thing to go. It was touch screen, asked me for all these stats even though I pressed quick start. Then, it wanted me to choose various viewing options or something and the treadmill never started. I gave up. It was too distracting, like a big video game. At this point, I felt old, but not in a bad way. Just the kind of, I'd rather be out on a trail, smelling the fresh air and hopping over armadillos type old. Most of the other cardio machines were equipped with personal TVs and whatnot. Not my style.

The weight room was the same as always. Lots of young, beautiful undergrads flaunting their perfect bodies. It's a meat market in there. I've always been able to go in in my ratty workout clothes, old faded gym shorts, tie-dye shirt with holes in it, and tune all of it out. Honestly though, I never felt like I got an effective workout from the machines, mostly because I didn't know what I was doing. Just randomly using a machine with no training schedule. This was one of my many reasons for signing up for PCP. What? You'll show me effective strength training that I can do in the solitude and comfort of my own home. I'm in! I was just tired of the gym.

The one thing I may take advantage of are the classes. I still want to keep up with yoga, and though I'd prefer to take classes through the studio that I tried this summer, it's expensive. The rec center offers a variety of different style classes, and they're already paid for. I might see if I can find a class or two a week that fits me and my schedule. I'd like to free up the cash to try out some beginning ballet, just to get a base in dance. My aerial dance class is mostly just for fun, but later in the month, the main dance studio here in Gainesville starts its adult classes. I spoke with a guy this week who was super nice and enthusiastic about me coming and giving it a try. He said, "if you have no dance experience, it'll be hard work but rewarding if you stick with it." I liked him.

Well, guys, 2 more workouts and PCP is officially over. A friend of mine asked me last night, "Are you happy or sad to see it end?" My answer, "Both."

Day 86 - Super What?!

2010-08-25T08:22:00.000-07:00

Wow. I won't spoil what super sets are for those behind us, but the first and last parts of today's workouts were the ULTIMATE torture.

Okay, I'm not trying to brag here (well, maybe a little...), but abs are torturous because I just can't seem to make them give out on me. I mean, of course, they give out, but not like pull-ups and chest dips. I fail at those in a flash. But, abs lasts FOREVER. Okay, okay, I know this isn't a bad thing. I should be happy with myself, but dude, I got shit to do! So, Elena, I'm sorry, I got you on the planks. Plank #1, 3:25. After that, I stopped looking at the watch. I'm gunning for 5 minutes next time round. Not sure if that's possible but I sure will try!

I made it to the gym yesterday, and my oh my, did it make me feel old. I sorta realized that I cannot handle all the insane sensory stimulation that the generation behind me seems to crave. The visit was overwhelming to say the least! I'll write a full post on it soon.

I just wanted to check back in and let you guys know I hadn't melted into a pool of tears or something. Thanks for all the love, and also, thanks to all the Facebook people who sent love, too. To be honest, I'm amazed by the response, and as one of my friends replied on FB, telling your story is a great way to let it go and move onto other stories.

UPDATE: I just sheepishly realized that I can MODIFY the planks to make the HARDER. Duh! Still gunning for 5 minutes....

The Low Point

2010-08-23T16:43:00.000-07:00

"It may be when we no longer know what to do,

we have come to our real work,

and that when we no longer know which way to go,

we have begun our real journey."

--Wendell Berry

October 31, 2009. My lowest point thus far. When I saw pictures of me tagged on Facebook from that night, I actually thought to myself, "Something HAS to change." I haven't untagged those pictures. I let them sit right there. It's not that I was doing anything embarrassing; it's how I look. Look at me. Drunk, disheveled, blotchy, puffy, downright unhealthy. I don't remember getting into this car. I barely remember these pictures being taken, just sort of a tickle of a memory. I said and did things that were potentially damaging to friendships. Luckily for me, I have amazing, understanding friends that forgive me my transgressions.

In my defense (and this doesn't make my actions right, just a little more understandable), I found my first and favorite cat, Tessa, dead on the side of the road that morning. A complete shock. I'd left to go out of town for the night and a friend accidently let her out when he came to collect something from my house. He didn't even know. She had a tendency to wait by the road for me to come home. I kept her in the house when I was away for this reason. I'm sure that she was waiting for me to come home that night when someone driving too fast or drunk hit her. It was devastating to me. It'd been a rough day, understandably I'd look a little rough.

But, I looked too rough, and it wasn't long after this picture that I found myself one morning, on my floor, crying and crying and crying, for no particular reason. I woke up with this horrible sense of dread; I hated myself; I hated my life; I was lost, so I cried. I finally acknowledged that I was depressed, and on advice from a friend, I called the Mental Health Center here at UF and made an appointment with a therapist. Now, I have to back up and tell you the real story behind my depression. I loved my cat and losing her was hardcore painful, but that's not what sent me into a downward spiral.

In March of 2009, I got pregnant. Not necessarily on purpose, but not completely by accident either. On my 30th birthday, I went off birth control. I wanted to know my cycle without the pill. I'd been on it for 14 years, and if I got pregnant, so be it. 6 months later, bam! Pregnant. Also, not long after I found out I was pregnant, I received another rejection letter from a granting agency. The reviews indicated that my proposal was good, but not good enough. I could make changes and resubmit, but turn around time was 2 weeks, tops. It's weird, though, being pregnant gave me a new focus, a purpose. I was happy, excited, ready to turn that proposal around and make it fundable. The father and his family were also super stoked about the pregnancy. Things were really looking good.

Then, I started to spot, which isn't all that worrying. Many women spot during pregnancy. I was told to take it easy and monitor the situation. The night I started spotting, I had this dream. My paternal grandmother, who'd died a couple years prior, came to me. She was like a second mother to me. A couple weeks before this dream, my actual mother had told me that my grandma said I would never have children. I think she meant that I had other priorities in my life besides children, but that has stuck with me ever since. Anyway, to continue, I told my grandmother, "See, I WILL have children." She just sort of looked at me hollow-eyed and didn't say anything. She doesn't usually talk in the dreams I have about her. The dream ended with me on some random toilet miscarrying the baby. It was horrific. A horrible nightmare. I emailed a friend the next day freaking out. He calmed me as best he could.

Not long after the spotting, I started to have pain on my right side. An uncomfortable gassy feeling that turned into a more acute pain that would come and go and I started to bleed red blood. At this point, I flipped the fuck out. My midwives set up an appointment with their back-up doctor to get an ultrasound. In the meantime, I searched the web for information on bleeding during pregnancy and miscarriages and whatnot. I became convinced that I had a tubal pregnancy. This is really super rare, but based on my pain and what was happening with my body, I went ahead and self-diagnosed. I spent the next couple weeks praying that I was wrong.

The next three weeks were probably the worst three weeks of my life. I sat on my toilet at work watching gobs of blood exit my body. I sat on my toilet at home and watched tissue from my womb drop into the water. I was convinced that I was flushing my baby down the toilet. It's silly cause even if I was was, at this point, it was maybe the size of a bean. I went to the doctor, he told me there wasn't much left in my uterus, he didn't see a fetus and wanted me to get a DNC. We scheduled an emergency room DNC. I was put into a twilight sleep, and when I woke up, the first thing I said to the doctor was, "I think it's a tubal pregnancy." And, he said, "So do I."

Of course, I think y'all figured out that from here the torture didn't stop. You know, it's funny, up until the point I had the DNC, I kept hoping that the doctor would see something in my uterus, like he'd tell me there it is, it's your baby. After the DNC, I knew that was it. No baby, but the baby hormones didn't decrease, they increased. The doc finally identified a developing mass in my right fallopian tube. I was admitted into the hospital and administered a drug to abort the pregnancy. It kills the developmental tissue, an extremely painful process. You can feel the tissue dying in your body. The pain was so bad one day at work that I just closed the door to my office and lay on the floor for a half hour until it subsided. Ibuprofen didn't work, and besides, I wanted to be a part of this pain. I wanted to feel this death.

In the meantime, the father had dropped off the face of the earth. No explanation. He just stopped taking my phone calls. I was later to find out that he was so devastated at the loss of the pregnancy that he couldn't talk to me. He didn't know what to say or how to handle his emotions. He was nasty to his family and spent most of his time hiding in the bush. He handled the situation badly. He left me alone to deal with it. Thank God for my family and friends! They were there for me every step of the way.

After I received the shot, I went in to have blood drawn every few days until my pregnancy hormone levels dropped below a certain point. It took a few weeks, but finally, by July, the nightmare was over. Of course, by this time, I'd missed the deadline to resubmit my proposal. I'd, also, been forced to give up an exploratory research trip to Costa Rica. I'd stopped caring about my degree anyway. I'd had a purpose in life, even if briefly, and it'd been yanked out from under me. Getting my PhD no longer seemed all that important to me, and without direction or purpose, I started spiraling into my depression. Oddly, I never talked with my therapist about the pregnancy. I guess I just wasn't ready. I only saw him a few times, but it was enough. I just needed to admit to myself that I was depressed and start taking steps, even small ones, to remedy the situation.

It's only been in the last few weeks that these issues have started to resurface. At some random moment, when I'm in a great mood, the memory will come back to me and bring tears to my eyes. I don't dwell on it. I just acknowledge that it's painful and that I'm still grieving the loss. I'm not sure when I'll be completely over it. Maybe not till I actually have a healthy pregnancy. Not only was it difficult to let go of that purpose that had so magically entered my life, but I now didn't trust my own body. I'd never even considered that I wouldn't have a healthy pregnancy, and for the first experience to be so traumatizing, well, pregnancy is a scary thing for me now. It still holds a kind of wonderment and beauty, but it's been forever tainted. If I ever do get pregnant again, I will be haunted by the fear that my body could abort the pregnancy at anytime or that it could be another tubal pregnancy.

Ok, now, I'll tie this back to PCP and my reasons for taking on this challenge. This project marks an important transition period where I let go of that old self and grow into a new, more empowered and focused self. I'm still the same Jenny, but it's time for me to grow up, to start taking responsibility for my life and my actions, to make a contribution to this world. Part of that growing up is learning how to treat my body with love, kindness and respect. A healthy body produces a healthy mind which in turn can deal with life challenges in a healthy way. I was dealing with my grief and sadness by latching on to people, looking to them to validate me, drinking too much, smoking too much and basically numbing myself from the emotional pain. I was looking for something outside to make it better, when really I only needed to work on the inside. That's why PCP is much more than a physical project for me; it's allowed me to really take time and focus intensely on myself and what I want my for my life.

And, with those reflections, I leave you with something uplifting. This is especially dedicated to TEAM SEXAAAY as we enter our last week of workouts on PCP. Don't puss out now! Let's make it happen!

Day 84 - Feeling better

2010-08-23T04:05:00.000-07:00

Aw man, thanks for all the positive vibes guys. I actually got a lot of good feedback from Facebook, too. And, believe it or not, I didn't have to cook dinner for myself last night. Some friends invited me over for fish sandwiches. Yay! I cooked a little to prepare myself for today, but it was a nice break and nice to spend some time with friends. Ask and you shall receive. :)

I kinda wanted to prepare you guys for a pretty heavy post I'm planning on putting out there tonight or tomorrow. I've been waffling on whether I should write this post or not, but the issues in it have been resurfacing over the last few weeks in positive ways. Almost like the last throes of the grieving process. I want to put it out there because I want people who are thinking about doing this project to know that it isn't just about your physical body, this can be a very emotionally healing project, too. I think in some ways it connects back to the empowerment theme I wrote on way back in month 1 and also ties into my original reasoning for taking on the PCP. In general, I feel like most people forget that body and mind are connected, inseparable. Of course, it would be natural that as I clear out the spiderwebs from my body, the same will happen to my mind. This wouldn't be possible without our tight, nurturing PCP community, though. I know we've been told that diet is the biggest chunk of this project, but I disagree. I think community and connections are the core of it, or maybe we could think of them as like an umbrella sheltering the diet and exercise components. Yeah, I like that, an umbrella.

So, prepare yourselves, people! I'm going to do my best to make you cry, real tears! ;-) Man, I've really built this up, huh?

Day 83 - Another lonely day

2010-08-22T11:47:00.000-07:00

It's days like today when I really feel my loneliness most acutely. I'm still sick, it's moved down into my chest. I call it a croopy cough, not sure where that phrase came from, but I sounds like I'm dying everytime I cough. I sorta feel like I'm dying when I cough, too. This is normal cold progression for me. Sore throat, runny nose and then it moves into my chest for a couple days. All the while, I'm just tired, achy and miserable. I don't have a fever or anything. I just feel like a big pile of mush. I've continued the workouts to the best of my ability. My whole upper body is sore to the max. Thank God for tomorrow's rest day. I want to do nothing but lie on the couch, read books, watch movies, and sleep all day long. Unfortunately, I can't, and this is where the loneliness sets in and I start to feel sorry for myself.

If I don't get up and go to the store this afternoon and cook tonight, I won't have food for dinner or the rest of the week. If I don't go to work tomorrow, I don't get paid. If I don't go do the list of chores my land lord left for me, her chickens and her plants will be mucho unhappy. If I don't mow my lawn, it'll just keep growing taller and taller and annoying me more and more. If I don't sweep or vacuum, I'll pick up crap on my feet as I walk through my house. If I don't start the laundry, I won't have clean clothes to workout in the rest of the week. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! I'm tired; I'm sick; I want to rest. I miss having someone to do these things for me when I'm down for the count. It makes me sad. I want a hug and somebody to go to the fucking grocery store for me, damnit.

~sigh~ I was going to go to the gym today. Sorta fake workout and observe, but I just can't bring myself to face a bunch of annoying new freshman undergrads in this mood. Yeah, I'm probably in better shape than most of them at this point, but I might punch the first one to say something stupid. It's better for their health that I stay away for today.

Day 82 - CHICKENS

2010-08-21T17:58:00.000-07:00

Aren't they adorable? I'm chicken-sitting for my land lords for the next 10 days. These beautiful hens will give me these:

It doesn't get much more local than this. Yay for free local eggs, because dude, local eggs are $4.50 a dozen right now. I can't afford them anymore. They've finally priced them out of my range.

In other news, finally, finally, finally, a real, honest-to-God pull-up. I did it! After 3 months, 1 freakin' pull-up. It was kind of anti-climatic. I did it and was, like, OK, well, now what? 2. Next goal, 2 pull-ups. Onwards.

Planks conquered me this morning. After last week's triumph, they took their revenge. Evil bastards. My music of choice this morning was Garbage, Version 2.0. Even that couldn't get me through, PUSH IT! Nice try, Shirley Manson.

I signed up for an Aerial Dance class this morning. "Learn beginning Cirque Du Soliel dance moves working on a trapeze and chiffon. Come prepared to have fun and a good workout." Ok, I'm in! This from the woman afraid of heights. :) Bah, whatever, it's only 4 classes. Just an introduction, but sounds fun and challenging. First class, Sept. 1.

Hope all's well out there with all the other PCP peeps. It's almost bedtime for me. I'm at 80% today. Tomorrow promises to be good. x's and o's to all!

Day 81 - Is exercise work? (Take 2)

2010-08-20T18:27:00.001-07:00

YES! We all know this to be a fact after 3 months (or 51 days, or 20 days) of hard work. We're all seeing amazing results and feeling the payoff from our hard work. Is it worth the hard work? Well, I had this epiphany last weekend at the Tampa Bay Rays baseball game. I was sitting in the very last row, DD (opposite of my bra cup size). It was a good hike up stadium stairs to get to my seat. For me, it was easy. I bounced up the stairs without breaking a sweat. I mean, really, after pistol squats, floor jumps and the CREEP, what's a few stadium stairs? PUH-LEASE!

While sitting there, I started paying attention to the people around me. There was this woman, overweight, older. I watched her struggle to get up the stairs. Breathing heavy, as she got higher, she would stop at every step to catch her breath and work herself up for the next one. I really felt for her. I mean, she was working so HARD just to get to her seat at a baseball game. I observed her at least a couple times. She probably had to pee after drinking the bottomless 32 oz. soda in a souvenir cup. $8 for all you can drink soda till the end of the game. And, if you're sneaky, like my friends, you hide it in the bottom of your bag and drink bottomless soda for multiple games. 32 oz. of soda is a lot the first time 'round. Now, maybe if it were 32 oz. of bottomless beer....

Getting to the point. My epiphany was, we have a choice to either a) work hard at keeping an exercise regime and controlling our eating to maintain a good condition so that routine and fun activities are easy or b) sit on our butts, eat and drink whatever we want but sacrifice our health thereby making our routine and fun activities WORK. I know that there are various shades of grey in between these two options, but the older we get, the harder it is to choose option B and actually do the everyday things with ease. I don't know about you, but I want to be able to bound up those stadium stairs for a long time to come. Huffing and puffing up them looked like WAY too much work for me.

A sicky-poo update. I'm feeling at about 60-70% today. I did a 4/5 workout this morning. I actually feel good while I'm working out. It's after that I get tired and rundown. I came home early and slept another couple hours this afternoon. I plan on spending the weekend sleeping, sleeping and sleeping some more. No socializing this weekend. This will also make my bank account happy. Really, I think the key to keeping up the workouts while I recover from the cold is sleep. I hope tomorrow I'll be up to at least 80%.

On pull-ups. I'm so close. I'm there, really. It's just the last bit of the motion that I'm struggling to complete, getting my chin over the top of the bar. I've got my chin to a height that is above the bar. I've decided to drop the incline pull-ups completely and use a chair to help me do assisted pull-ups. I can use my legs to take some of the weight off the back and get in the full motion. I still reach failure using this method, and my back muscles, especially the ones to either side of the neck, were extra sore today. I WILL do one unassisted pull-up by Day 90.

Last but not least, if you just can't get enough of 8 minute abs guy, try 8 minute buns. BUNS!!! So 80s! I mean, his enthusiasm gets me every time. "Guaranteed to burn the buns!" "These are FUN!" "Squeeze tight and concentrate!" "What do you want the buttocks to look like?" "Your jeans are gonna look better in no time!" So much goodness! Are you sold? Did I just ruin it for you? I doubt it, it's just not the same without his spunkiness. :)

Day 81 - I HATE SAFARI!

2010-08-20T15:20:00.000-07:00

I just spent a half hour on an AWESOME post. It was good people, good. Apparently, Safari hates me and saved none of it. Not even the title. All it saved was Day 81 -

That's it. Oh god, I'm pissed. I will walk away from my computer, take many deep breaths....and reboot (myself not my computer). I'm using Firefox now. I was using Safari because Firefox doesn't want to allow me to comment on your pages. I can't explain it. My computer doesn't want me to blog.

And, get this, it's only google sites that Safari intermittently doesn't want to work for...why? WHY???

I promise to rewrite my amazing Day 81 post and get it back out. ~sigh~

Day 80 - Holy Green Goo!

2010-08-19T15:29:00.000-07:00

Gooey snot is starting to ooze from my head. Oh yay! I ended up leaving work early again today, just felt horrendous and body was calling for a nap. I was a little resentful of the heat this afternoon. Usually, I'm ok with it, but today I wanted some A/C to cool it down to a reasonable 82 for sleeping purposes. I dozed and sweated and dozed and sweated some more. Until I finally said, screw it and got up to eat my yogurt and egg and play with the blog. Honestly, I don't have much to say, but at Deborah's suggestion and Elena's inspiration, I took a fridge picture. Behold, the fridge of chaotic order!

I cut up a honey dew last night, YUMMY! I remember this type of yellow melon in Morocco (where I did my first Peace Corps service) with a taste somewhere in between honeydew and cantaloupe. I love, loved that melon...I've never eaten it anywhere else. I wish I could find it here. Also, have some water buffalo T-bones marinating in there. There's a professor here that raises water buffalo. I was disappointed to find out that Wortershire sauce has high fructose corn syrup in it. :( SAD. So, I marinated them with some non-salt steak season, low-sodium soy and a little honey. Cookin' em up tonight. Also, I bought that gallon of milk on Sunday. Holy crap, I'm going through some MILK! I roasted a chicken last night and made chicken tacos with the meat. Oh god, so freakin' good! Had 3 for lunch today...it was a lot of food. I'm eating ALOT of food right now. WHERE DOES IT GO??? I'll probably have to clean out that door at some point. Get rid of all the stuff with evil ingredients.

PS It just rained hard enough here for it to puddle at my front door. The sun was out the entire time, and there was blue sky in all directions. Only in Florida does rain fall on one man's house, or in this case, woman's house.

UPDATE: New pics posted.

Day 79B - Belize, Part Deux

2010-08-18T15:54:00.000-07:00

Finally, more Belize. I guess I've really only written about the road trip.

It's the rainy season in Belize, and the Crooked Tree Lagoon was full. I wouldn't call it flood stage, but one good tropical storm could send it there. How about a little history on Crooked Tree to start? The community is on a little island that's surrounded by a network of lagoons. Rain water from all over the Northern part of the country drains into this lagoon during the rainy season. During the dry season, it's a haven for water birds of all sorts. One can also find the endangered Jabiru stork hanging around in various sections of the lagoon, where depends on the season. The village is smack dab in the middle of Crooked Tree Wildlife Sanctuary, established in 1984 and managed by Belize Audubon Society. The village was actually there WAY before the sanctuary.

The village population is Creole, a mix of Scottish/English scallywags (at least that's my guess) and runaway/freed slaves. They've been fishing/farming the land for a good 100-200 years. You can imagine they were a bit miffed when all the sudden an outside organization came in and deemed their land a wildlife sanctuary. I expect they thought something like, WTF? Still, the coming of the sanctuary brought some benefits. A causeway was built that linked the village to the Northern Highway and allowed for modernization to occur at a rapid pace. Before the causeway, the villagers either had to take a canoe across the lagoon and then hike or ride a horse to catch a bus on the highway or ride a boat all the way to Belize City. And, that was in the 80s! No running water, no electricity, no phones. Now the village is like any other little developing village. Nice houses, most with running water, most with electricity, children running around with cell phones nicer than mine! It's a little mind-boggling to me. The causeway also brought tourism dollars into the community. It was a slow process, but tourism allowed for the development of local lodges and restaurants. All in all it's an adorable little community. Lots of gossip but lots of love, too. :)

This is where I found myself in the summer of 2004. Driving in, first time in Belize, dropped at a family's house and left to figure out how to make connections and contacts in the community. Somehow, in 3 months, I managed to gather enough interviews to write a thesis and make lifelong friends/family. I love this village, this country and this culture.

One of my favorite pictures from my research days. This family here is wringing the cashew nut from the cashew fruit. Cashews are a central part of the agricultural economy of Crooked Tree. Almost everyone has cashew trees in their yards, and every year in May, the village hosts a cashew festival. Cashews are great, but they are a pain in the arse to process.

Cashew fruit on tree. The fruit itself has a tangy, sweet, metallic flavor. Refreshing but strange.

To process the fruit, it's picked from the tree or gathered off the ground. The fruit is wrung from the nut. The nut is roasted over a hot, open flame. The shell is cracked open to get the the good meaty stuff on the inside. The shell itself contains a poison that burns and cracks the skin. Old timers just crack the nut with their bare, calloused hands. Younger folks wear gloves. White folks don't come near the nuts during this process; we're too fragile. :) After removal from the shell, the cashews are placed in a cast iron pot and baked from the top. This means a piece of metal is placed over the pot and coconut husks are burned over the top for heat. Many villagers cut corners and bake in the oven, but the best cashews are baked the traditional way, in my opinion. The last part of the process is removing a little skin on the outside of the cashew. Even this part kills the skin on the fingertips. My skin turns brown, and I peel the next day.

Taken in 2004, while I was helping to "pick seed." Look at all those cashews!!

Hand-processed cashews are like gold. You can't buy anything in the store that tastes like these cashews. They are non-oily, non-salty and sweet, so deliciously sweet. Hint: I may have brought some back as souvenirs. ;-)

Now, onwards to 2010. Wow, it's been 6 years? Also, mind-boggling. The lagoon was high, so this was my limo to the the front door of my cabin complete with my favorite bushy limo-driver.

Here's the cute little cabin I stayed in...it's actually Bruce's sister's house. She lives in Venice, Italy with her husband and visits once every year or two. This is an old picture, the house was added onto in 2007, but I forgot to take a recent pic.

The addition room where I did my workouts and hung a hammock to read in during the breezy afternoons.

My view during the workout. Water brings me peace.

My front drive. I LOVE that I was flooded in and completely isolated.

The little starving kitty that adopted me. Broke my heart to leave this little guy behind. I named him Tripod, because his third leg was a little stump.

I spent the majority of my time in this little cabin, but I did canoe over to the main village and visit with the family. I did my share of pickin' seed. I ate midday dinner with the family. Lots of fresh venison. YUM! I really didn't do much else. I live on island time when I'm in Belize. I learn to live a little more in the NOW while I'm there, because everyone else certainly does. The likelihood of someone showing up when they say they will is about 50%. The other 50% of the time, well, they get busy doing other things. And, when you get upset with them for not showing, Belizeans just look at you like you're crazy. They are saying, "What are you stressing yourself for? It's no big deal. I went fishing instead. Next time." :) I've loosened my Western mentality of early or on time...it's still in me, but I get less stressed about lateness in general now.

Wow, this post has gotten long. I was going to chat a bit about the Belize City market, maybe in another post. I think I'll wrap this up. Update on sickness. I came home, ate lunch, fell asleep for 3 hours on my sofa. Quite a feat in my hot, sweaty house. My body is very happy with me right now. Still feeling under the weather but refreshed from the nap. I think tomorrow may be another half workout. Hopefully, by the next leg day (UGH!), I'll be back to normal. Night, lovies!!!

Day 79 - Halfsies

2010-08-18T05:43:00.001-07:00

I woke up this morning with a wicked sore throat. Wait, let me back up. I came home yesterday with plans to mow the lawn, sat down on my couch with my yogurt, got really sleepy....so, I laid down on the couch and crashed for a half hour. I mean, I was really, really exhausted. When I roused myself to go eat tacos and swim with some friends (PCP friendly), I had the hint of a scratch in the back of my throat. I thought, shit, I'm getting sick. This morning, it's confirmed. I'm sick. Not a knock me out of commission type sick, but an annoying, painful throat, fatiguey type sick. ~sigh~ Seriously, right here at the last push my body is going to revolt on me?? So, I decided to make today a half day. Half everything (well, not half food), but half work day and half workout. Let me just say, that even a half a workout at this stage is no walk in the park. I'm trying to figure out how in the hell I did those 5 planks on Saturday morning. I did 3 today and was right tired. Then again, if I'm sick, my body isn't as able to hold up to the demands as easily.

Anyway, still have that Belize post coming...I'll get it out this afternoon. I'll come home and sit on my couch and do nothing physical, except cook. :) No reason why I can't blog while I'm vegged out on the sofa.

Day 77 - It's the return!

2010-08-16T16:48:00.000-07:00

Of mah appetite! Thank the Gods! I was really starting to worry about myself. How could I not be hungry yet be working my little bootie so hard? Maybe my indulgence kicked it back in? At any rate, glad to have it back, especially with my increased food portions. To be honest, the diet is a lot of food for me. I'm not used to stuffing so much food in my mouth, but I guess when it's not super fatty, sugary, salty foods, I can eat more of it. Hey, whatever works!

I've found that spreading my carbs and veg out a little bit over the day reduces the gas and makes it much easier to get it all down. I caught the vegetable recommendation from Kowhai's bloat post. So, for instance, today, I ate whole wheat linguini topped with a ground turkey, mushroomy, peppery tomato sauce. Then, brought raw veggies (cucumbers, carrots and radishes) to nom on thru the rest of the afternoon. I saved some of my carbs to eat with my afternoon tea, yogurt and a slice of raisin bread. Let's not forget the egg white, oh YUM! :)

Not much else to report. A sneak preview of tomorrow's post: Finishing up my Belize stories with some pictures of my little house and workout area. Also, some thoughts on the Belize City farmer's market.

Your Brain on Computers

2010-08-16T03:08:00.000-07:00

Interesting stuff. This is a whole NYT series but here's the most recent article. I find this stuff fascinating and am especially interested in how all this technology affects development in children. I can't believe how many parents just allow their kids unregulated access to TV, cell phones, computers, etc. Anyway, another facet of health to consider....

As a side note, it's a dream of mine to canoe Glen Canyon. I've driven through, it's a breath-takingly beautiful place. Southern Utah is full of unique rock structures. I need to spend some extended time there.

Day 76 - Tapas Pig-Out

2010-08-15T15:12:00.000-07:00

Before I get to my final indulgence (which was indulgently extra indulgent), let's give some updates on working out and general energy levels. I ran this morning instead of jumping. I haven't run since the Peachtree, so thought it was about time to get out there and enjoy my favorite trail. I did the 4 mile loop in 35:15, so that's under 9-minute miles. Huge improvements. I've never consistently run anything under 9 1/2 minute miles. That said, the humidity was atrocious this morning. So bad that another runner actually commented to me, "I don't know about you, but that run humbled me." I was feeling the same way. Rivulets of sweat streaming down my body, I said, "No shit! It's friggin' humid!" Ah, the eloquence. Anyway, the run zapped me. I took me till 5 PM to feel ready to do the strength work. I got my chin even with the bar during pull-ups today. Not quite a full pull-up, but centimeters away.

My energy levels have definitely dropped in the last 24 hours. I'm sure you've all noticed my recent exuberant posts. :) Maybe it was PCP-style PMS (endorphin induced delirious happiness instead of bloat and depression?), because my period is starting today. I felt the first slight pangs of it this morning before my run and suspect this combined with my humid run are the reasons for my dramatically decreased energy levels. Napped today, read today, fought to motivate myself to do much of anything today. :) Ah, it's Sunday and rainy. I'll be easy on myself.

My last indulgence was a wonderful experience. I went to a tapas restaurant in St. Pete with my friends, Chuck and Leslie. The same couple who ran the Peachtree with me. I ate so much that I thought I was going to explode, literally. It felt like all that food was trying to escape out my abs! I had some serious muscle cramping. Not stomach cramps, people. My ab muscles were cramping. I've never felt anything like it. Below you'll find a picture diary of my dining experience, remember all dishes were shared among three people. I didn't eat all this food. :)

Olives and marinated mushrooms. Salty goodness.

Beef tenderloin topped with an absurd amount of blue cheese. My favorite dish. I ate the majority of that blue cheese. Every bite was fantastic.

Scallops topped with an 'M' cheese (can't remember) in a beschamel sauce. My second favorite dish. So YUM!

In that cocktail dish is some sushi grade tuna in a salty lemony marinade. And, then some fried chicken, ham, cheese goodness in the background.

Me stuffing my mouth with a veal, chorizo, pork meatball and my second glass of sangria. I don't usually eat veal (eating baby cows that never dance in the world makes me feel guilty) but I wanted the chorizo in the meatball. I didn't figure they could just take the veal out.

Last but FAR from least. Tres leches. I went to the bathroom and came back to find this monstrosity parked in front of me. I'm not gonna lie; it was fantastic. I could only get 4 bites down, though. So rich! I did make sure to finish off all fruit on the plate.

Indulgence #3. I think I indulged right nicely, but I couldn't function afterwards. All I could do was lay down on my mattress and moan. I drank 3 sangrias, but luckily, I woke up the next day with no aftereffects. I got up. I did some extra jumping even. Pushed out those 5 90-second planks...even added an extra 10 seconds onto the last one. I think the music I was listening to did the trick. And, it was all good.

Day 75 - Boo yah!

2010-08-14T09:18:00.001-07:00

90 sec planks mastered! Bam! Is that all you got??? Bring it, Day 76! Ha!

I'm watching Ninja Warrior right now. I don't have cable, never seen this show! OMG, these people are AMAZING!!! I want to be a Ninja Warrior! :) Patrick, why are you not on this show?

Day 74 - Double jumps

2010-08-13T04:09:00.000-07:00

Finally, finally, I have successfully done a double jump and continued my jumping. Well, really, finally I've done a double jump. I have been trying and trying and never been able to get my rope around in time. I suspect shortening my rope was the key to my success. Thanks, Patrick. Though, I know my coordination and confidence with the rope are much improved, too. I did 6 double jumps in a continuous set today. Life is good.

I've been super sore this week. My legs were noticeably weaker today than they were on Tuesday, and they were still a bit sore. I think this week is my sorest PCP week so far. That's good, though. Means I've been really pushing myself. Also, my abs are tight. TIGHT. I feel it when I'm standing, walking around and just in general all the time. It's a strange, strange feeling. I can't even force myself to slump nowadays, and I'm all jittery when I sit too long. I have to get up and move around my office at least every half hour or 45 minutes. My legs get tight and uncomfortable if I don't.

And, also, I just want to report how wonderful my day was yesterday. Nothing special happened other than I just sort went through my day with a calm, clear mind. I actually had this beautiful, random tingly sensation of pure joy when I was driving to my landlord's house to pay my rent. That was kinda special. :) Part of my rent requirement is that I drive over there and spend a short time visiting with them. It's a nice relationship. They are an elderly, retired couple. Fascinating folks. Built a sailboat and sailed to the Bahamas every summer when they were my age. Amazing. Anyway, point is, my day was packed full, but I went through it with a kind of acceptance of everything. No stress when I was late. No annoyance when my boss pushed me to meet a deadline, which I met. Just calm. I wish everyday were like yesterday. Maybe I'm getting a little closer to the balance I'm striving for? I don't expect everyday to be like that in the future, but I plan on working to make more days like it. Because in the end, these things don't just magically become a part of our life. We become calm and balanced through practice, lots of practice.

Day 72 - Blasted

2010-08-11T19:02:00.000-07:00

That's what I am after these last two workouts. They kicked my rear! My legs are sore today, and I expect my poor arms will be sore tomorrow. Aye yai yai!! OUCH! I never fail at planks, but holy god, 90 seconds is a loooong time. My body just starts to droop in the middle as I'm shaking like there's an earthquake in my tummy...I yank it back, it droops, yank, droop, yank, CRASH! Fail. Cry/laugh with face in floor. Gingerly roll to back and stare at ceiling, frozen, for at least 5 minutes. Wow. I guess I can just expect every one of these last workouts to be intense and full of failure. I really don't think there's anything I didn't fail at tonight...wait, wait, legups, NO FAIL!!! Woohoo!

Also, I want to voice a concern that I haven't been all that hungry lately. It's weird. I feel like with all this work I should be starving or something. But, I only eat on my schedule b/c, well, it's in the schedule. But, if I ate on hunger, I wouldn't eat nearly as regular. So, I haven't been eating all my carbs at lunch, maybe 100 instead of 150. I've made myself eat ALL protein, even when I can't stand the thought of another friggin' egg white. Why? Why am I not hungry? Please enlighten me, oh wise one (that's you Patrick, in case you didn't get it). The last thing I want to do is to burn this hard-earned muscle.

Day 71 - The Road

2010-08-10T18:07:00.000-07:00

First off, I'm feeling 90% better today. My stomach is still a bit sensitive, but all other symptoms have disappeared. I got a wonderful night of sleep. Also, new pics posted. Check them out. I'm super impressed with my shoulders.

So today I want to talk about the road from Gainesville, Florida to the Belize border. 2500 miles in 3.5 days. Intense, people. Instead of going through the trip step by step, which I think would be immensely boring, I'm going to touch on some highlights that are PCP related.

One, sitting in a car for 12-16 hours straight is pure torture after being so active for the past 2 months. At the end of Day One, my lower back was in some serious pain. It was so bad I thought I might have trouble sleeping. The pain was partially from sitting ALL DAY, and I think partially from holding in my stinky egg farts. I mean, really, I didn't want to subject Pio to that kind of evil stench. The pain really never subsided; it was always there in the background and most acute after 3 hours of driving. As a passenger, I was able to move around a bit, readjust, take some pressure off, but as the driver, I was stuck in one position until we stopped. It sucked.

Two, there were times during the trip where my snacks and lunches were a bit delayed. This was bad news for my emotional state. Actually, it was a fascinating phenomenon. Pio could tell when I was getting hungry, because my mood swung from chipper, happy Jenny to mean, unfocused, grouchy Jenny. I found it considerably harder to control my temper when it was food time and food was not immediately forthcoming. It wasn't a gradual thing either, it was like a switch flipped. Body says, "FEED ME!!!"

Three, my newfound leg strength made squatting over dirty toilets for long pees so much easier!! I mean, I didn't get tired at all. I actually found myself prolonging my pees just to see how long I could hover over the toilet seat. Awesome new skill.

Four, Mexico has these great new convenience stores scattered all along the road now. OXXOs. OMG!! They were my savior. Ice! They had ice! My milk and yogurt lasted all the way till my last day in Belize because of this godsend. Even more exciting, they were open at 4 AM as we were getting on the road with freshly brewed coffee. Oh OXXO, how I love thee! I've considered writing a letter to the Mexican government and asking that they encourage more of these oases.

Five, I inspired my friend, Pio. As he watched me workout, he remembered his days of martial arts training in Colorado and was determined to get back into decent shape. He was most impressed that I'd done this of my own accord, without any workout buddies. I explained that I had you guys, my TEAM SEXAAAY, and that was the support network that made it possible. In many ways, that is the genius of this project. The accountability. Anyway, here's some pics he took of me working out in Aldama, Mexico. I remember distinctly during this workout the 5 60-second planks. I'm not sure how I completed the last one, but after it was over, I fell to the ground and laughed and cried all at once. I couldn't help it. I was completely overcome with emotion; it was an involuntary reaction.

And, following along this theme, I brought my halfway present, Shambhala, to read in the car. During the hardest part of the road, where we crept along at 35-40 mph because the two lane highway is so bad and there are so many tractor trailers, I pulled it out and began reading it out loud to calm Pio.

An example of the double tractor trailer, pass it or crawl.

What a perfect book for the occasion! It kept me from focusing on the road and feeling stressed by my lack of control over the car, and Pio claims it helped him focus. He also claims that it inspired him to get into public service in Belize. We shall see. :) I gave him the copy before we parted ways. Also, left a copy with Bruce. Bought a new one on Sunday.

Well, y'all, I think that's enough of the road. It's always a great bonding experience, but I was glad when we reached the border. My body was done with being in its boxy, Corolla prison.

Day 70 - Food poisoning?

2010-08-09T17:10:00.001-07:00

I woke up this morning with horrible stomach cramps, followed by even worse diarrhea. Sorry, it's true. As the day wore on, I got feverish with muscle cramps and a headache. I forced food down because I wasn't hungry but felt I needed to be eating. I also forced myself through jumps this morning, which weren't too bad but difficult with the cramping. I'm feeling much better now, cramping pretty much gone, but very, very tired. This will be a short post and then off to bed to sleep and recover.

I'm speculating it was a raw egg. That makes me sad because the culprit would be my local eggs. Not sure. I've continued with my raw eggs and am getting better. I know at this point most people would be like forget it, boil them, but maybe it wasn't the eggs. Maybe it's something else? Meh, who knows? Here's hoping I feel 100% better tomorrow!

As an afterthought, I found myself craving a piece of dark chocolate or a bag of skittles or a coke, something sweet & indulgent. I mean, wtf? Why would I want those thing when my stomach is a disaster. Maybe a comfort thing?

UPDATE: I wonder if it was the drinkable yogurt that was in my fridge the entire time I was out of town. It didn't taste too bad, but it was a couple weeks old. Hmmmm....getting rid of it and visiting the store tomorrow.

Day 69 - Quiet day of reflection & my confessions

2010-08-08T18:51:00.000-07:00

Literally. That's what I did today. If my fridge wasn't almost completely empty, I wouldn't have left the house. My fridge is now packed full of good stuff! I spent the rest of the day slowly unpacking, doing laundry and other random housework and reflecting on my week away in silence. No music, no nothing. It was good.

I'm having difficulty figuring out where to begin with my adventures. I think I'll start with the confessions, just to get them out of the way. All in all, I did a great job with sticking to the diet, but there were definitely some slip-ups, planned mini-indulgences and unintentional consequences of being on the road. I ate way too much salt. This was the biggest unintentional diet faux pas. Seriously, there is no such thing as eating out or eating at someone else's abode without too much salt. Literally impossible. Sometimes it was overwhelming, the food wasn't bad, just not as good as it would be with less salt.

I had 2 1/2 beers. The first was on the road, at the end of Day 2 driving. Crossing the border was a nightmare (took us 3 hours b/c of a slow-ass, lazy fee processing dude, ARGH!!, should've taken 1 hour or less). Also, within 15 minutes of being across the border, we were pulled over by the policia for a "random check". Psh-shaw! Random my ass! I expect they wanted money. My friend stood strong through his frisking, and I played the clueless American tourist act. They let us go without too much of a fight. It was an amazingly stressful day. Please see Exhibit A below, me enjoying said beer in a restaurant in Aldama, Mexico.

The other beer and 1/2 were Dragon Stouts with my man friend on the last night in Belize. I can only find Dragons (Jamaican beer) in Belize. I swear it is formulated to react as the perfect aphrodisiac with a couple puffs of the MJ. TMI? Ah well, tough shit. I like unadulterated honesty. Since we're on this subject let me just briefly say that sex in near peak condition is AMAZING. Strength, stamina and flexibility. I need say no more.

Let's see, other confessions. OH, I had one powder bun fresh out of the oven. These are like the Belizean version of snickerdoodles, but a little more doughy. I was visiting some Belize family and was offered one. As far as I'm concerned, I was required to eat it, period. When in a foreign country where the majority of people bust their asses for what little they have, one does not turn down offered food. Especially when it's a special treat. Eating 4 or 5, bad. Eating 1, acceptable.

I had some unlawful dinner carbs on 3 occasions. A few fresh tortilla chips, a Johnny cake and a flour tortilla. I was weak on these occasions. I didn't have to eat them. No one would have been offended. I just wanted them, home-made and so tasty. I regret them only a little, but forgave myself quickly and moved on.

And, my last confession. I skipped Day 64 workout. It was the last driving day. We woke up at 4AM, on the road by 4:45 AM, arrived at the Mexico/Belize border around noon, left the border around 4 PM and arrived in Crooked Tree around 5:30 PM. I spent the rest of the evening with my special friend (he has a name, it's Bruce), relaxing, unwinding from the road and falling asleep blissfully early. My body needed the rest. Being on the road is stressful and hard on the body. As much as I hate that I missed a workout, I know that at the time, it was the right thing to do.

And, that's that for this post. I'll move onto other aspects of my week away in subsequent posts, but I don't want to throw it all at y'all at once. And, I'm making a commitment to limiting my blogging/computer time. My day with the MacBook is through for now.

It IS good to be back and in touch with everyone again. I missed my team, a lot, and as much as part of me wishes I were still in my cabin by the waterside, it is wonderful to be home.

Day ? - I'm back!

2010-08-08T05:28:00.000-07:00

I'm back from my time warp and trying to settle back into my normal routine. Lots of housework and whatnot to take care of today. I'll give a more detailed report of my PCP road trip experience over the next few days. To whet your appetite, I present a short clip of me jumping in the hallway of a Mexican hotel. This is the end of Day 3 of driving. The hotel is just outside of Villahermosa, Mexico. This series of criss-crosses caused some curious Mexicanos to stick their heads out of their doors and look at me as if I were insane. :)

Leaving Belize is always bitter-sweet for me, but it's good to be back home. Must go catch-up now!

Day 61 - SO CLOSE

2010-07-31T02:45:00.000-07:00

I ALMOST did a full pull-up this morning. I didn't get my chin up and over the bar but my nose was right at the bar!! When I do my first one, I'm going to dance around my yard, punching the air like Rocky and scream GO TEAM SEXAAAY at the top of my lungs.

One final music suggestion, Pendulum - Immersion. In particular, The Island, Parts I & II. Heavy electronica, pumped me right up.

Day 60B - Ready for the road!

2010-07-30T15:54:00.000-07:00

Ah, what a nice, leisurely day of getting ready to leave tomorrow. I still need to pack clothes, but everything is basically ready to go. Here's the food I'm taking on this journey starting with the protein! On the left, baked chicken cutlet in a balsamic marinade to go on sandwiches, grilled shrimp basted with olive oil, garlic, sherry and white pepper. Weighed and individually packaged.

Eggs.

Milk and yogurt.

Some carbs (oatmeal pre-weighed for 3 days).

Fruit.

Veggies! Washed, chopped, some steamed or baked already.

Some beverages. That coffee actually just came to me from Colombia and now I'm taking it back to Belize. Most well-traveled coffee ever!

A couple of indulgences. I got both of these at the beginning of PCP. I've used that much in 2 months.

Oh, and one last thing.

Ha! That's Hershey! See, he does what Naoko's dog does...belly up, baby! It's hot. :)

And, I promised to give you guys a taste of what I'm listening to during workouts, to complement Tara's post.

Akon - I just love Akon, specifically Right Now & Beautiful at the moment, but love deep cuts from his albums, too. I know, weird, right.

Bloc Party, MGMT, Phoenix, all of the same genre. I just listen to whole albums.

Daft Punk - One More Time, Around the World

Feist - I Feel It All, Sea Lion Woman

Flo Rida - Low!

Florence & the Machine - this whole album is amazing, but Kiss With a Fist is a great workout song, also like Dog Days Are Over and Cosmic Love

Ghostland Observatory - Rich Man, Silver City, Vibrate, Sad Sad City, Paparazzi Lightning (from Austin, TX)

Girl Talk - Feed the Animals (whole album)

Goldfish - The Real Deal, Sold My Soul, (South African DJs)

Gwen Stefani - whatever, just love her, but Rich Girl is a good workout song

Ke$ha - Tik Tok (I just can't help myself)

Kid Cudi - Soundtrack to My Life, Day & Night, Pursuit of Happiness

Nas and Damian Marley - As We Enter, Patience (kind of a slow song but a remake of the absolutely mesmerizing song Sabali by Amadou & Miriam, has a nice beat, the original song always makes my heart soar)

Ratatat - many albums

Josh Ritter - The Curse, okay, not a workout song at all but it's an impressive song. If you don't cry when you hear this song and really listen to it, you have no soul. It's beautiful, emotional and amazing (to me, anyway).

Okay, I really think I'm signing out for real this time. Leaving the laptop behind!! Taking many books. Day 60! What a great day to take the PCP on the road. Peace!

Day 60 - Rain Delay

2010-07-30T04:39:00.000-07:00

Or, packing delay, actually. My friend ran out of time to pack his Gainesville life into a Toyota Corolla and asked for an extra day. I gladly gave it to him because at 11 PM last night I was still trying to finalize grading and finish cooking and pack. I was basically looking at a night with little to no sleep, and we all know that is really, really unhealthy. My friend's call was like a blessing from the heavens. Even though it shorts me a day in Belize, it'll be so nice to have an entire day where everyone in Gainesville thinks I'm gone. My boss, my friends, no one will call! I can do WHATEVER I want....what will I do? Leisurely finish getting ready, read a book, yoga, deep clean some spaces in my house, lay in my hammock and watch the birds, get a haircut, oh god, so much open time. Blissful.

What a difference from yesterday morning. I almost had a complete mental breakdown. You know when you look at what has to get accomplished in that day and think, holy crap, this is impossible. I was just looking at everything at once and it caused a complete freeze in my mental ability. I called a friend and said, "Give me a pep talk!" Then, I just started crying and blubbering about not enough time, overcommitted and wishing there were someone around to help. He gave me a pep talk; we hung up; I felt immensely more focused and relieved. Sometimes I just need someone to listen and the world seems a little brighter. Of course, I realize that all the stuff I was crying about is my own damn fault. I've created this world of overcommitments for myself. I can uncreate it. It's all a matter of priorities. So, this free day came at a good time for reflecting on the things in my life that are most important and if there's anything I can cut that would make it a little more free. Once the PCP is over and I can be a little more forgiving of my food choices, some time will be freed up.

In other news, I think I've finally come to terms with my skinny issues. After I took my updated pics in my new bikini yesterday, I looked hard at myself. Am I really too skinny? Most of my insecurities stem from knowing that some of my friends definitely think I'm too skinny and some might even be a little worried about it. I spoke with a different friend about this issue last night. He gave me this perspective. My friends have known me for years and years as the person I was in the picture from Day One. My weight has fluctuated a bit, but for the most part, they are comfortable with the Day One me. They have watched me go from that to Day 59, and it's been a significant physical and even mental change. Understandably, there'd be a bit of uncomfortableness in the process. In some ways, it's like they're looking at a whole new person and that can be scary. How is it going to affect our relationship, our future? Who will I be when this project is over? Will it be someone that is compatible with them in the same way I was compatible at Day One? My answer to that is yes. I'm not in the business of losing friends. I never have been...once loved by Jenny, always loved by Jenny. No amount of wrong can end the love I feel for someone. Unless someone breaks my trust with malicious intentions, they are my friend forever. People break trust all the time, but rarely aiming to hurt on purpose. Anyway, I like the perspective my friend brought to the issue. :) That's why I keep him around, he's good at helping me see things from angles that I may not have considered thoroughly enough.

Also, to ease my mind, I started looking up pictures of skinny people. I now feel 100% better and 100% sexy. Please refer to picture below, I'm entitling in Jenny vs. Skinny:

The woman on the left, healthy. The woman on the right, unhealthy. I asked my friend last night his thoughts on my new body. His thoughts were, yes, he thinks I look small and it's taking his mind time to adjust to it. However, he thinks I look healthy, very healthy and that's a good thing. I love my friends. What would I do without them? Friends are so good at helping to evaluate things when my mind just seems to freeze up and focus on negatives. I'm an independent person but having a strong social network makes a world of difference in mental health. This is why I am also thankful for this community of PCP people. Without y'all, this project would be extremely difficult and perhaps impossible for me. I have a newfound respect for Patrick and making the decision to do something like this without a pre-made social support system. I realize he had some support through the process, but not like we've had here, where we're required to read and comment on each other's blogs.

A couple of my random thoughts to round out the post. I did a half pull-up yesterday!!!!! It surprised me when it happened. I held it halfway for a good ten seconds. I did one more try and didn't make it nearly as far, so switched to incline pull-ups. I love all these visible progress markers. I really do think I'll do one pull-up before the project is over! Exciting! Last random thought, I saw Damian Marley in the Publix grocery store a couple days ago. Ok, ok, it wasn't him but his shorter-dreaded doppleganger. As I walked into the store, we locked eyes, really locked eyes. Made my blood race a little faster. It was a nice moment we shared...perhaps if I'm lucky, I'll run into him again.

If I have time tonight, I'll squeeze in one last post with food pics for the trip. Now, to start my free day of fun!

PS My adolescent hummingbirds were peaking at me through my kitchen window this morning. OMG!!! So cute!

Day 59 - You better Belize it!

2010-07-28T18:40:00.000-07:00

You know you've done your students right when one of them writes, "Thanks, Jenny!", at the bottom of their last lab practical. Thanks for what? Making you study your little bootie off so that you could make an A on this lab practical? You're welcome! And, thank you for studying! I'm so proud of my students for rocking this last practical. :) I must email them and tell them so! I'm in the middle of doing the very last grading and getting it posted in preparation for my adventures in Mexico/Belize. I expect to be without internets most of the time. Not taking my computer and perhaps even avoiding the internet like the plague. I think instead, I'll opt for all the amazing books I've been dying to finish or start.

I've been thinking about this post for a long time, trying to decide what details I wanted to give you about my history in Belize and what challenges I'm expecting that are giving me anxiety. I think I'm ready. :)

Let's start with my old webpage. I almost forgot that I'd even created this place. I think it's been 2 years since I visited. It's got a couple things that are useful for my history in Belize. My thesis. You can download and read the entire work if you're so inclined. To this day, I still can't believe I wrote it. :) It's not amazing or breathtaking, but a lot of time and effort went into the research and the writing. I'm proud of it. Also, there's some great photos of Belize on the webpage. Browse through them. They're pretty amazing. I ended up in Belize in 2004 to do some research for my M.S. I spent 3 months in Crooked Tree, Belize and fell in love, with the culture, with the people, with the environment, with everything. I love it in Belize. Despite it's many drawbacks (and there are many), there's just something about the place that speaks to me. It's spirit just took me (as they'd say in Belize). In 2005, I bought a truck and drove it down...my first road trip to Belize. I actually just sold that junker a few months ago. I got $1000 out of it. Not bad considering the abuse it took on the horrendous 2nd/3rd world roads. Since then, I've done the same road trip 2 more times with the same dude, driving trucks down for him. We're good at this drive now. We know the road; we know the best places to sleep; and we travel well together. It'll be fun. :)

Now, let's talk about the challenges I expect to face. Well, really, there's only one. The diet. First, let me just say, I'm well prepared. I have my grocery list for tomorrow. I'll buy enough food to last me most of my trip and I bought this bad boy:

Plug it into the car's power source, bam!, little miniature fridge in your car! I should be able to fit enough eggs, protein and perhaps some pre-cooked veggie items to last most of my trip. We'll also have a traditional ice cooler in which I can store my milk and yogurt. Honestly, milk and yogurt are my biggest concerns. It's hard to find good, fresh dairy in Belize, especially in Crooked Tree. I've bought 2% Parmalat (boxed milk) in case I run out or my milk/yogurt goes bad. Not ideal but I have to work with my options. I also bought these:

I'll store all kinds of raw veggies and fruits in these. Not a lot of veggie variety in Belize, but the country does have mounds of fabulous fruit. And, avocado! Yum! For my carbs, I'll bring bread to make sandwiches and some oatmeal, cause a little goes a long way. Once I get there, rice will abound. I think I'm ready for the road trip.

The real challenge will be mental, when I arrive in Belize. I'm not worried about cravings. What I'm worried about is my own rationalizations. I'm skinny, people. The last time I was this small might have been early high school. I know, y'all are like, shut up! What are you complaining about? I just know that it will be difficult for me to say no to those delicious Belizean plantains fried up in coconut oil or my favorite fried fish with johnny cakes. Oh god, you have no idea! And, the cashews, y'all, the fresh, hand processed cashews. Nothing in the world tastes as sweet. How do I say no when I look at myself and see that I'm the smallest, skinniest 31-year old woman in a 1000-mile radius? I'm serious. No Belize woman of my age is anywhere near as small as me. Men in Belize are down with the thick ladies. I'm not even sure how my dude will react to my new extra miniature size. These are the things that are stressing me out. I made a commitment to this project, and I want to keep it. But, some days I look in the mirror and I feel too skinny. Is that weird? Am I crazy? But, then I feel my abs and I'm like WOW! Those abs are AMAZING, but will I lose them if I eat some cashews and johnny cakes? I kinda doubt it. ~sigh~ I'm just trying to be honest here. It's a weird contradiction to love my strong body but still want my soft curves. Isn't there a way to have both? I guess I'll find out after the project is over.

Ok, enough! I promise to take pictures while I'm on the road. Maybe I can capture some of the weird looks the Mexicans will make when they see me doing the creep. Their looks will say, "what in the hell is wrong with that crazy white lady???" Well, I guess this is me signing out for awhile. I leave Friday morning and will focus on finishing everything up tomorrow. I may check in while I'm gone, but I doubt it. I want to engulf myself in Belize and just 'be' for awhile. No stress, no worries. I will be sending you positive vibes from afar. xoxo!

Day 58 - Crash

2010-07-28T03:10:00.000-07:00

The crash came...last night. It was an intense crash, too. I haven't been that exhausted since I started PCP. I was so tired that I wouldn't allow myself to even turn on my computer. I got home around 8:15 PM, took a cold shower, cooked dinner and dozed while intermittently sipping on my evening snack and visiting with my foster cats. Despite the 88.5 F temperature in my bedroom at 10 PM, I fell asleep almost instantly when I hit the pillow.

Many things contributed to my exhaustion, no doubt. Not enough sleep. The hot temperatures. It's out of control hot right now. Usually this time of year, we have daily afternoon showers to cool things off for bedtime, but we haven't seen rain in over a week. Everyday it doesn't rain it gets a little hotter in my house. I biked around a lot in the heat yesterday. Don't worry, Deb! I'm staying well hydrated. :) I'm also starting to get down to the wire for this Belize trip. I'll write a more in depth post tonight or tomorrow, I expect, but I leave Friday morning! It's coming up so fast. I've done a lot of planning for the food situation, and I think I'm gonna be fine. Some compromises will have to be made, but for the most part, I can pack everything I need. Soon, I will be on island time (my favorite time) reading a book, swinging in a hammock and sipping on fresh coconut water brought to me by my beautiful rasta friend. Here's a pic from last summer. Actually, in this picture, we'd been planting corn all morning and were soaked by a pretty heavy rain. We look a little rough, but happy! :)

Couple other random thoughts...I know, I know, I think of all these things through the day and I HAVE to share. My hair is growing fast! A friend suggested it's all the egg whites? I figured out what gives me the most horrendous gas, KALE! OMG! It's raunchy. Disgusting. I love kale, but I don't know, I might have to take it off the menu. Other random thoughts, my libido's been especially out of control the last couple days. I find myself just staring at pics of Damian Marley and dreaming of wrapping his dreads around my entire body. I'm sure some of you are grossed out by the thought of a cocoon out of dreads, but trust me, those dreads are clean! and erotic. Dude, I need to get laid. I leave you with this:

And this:

OMG! Yep, need to get laid. It's official. Have a beautiful day, PCP lovies!

Day 57 - Big fat F-bomb!

2010-07-27T04:35:00.000-07:00

Today's workout made me angry. Odd, since yesterday I was craving the workout. Floor jumps are my arch-nemesis. I have now decided that THIS will be how I torture information out of people. Pistol squats are too tame. I cried AGAIN during floor jumps. I also scattered around a lot of curse words at various points during the workout. I think I even said f*$! you to the imaginary Patrick in my head while failing horribly at Davincis. Sorry Patrick...but truthfully, if it were the real you, I may still have dropped it on you. Nothing personal; don't mean it; just a coping mechanism for the pain.

Ah well, at least I'm worn out now. I must have worked pretty hard. Looking on the bright side, I was up early enough to jump beneath Orion and watch one of his four corners wink at me with radiant red light. Then, slowly watch the sun begin to mask the stars in daylight. I love sunrises, way more than sunsets. I get up often to watch the sunrise, especially when I'm traveling. I'm a morning person through and through.

Day 56 - MOVE

2010-07-26T13:51:00.000-07:00

I love this man. I want to marry him. Interesting fact: that dude waving the flag is at every concert, waving the flag. What a crazy job!

Let me preface this post by telling y'all that I work 3 jobs. One, I teach Biology labs to undergrads at the University of Florida. This is my teaching assistantship. Two, I work 10 hours a week as an office assistant in the Environmental Horticulture department on campus. Three, I work at a law publishing firm, where I index Florida administrative law cases and put them together for publication. I do this for monetary reasons, mostly. I actually could just work two of the jobs and get by without a problem, but I'm doing a damn good job at paying down some debt right now. I don't mind temporarily busting my ass for this worthy cause. Also, there is relief on the horizon. I started the application process for my second tour with Peace Corps back in February and expect to be getting an invitation to a country in SE Africa (probably Malawi) in the next month or two. My assignment should start next spring. I'll have PLENTY of spare time when I get to Peace Corps, and actually, part of my reason for doing PCP was to get a routine that I could take with me overseas. Something that would keep me from gaining weight in the same way I did last time I served.

SO, I was sitting at the law job this morning, and my body was all antsy. It was like it was mad at me for not doing my normal strength training. I tried to tell it that it was a rest day and that wasn't it enough that I'd jumped, done 8-minute abs AND hung futilely from the pull-up bar a couple times. I said, "TAKE A BREAK, BODY! It's okay." Now, I'm at the Env. Hort. job, writing this blog like a bad little girl and my body is all stiff. It wants so badly to get up and MOVE. Glad I rode my bike in today. I can satisfy the urge to move in a few minutes. Point is, I just find it interesting how much pent up energy is coarsing through my body right now. Oddly, I haven't really been getting the amount of sleep I need (6-7, not 8-9), but I still feel energetic ALL day long. No crashes, no fatigue. At least, right now. I'm sure there will come a day soon when my energy levels will drop, so I'll enjoy them while they last.

And, a few random thoughts to round out the post:

- I have 5 dozen eggs in my fridge right now. Holy crap!

- It's so hot & humid that when I wake up in the morning...my pillow is damp from my sweat. I'm actually amazed that I can get 6-7 hours of sleep in these conditions. It's all practice for the tropical heat of Belize. :)

- I've decided to attempt pull-ups everyday until I can freakin' do one. I assume this is ok.

- I ate 10 almonds today with my afternoon tea. For some reason, I could not stuff all my carbs into my belly at lunch. I forced all the veggies down because I felt like I needed them. I got pretty hungry around 4 and decided the almonds would be a nice treat. I've missed almonds. They kinda rock.

I've got nothing else and it's time to go home! Is it new diet, new exercise day??? Where did the week go???

Day 55 - A new kind of midnight snack

2010-07-25T17:39:00.001-07:00

Good social weekend. I feel like I'm finally settling into a routine that makes it easier to fit my life around my social calender in a comfortable way.

Some of my friends are in a band. I went to see them play last night. Big drinking event. I drank two bottles of water. Danced my ass off and had a blast! I didn't at all feel uncomfortable about not drinking alcohol, and instead of joining my friend's in a late night Taco Bell run, I held off for my fruit/milk/egg at home. I knew it would be a late, active night and that I would be hungry at the end. So, I came home, drank my milk & egg and made a bowl of frozen banana, blueberries, milk & honey. Ummmmm....wow! I wanted more when I was done, turned the bowl up and slurped every last drop of milk and honey out of the bowl. Best midnight snack ever!!!

Anyway, I'll keep this post short. Still got some work to get done. Hope all had a great weekend!! I know I did. :) Does this mean I'm through the valley??? That wasn't so bad.

Day 54 - The Wacky Tabacky

2010-07-24T04:07:00.000-07:00

Ok, PCP lovies, I've been hesitant to write this post because of it's illicit nature. When I thought about it, though, I decided it was an important one to get out there. It's not like I'm the only person in the world getting stoned, and I doubt the popo are all that interested in banging down my door for a little paraphernalia and a teeny-weeny bud. They got bigger fish to fry. I'm a proud member of NORML, an organization that lobbies for the reform of marijuana laws. If I'm okay with giving my money to them, I should be okay with discussing this openly with people, especially with people who are accompanying me on this journey of exploring health issues and learning about the potential of the human body.

Hmmm...where to begin? Well, I suppose I'll begin at the beginning. I avoided marijuana (MJ, henceforth) until college and smoked occasionally while there. I smoked a good amount of hash mixed with tobacco in Peace Corps. When I got back to the States I stopped smoking, mostly because I didn't have that much access and wasn't interested in searching it out. Then, I went to Belize, met a rasta and started smoking MJ on a more regular basis. Now, my circle of friends includes a lot of folks that smoke it, and it's become a more permanent part of my life. That's my history with the MJ.

Here's where it becomes interesting. I have a very different relationship with this particular drug than most Americans (or at least the stereotypical stoner American). I would say that the majority of Americans believe that MJ makes a person unmotivated, lethargic and HUNGRY. :) I disagree. What I think MJ does is allow a person to really focus on particular physical sensations. Therefore, if a person is watching TV and gets high, they may get really focused on the physical sensation of viewing that show. The pleasure that its bringing to their eyes, ears and brain. Along the same lines, eating brings great pleasure because the MJ allows a person to really separate and focus on the different flavors and sensations it brings to their mouths. This holds true for me, BUT I started really smoking seriously with my special rasta friend. :) When he smokes, he gets active. We would go to the bush, get high, plant corn in the sweltering, tropical sun. VERY PHYSICAL. Or, get high, get naked and, well, you know what happens after the get naked part. These are the things that I associate with MJ. So, now, when I get stoned, I like to garden, mow the lawn, clean the house, stretch (stretching feels particularly amazing high) or, you know, do it. Some even say that they can work or write while high...I haven't found this to be the case with me personally. These are my experiences with the drug.

Now, I want to share some things I've discovered about myself being extra mindful of how my body and mind react to smoking on the PCP. I've cut back considerably and am not mixing it with junk food or alcohol. I've had some interesting insights that I believe will change my smoking habits from now on and further into the future.

1) When I smoke, I cannot multi-task. I focus very intensely on one activity and get it done well, but if I'm trying to do more than one thing at a time, forget about it. It takes twice as long. This particular aspect of smoking makes it difficult to do PCP and be high, because I'm constantly trying to balance different parts of my life these days.

2) If I oversmoke, I wake up the next day with a horrible emotional hangover. I'm more easily upset by little things, or I dwell on big things that bother me and just start crying. While I'm crying I realize that nothing immediate really set it off, it just seems to be my body trying to process the drug out of me. That's been an interesting discovery.

3) I very, very much enjoy getting stoned and stretching or doing the strength work. I've actually only done the workout (not the jumping, though) on MJ one time, and it was an awesome workout. I was so focused on each muscle and the reps that it flew by and then I was able to sit and focus on the sensations in each of my muscles as they relaxed and recovered. This isn't something I'd do a lot or on a regular basis. I like to get the workout done in the morning, and I'm not about to get stoned and try to go into work. It's something I'd be willing to treat as an occasional indulgence for a weekend afternoon/evening workout.

4) And, last but not even close to least, social interaction. I've noticed interesting trends here. In large groups, I don't socialize well while I'm high, especially if people are present with whom I don't already share a deep, developed trust. Or, even if I do trust the person and our relationship is a little out of balance, I get all paranoid and shut down. When this happens, I tend to isolate myself from the group and go off into my own little meditation.

I'll give an example. Last night, I went to a pool party. I knew everyone there well, and I share deep relationships with a few of the folks that were there. I smoked when I got there, because I LOVE swimming high. The feel of the water enveloping my body is calming and intense at the same time. It's a nice feeling. However, I found I wasn't really able to enjoy this feeling without isolating myself from people. There's a few reasons for this....I'm a HORRIBLE conversationalist when I'm stoned. I'd rather sit there and soak in what someone else is saying. And, second, my diet and my body are big topics of conversations, especially when I go to a pool party where I'm wearing a bikini and my skinny, muscly body is out there, no covering it. I'm strange, I like being the center of attention but I don't like it. I'm better able to deal with answering hard questions about my choices and the PCP when I'm sober, period. Lastly, I've got all this pent up energy plus I love stretching when I'm stoned. So, what did I do? I was talking to people, doing all kind of crazy stretches in the pool. I might have been freaking people out, but I couldn't sit still. Or, someone would ask me a tough question which would require a long explanation of the PCP and I'd give some short, curt answer and swim lazy laps in the pool to avoid socializing.

I've concluded that I should just stop smoking in big groups, and instead, smoke occasionally on my own OR with the few people who I trust enough to just sit with and chill. The people who I know are just enjoying my company. I don't need to say anything to them if I don't want to because I'm understood already. These are my discoveries. At this time, I'm not interested in giving it up completely. I'd quit alcohol for the rest of my life before I'd quite marijuana. I love it for it's ability to open minds, but if abused (like all drugs & food even), it can be debilitating and life consuming. I want a healthy relationship with MJ the same way I want with food, alcohol and physical activity.

To wrap up this essay, I turn your attention to our beloved Michael Pollan and his book, The Botany of Desire. He devotes a whole section to the coevolution of humans and marijuana. Ok, I haven't read it yet, but it's been high on my list for a long time now. There's also a PBS documentary out there based on the book. Check it out, y'all! I've heard great things!

Day 52 - The Paddle is coming for you!

2010-07-22T19:00:00.000-07:00

I'm kinda scared of myself in this picture. I've got this like, "Don't f$%! with me" look, but really it's just me concentrating on trying to flex my muscles and stand up straight because the ground was all uneven.

No, that is not an outhouse behind me! I don't live that far into the country...that's my little water pump house. I decided to take outside pictures this morning to minimize set up time. This was the best place for the position of the sun.

Holy crap! I'm soooo skinny. I don't think I've ever been this toned in my entire life, ever! It's really weird to touch my thighs and feel rock, not squishiness, and even weirder to touch my abs.

Anyway, no deep thoughts for tonight other than, what in the hell will I look like after the next 5 weeks pass???

Go TEAM SEXAAAYYY!!! Everyone looks great this week! Also, go TEAM 30 days behind us!! Y'all rock, too!

Day 51 - Love

2010-07-21T03:37:00.000-07:00

I started this post this morning before jumping. While I was jumping, I watched two pileated woodpeckers fly across the field in the distance; one following the other. I only saw them silhouetted against the sky, but they have distinctive wing beats and flight patterns. I recognized them immediately. Then, they came closer and crossed back over into a tree close to my carport. Still following each other. I thought, how perfect for my exploration of the topic love. Really, I have no idea if it was a female and male or male chasing another male. Though, it didn't seem aggressive, so probably not a territorial battle. I've witnessed that before... Regardless, still goes with the theme. :)

I decided to address this topic after reading this comment by Deborah, "I wonder though if craving love is the same as craving beer? Love and affection seem like basic building blocks. The real thing right? That's not a craving. That's a true human need. Like we need good healthy food. We need good healthy love." I have all kinds of thoughts on this and felt it better to share in a true post than a comment. What does this have to do with peak condition? Everything. I agree love is an essential human need. In order to be at the peak, we need it, so I'm going to give you my take on love and how to truly cultivate it. All of these ideas come from my many failed relationships, attempted relationships, meditations on loneliness and reading on various alternatives to traditional monogamy over the past 6 months to a year. Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: These are only my meanderings and current thoughts, no preachiness intended here.

In a way, love and affection ARE like basic building blocks. Being given these things as children, probably helps us to learn how to be loved and give love, but at some point, we stop taking shelter in our parents' love and venture out on our own. It's here that I think we have a choice, do we continue seeking a replacement for that nurturing kind of love or do we find that nurturing love within ourselves, cultivate it by loving ourselves and then give it out to the rest of the world?

Here's where I take issue with our Western ideas of monogamy. I feel like we're conditioned to look for that one person who will complete us. We'll marry that person, settle down, have kids & grow old together. ONE person. Holy crap! Really? God, that just sets us up to fail, at least in this day and age. We're not living in a little community where our interactions are limited to a few people and we pretty much know who we're going to marry by the time we're like 16. It don't work that way anymore. In this age of globalization and social networking, dude, we're meeting people and making new connections DAILY. It's awesome! I love it, but it also means that maybe pinning our happiness on one person or one phantom person is not wrong but just a lot of pressure.

I, also, don't like the idea of a person completing me. Am I half a human being? I don't get it. I'm a complete human being, separate from everyone else. Sure, there are certain people that complement me better, and probably a small few who complement me well enough try to join life paths. This doesn't mean that I need this person to make me happy, right? I really think the happiness needs to come from within me, instead of without me. Meaning I've got to stop looking outside for someone to fulfill that need for love and affection, and start looking within myself. Nobody feeds me food like my parent's did when I was a child, why should anybody feed me love? I got all the resources I need right here (pointing at my heart or the general vicinity of inside me). So, maybe we need to be conditioned to think of ourselves as the ONE person?

I think to be in peak condition, we really need to reach this point. I only just started to try to reach this point a year ago, maybe less even. Until then, I'd pinned my hopes on a series of men, looking for them to give me love, make me happy, complete me. I still love some of those men deeply, and some are my closest friends, but I've stopped expecting them to make me happy and started really focusing on me. It's been an interesting journey. I give Elena props for dating, because I'll be honest, I'm not sure I'm ready for that can o' worms quite yet. Still got a lot to discover about myself, or maybe I'm just scared. Ha!

Ok, meanderings are over. You can return to your regularly, scheduled PCP programming. Workout was good this morning. Really focused on each muscle. I'm thinking of taking the advice of former PCPer & current Kung Fu Bodyer, Emily, and getting a cheap full-length mirror from target and hanging it where I work out. I can practice loving myself while I'll focus on mah MUSCLES GETTING BIGGER! Woo!. :) Also, I think my last tummy fat is disappearing, but in this weird way. Belly fat, "Can't. Hold. On. Much. Longer." Then, it just starts caving in from the middle outwards. There's a funny indentation of less belly fat right below my navel. It makes me giggle, it's so funny looking, especially when I did a shoulder stand this afternoon. Two little belly fat flaps.

Ok, I've spent WAY too much time on this post. It's time for the computer to go in the off position! I'll do pictures in the morning. It was 90 F in my house when I got home today...heat makes me look all bloated. I'll try for the cool of the morning pictures. :) Nighty-night!

Day 50 - Really???

2010-07-20T18:09:00.000-07:00

So, what there's like 40 days left? I keep looking at my progress bar and thinking that the time is passing SO QUICKLY! I have a confession to make...I know, I know, I'm such a sinful Jenny, I'm always confessing something! Sooooo, maybe, I MIGHT have continued my indulgence into one more beer tonight. It was extenuating circumstances. One of my best dude friends in the world (seriously, he's like in the top 3) defended his dissertation and became a doctor of philosophy today. YES HE'S A REAL DOCTOR (of philosophy)! :) 7 years worth of classes, exams, research, goofing off, procrastinating, kissing ass, stressing out, working through the night, drinking/smoking through the night to kill the depression and generally just doing something that most of the population is smart enough to avoid....is coming to an end. I felt like it deserved a celebratory beer. And, then, I was smart enough to stop at one, drink a water and come home to this:

There's some salmon buried underneath those veggies. I wasn't super hungry so I figured this was the way to go....It's yum!

Energy was high today. The workout was great! It's weird, I was really dreading the leg work. I mean, DREADING. I actually looked at it last night and laughed. Yeah, right, like I'm going to be able to do floor jumps after the other stuff. I did them, though and I did them well. I failed, of course, and it hurt, but it wasn't as bad as my mind had built it up to be. Hmmmm....I feel like there's a lot of random thoughts rolling around in my mind right now. Let me unload a couple.

My boobs are shrinking. Not that this is a surprise to anyone....everyone's boobs are shrinking, including Royce's. Still, I'm barely fitting into a 32AA nowadays, if they shrink anymore, they'll start pointing inwards. I keep thinking it's time to burn the bras, but I still have headlights when I get cold. I can't teach with headlights! Gotta wear a bra.

I've been flexing in the mirror. It's scary crazy what it looks like...in a good way. I'm a bit self-conscious about taking pictures like that though. I'll try for this round. New pics will come in the next couple days. I know you all can't wait to see the muscly, boobless me! My ass looks nice. Still lookin' like a woman from behind.

Alright, getting sleepy. Time for fruity, milky goodness and bed! Good night, PCPmates! xo!

Indulgence #2 - The Low Down

2010-07-19T18:53:00.001-07:00

Oh jeez, where to start with this one? Well, what I decided to have for my indulgence ... Chick-fil-a chicken sandwich, medium McyD's fries, one small square of intense dark chocolate (72% cacao) & one beer (Dixie Blackened Voodoo Lager).

Let's start with the fast food experience. I was super hungry by the time I got around to driving thru for these items. I visited McDonald's first, ordered my medium fry for $1.92! Did you know that's how much a medium fry costs these days??? WTF? It was one of those double drive-thrus, you know, where there's a place for two cars to order at the same time. There's a certain order to these types of drive-thru, car from Lane 1 goes, Lane 2, Lane 1, Lane 2, you get my drift. Well, I was rudely and obviously cut-off by a lady (beeeoootch) who gave me the hand when I gave her my horn. The HAND!!! Really? OMG! Welcome to McDonald's people. Took me 10 minutes to get my $2 fries. Then, headed to Chick-fil-a, right down the road. I waited 15 minutes for my chicken sandwich, all the while snacking on fries and burning fossil fuels. I never finished the fries. They got cold and gross. They were good for about 5 seconds and I threw them away after this picture. The sandwich was good, but not worth 15 minutes and $3. In the time it took me to obtain these two items, I could've cooked my lunch for today. I honestly found myself craving the shrimp, spinach, bok choy, mushroom, sun-dried tomato pasta concoction that I dreamed up over the fast food. Cool. I like it! True progress, people! I'm glad I chose fast food as my indulgence...since it's the one thing I really wanted to give a test run. I now know that it will be easy for me to cut it out of my life. Oh, and it did not wreck my digestive system or really even make me tired, which was surprising.

Now, the dark chocolate square, that's another story entirely! It was pure joy in my mouth. Oh god, I wish I'd had a quality glass of red wine to wash it down with....mmmmm, mouth watering. And, the beer:

'Twas also pure heaven! Dixie Blackened Voodoo Lager, bought on a recommendation from a co-worker. Quite tasty, especially after being in my freezer for an hour. I still love beer and dark chocolate. Not so much with the fast food, though.

Day 49 - MoMA Exhibit - Piece #2

2010-07-19T05:04:00.000-07:00

I'm calling this one "Slap of the Tricep Extension." As to which piece of the human body you're looking at, well, that shall remain a mystery. The fun of modern art is that most times, you don't really know what you're looking at but it sure is beautiful! I feel like this one looks less painful than my rope whip, but it hurt way more and was completely unexpected. I especially like how it stretches the entire width of the mystery extremity. :) I guess my door wasn't closed tight enough and I was too focused on the exercise to notice it coming loose....oops!

Indulgence #2! I already knew that I was going to do some form of fast food for this indulgence (and a beer, haha!)...I'm really curious to see how it affects my body. I know we were told not to rush, but I know what I want and I didn't cook my lunch last night. Best time for an indulgence. Chick-fil-a fried chicken sandwich with pickles & a large McDonald's french fry. Yes! Come home, do jumps, wind down with an ice cold beer. I would have a glass of wine from my family's soon-to-be established winery (it's their first wine!) if I didn't have to waste a whole bottle for one glass. I'll just stop at Gator Bev on the way home and pick up a single, quality beer. Will report on results.

Day 48 - A different kind of craving

2010-07-18T08:34:00.000-07:00

Before I get into the actual topic of this post, I want to share my pull-up bar with you. I say, who needs a man?! I only need my drill and my tool set and bam!, pull-up bar installed. I did work up quite a sweat getting this bad boy hung up. Totally worth it! I did a number on my back muscles yesterday...didn't do one pull-up but I strained and strained and my back muscles are on fire today. :) I did some kung-fu sit-ups, but they weren't pretty. Wow! These are some hard-core exercises, people.

On to the meat of today's discussion. I was invited to try a new Indian restaurant with some of my favorite people in the world. Against my better judgment (esp. after the Thai situation), I decided to give it a try. The restaurant MUST have one thing on the menu that would be suitable. Here's how it went down. I ordered the appetizer of grilled chicken and a main course with a description that goes something like this, "Fresh, seasonal veggies served/cooked with cottage cheese and sauteed in spices." I was picturing a bowl of veggies with a little cottage cheese and perhaps with some oil and maybe too much salt. What I got was a bowl of cheese chunks swimming in an oily, spicy sauce. 3 spears of broccoli and overcooked onions and peppers. I'd say 10% veggies, 90% shit I can't eat. So, I picked out the brocolli, dabbed off the oil, ate it. I ate a couple pieces of the cheese chunks, which were very cottage cheesy and probably would have been fine minus the oily sauce they were in. Didn't eat any of the rest. ~sigh~ $10, down the drain. The chicken was over salty but fine otherwise. And, at least it was garnished with some raw green pepper, so I ate the garnish, about 60 grams of the chicken and 3 spears of broccoli. I didn't really go that much off diet, but it was disheartening to realize there wasn't one option on that menu that was even close to PCP healthy. SO, no more eating out for the rest of the project!! Except sushi, b/c I can get a big bowl of steamed, unsalted veggies and fabulous sashimi that's totally in diet.

And, to bring it back to the topic, "a different kind of craving"...what happened here is not that I had an uncontrollable food craving. The food didn't look super appealing and it wasn't hard for me not to eat it. I gave in to my craving for social interaction. Let me just be honest and straight here. I'm lonely, I get lonely. I live alone. I don't have a boyfriend. I crave social interaction and especially crave human touch. I love cuddling and being close to people, and without a partner in my life, I get very, very little human touch. Sometimes it gets difficult, I get sad, I cry. This is life. And, when I get invited out to spend time with the people that I love the most here in Gainesville, saying NO is difficult. I get so little quality time with people that I don't want to say no when I'm offered it, and I am conscious of making others uncomfortable with my picky eating. Especially when I'm so obviously in shape right now...I get self-conscious when I have to explain what I'm doing to a table of 9 other people....most of my peeps know what I'm doing, but last night, one person didn't know and noticed that I barely touched my food. I had to explain myself. And, nobody was judging, the uncomfortableness comes from within me and the worry that I'm pushing away the people I love, which ultimately is silly, because they love me, too and understand. So there, food/alcohol cravings, easy (I've had two cold beers in my fridge since the beginning of this project, have yet to touch them or crave them) but social cravings, my biggest challenge.

Day 47 - Ahhh, yoga

2010-07-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

I practice yoga occasionally on my own, but the truth is, it's been years and years since I went somewhere and practiced with a group. Sin #3, perhaps? Piggy-backing on Sarah's comments about community, I love yoga in a group setting b/c 1) the community feel & 2) I can really start to focus on my posture and my poses, esp. since I know someone is watching. I expect that I will try to make it to a couple classes a week. Today was a Hatha class, and I enjoyed it immensely! Stretched my body out GOOD. Worked up a nice sweat, too. I'll go back. And, I'd like to pick one more during the week. Perhaps a more beginner type class so I'm a little better educated on names of poses and whatnot. Anyway, it was a great experience and I think great complement to PCP for the stretching, balancing aspect.

Also, I just have to say that I am so completely envious of all of you folks that get to workout with Patrick. One, b/c I think it'd be nice to meet this dude who is having such a huge influence on my life and its path. Strange only knowing him as a face in pictures and a voice on podcasts. Very strange. Two, b/c I know that if I was working out with Patrick, I'd work harder! Perhaps I should construct a gigantic cardboard stand-up of Patrick with a bubble hanging over his head saying, "One more! Do it!". No, no, that would be weird, wouldn't it? Haha! Yes, very, very weird. :)! Anyway, there'd be this great place to take my weekly pictures AND measure my stats (I assume that's why all those Japan PCP peeps know all those numbers) and yoga and meditation. SO ENVIOUS! Then again, I get this great big backyard to play in...and, that is pretty f'n fabulous. I'd say that balances it all out. Maybe one day soon, I'll try a video post and give everyone a tour of the Haddle Homestead. It is quite nice out here, when I allow myself to sit and be quiet in my space.

Hanging my pull-up bar today! Very exciting!

Day 46 - Sin & Punishment

2010-07-16T15:34:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh...just woke up from a 2-hour nap. You know, one of those where you wake-up, look at the clock and think, wow!, is it really 6PM already? I needed it, badly. I'm trying to decided how to start this post, funny story first or last, let's save the best for last.

Sin #1! Tara posted about being tired, really tired and hating parts of the workout. I'm going to take her cue and talk a bit about both of those things in relation to this morning's workout. I woke up at 4 AM this morning, stretched my toes and legs and my right calf immediately seized on me. OUCH! Not pleasant. Tried to go back to sleep, but just couldn't, got up around 4:45 AM. I'm pretty sure the charley horse was a product of overwork. Sometimes when I'm in a really great mood, I'll put on music and dance around my kitchen like I'm a ballerina, up on my toes. I'm sure I look nothing like a ballerina, but it enjoy the way it feels to work and stretch my muscles and plie and bend my body all around. With the workouts I'm already doing, perhaps I need to take it a bit easy on my body when I have these spontaneous dance sessions. And, perhaps I should get some real training so I'm not injuring my body by doing things wrong. This made my leg workout especially heinous this morning. Also, I was consciously trying to take some of the work off my quads and focus on my gluts a bit more in the squats. I pushed myself to the max, when I was already over-tired and as a consequence it made the workout much less fun.

Sin #2. I folded under social pressure and went out with some co-workers for lunch today. They suggested a place called Bahn Thai, because they were trying to stick within the limits of my diet. They figured there would be lots of veggies, rice & chicken, so it'd be good. I thought, yeah, Thai food, I can find something a little lighter with lots of veggies, no problem. I did NOT realize it would be a buffet. An Asian buffet may have been the worst thing I could do for me and my new diet. Yes, there were tons of veggies, good veggies ruined by TONS of oil. So, so oily. I ate it, because well, it's what there was to eat. A half hour later my digestive system was in ruins. IN RUINS! Oh God, it's still a little in ruins. I drank my yogurt and am about to steam some veggies and have some extremely-PCP fish to try to put myself back together again. I have been punished for my sin, but it leaves me wondering about my post-PCP life (much like Tara). If this is how my body reacts to indulgences, am I ever going to enjoy a normal social night out at a restaurant again? Perhaps I shouldn't be so hard on myself, even in pre-PCP life I didn't eat Asian buffet often. Still, it makes me hesitant to want any restaurant food at this point. It hurt, people, really hurt! (If any of my co-workers are reading this, the company was fabulous and made up for my post-buffet pain!)

So, all of this prompted me to come home, lay down on my couch and hard-core crash for 2 hours. Wow.

Ok, and now for the funny random story. My cat, Hershey, very much loves his attentions. This morning he was up on my dresser, rolling around, meowing and trying furiously to get loves from me. I was, of course, ignoring him because I was trying to get ready for work and get out the door. He started rubbing his face on the corner of my 1.5 gallon Beta fish tank. I went to scold him for it....worried he might push it off and he flipped the f@$* out, and did exactly what I was afraid he would do...knocked the tank off the dresser. I watched in slow motion as the tank tipped water, fish, plants and rocks onto my bed and then onto the shag carpet below. NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I, then, flipped the f@$* out. Poor Hershey! He hid all morning. It took me almost an hour to get the situation under control as it required stripping my sheets, lifting my heavy queen mattress off my bed and pulling my bed out to get to the carpet below. The fish is alive and well and the tank is back up and running. My carpet is ALMOST dry and my comforter is at the dry cleaners. ~sigh!~ It was funny, really funny, to anyone that was not me in the moment. :-/ One day, I hope to be centered and balanced enough that I can watch that happen and immediately laugh at the beautiful chaoticness of it. Not there yet!

Wow, long post, hope you were able to make it to the funny story! Enjoy your weekend. I'll be going to see Inception tonight, taking a banana, some cherries, yogurt & water with me for the movie. Screw popcorn. My digestive system has had enough for one day.

Day 45 - Halfway Pressies

2010-07-15T19:12:00.000-07:00

Yeeesss! These came in the mail just in time to be my halfway awards. Look at the cute pink embroidery in my gloves!! God, I'm so easy to please sometimes. On top of those pressies, my pull-up bar should get here tomorrow. I can hang it up in my barn just in time for kung-fu sit-ups. Awesome.

Some randomness to share:

1) The non-randomness of my drive to Belize. I mean, I suppose up and driving to Belize would seem random to someone in JAPAN. However, for a graduate student who did her master's research there in 2004 and has been back at least twice a year for the past 6 years, well, not as random. I will devote a full future post to my history in Belize, and why it will be a particularly difficult challenge diet-wise.

2) When I look at my shoulder in the mirror, I can see the striations of my deltoid through my skin! It's fascinating.

3) I think I'm starting to prefer raw egg whites. Whoa! I started by hiding raw egg in my evening snack smoothie...didn't seem too bad. I decided I needed to just drink it straight up with a little cinnamon and see how that treated me. I conquered the mental revulsion of the sliminess and just drank it and focused on the taste. It was a rather nice taste, MUCH better than boiled egg whites. I still like soft-boiled eggs if I can have the runny yolk to cover the white, but I may convert to a raw egg drinker/eater. Huh, who'd thunk it?

Ok, I think that covers my thoughts for the day. Good day all in all, now ready for a GOOD, long night's rest. And, maybe some reading before the light's go out! :)

"Too Fat to Fight"

2010-07-14T08:29:00.000-07:00

Heard this on my local NPR station this morning.

Excess weight disqualifies many youth from military service...

The lastest national security threat, peeps!

Day 43 - OH GOD, WHY???

2010-07-13T17:54:00.000-07:00

Are you allowing Yahoo to advertise Krispy Kreme doughnuts on my email sidebar??? You are a cruel, cruel, evil GOD!

Ok, over it. (Sorta)

So, is there a such thing as too many AMAYW veggies? Cause I just devoured this gigantic plate of broccoli, cauliflower and zucchini.

Would you like a side of scallops (the bay kind, Publix was out of the sea kind) with your enormous helping of vegetables? Why, yes, yes, I would. Also, my appetizer was raw carrots & raw green pepper slices. Dude, and, it did whet my appetite or turn it on. Dinner was almost as good as a hot Krispy Kreme doughnut. (Sorta, not really) ;-)

I love the scientific experiment assignment. I've totally already been doing this while standing in line to check out. I look at the people and look at what they're buying. Spying is fun! I don't take notes though...throwing a pad o' paper in my purse. Hey, can I write my dissertation on this? Patrick, will you be my new advisor? :-D Seriously though, it's a good exercise. The girl checking me out at Publix the other day actually said, "Wow! You must eat really healthy!" This was the result of the shopping list I posted Sunday. It would be nice to be able to record some other variables, like socio-economic class, for example (the anthropologist coming out in me).

Ok, a preview of days to come. In a last minute (insane) decision, I allowed a friend to talk me into helping him drive a car down to Belize. July 30-Aug. 7, I will be taking PCP on the second-world country road. 3.5 days driving, a few days to spend with my surrogate family in Belize, fly home. Ok, I'm not completely crazy, I've done this trip with this dude 3 times already, no surprises. I know what to expect. And, what to expect is one hell of a challenge trying to keep the diet in Mexico and even more so in Belize. And, Pio (my Belizean friend) will not make it easy. He will tease me about putting meat on my bones from Gainesville to the moment he drops me in Crooked Tree. That's Belize, baby, no holds barred. Grow thick skin! The wheels in my head are already turning. You will hear more about this in days to come. And, really, this is the ultimate test & challenge of the PCP for me. I wanted to do this project so I could get a routine that would travel easy, or at least travel. :) Bring it, Mexico/Belize! You can't break me! (Insha'Allah)

Day 42 - First rope whip

2010-07-12T04:53:00.001-07:00

This one's for you, Jason! :) It's not as impressive as yours but it is a good whip nonetheless. Mostly acquired from fooling around and playing with cris-crosses and double jumps. Another more sadistic progress marker?

Day 41 - Progress Markers

2010-07-11T06:18:00.000-07:00

I did 1236 jumps in a row today. And, rounded off to 1500 with only one more set of jumps.

And, my grocery list for the next couple days:

apples

broccoli

cauliflower

sweet potato (2)

avocado

grape tomatoes

carrots

sourdough bread

zucchini

red chiles

parsley

basil

sea scallops

shallots

mushrooms (probably a gourmet mix)

pine nuts (just a little treat to add some crunch & flavor to some spinachy/basil stuff)

spinach

dishwasher detergent

laundry detergent

Everything except my cleaning supplies is raw. Well, technically the bread will be pre-made, just not enough time for baking right now. This is a pretty amazing shopping list compared to what I would have bought 6 weeks ago.

All of this indicates serious progress for me physically and mentally. And, for fun today, I did the 8 minute abs in place of the regular workout after jumps and am saving the regular workout for the evening, post World Cup. Trying something a little new, have yet to break the workout up into pieces.

Day 39 - I love shopping!

2010-07-09T16:37:00.000-07:00

Why, Jenny? Why do you love shopping?

Because every pair of shorts I tried on, fit me, perfect! It's not about the size. It's about the fit. I hated shopping for pants or shorts, because if they fit in the butt, they gapped in the waist. And, if they might fit in the waist, I couldn't pull them over my ass. Don't get me wrong, I was sometimes able to find pants that fit me, but it was a struggle. Today, every pair of shorts I picked up fit me! I got to choose amongst styles...not choose a style because it fit.

BEST DAY SHOPPING EVAH!!!!!! I am so much more motivated to get my ass out of bed and workout tomorrow. Ah, retail therapy. The good stuff.

This being in peak condition thing is going to be hard on my budget. Must meditate on monetary self-control.

Day 38 - Torture

2010-07-08T10:04:00.000-07:00

If, for some insane reason, I'm ever forced to torture information out of somebody, I'll break them with pistol squats. I don't think it'll take too long. Honestly, I swear, every muscle in my legs is sore, really sore. Actually, most of my muscles everywhere are sore, back, shoulders, arms, only exception, abs. They seem to be handling the bicycles and planks (not without burn, though). I broke down and took ibuprofen after today's workout. It had to be done.

Wow, this week really is a challenging week. I looked ahead and thought, damn, there's no end to the pistol squats! They just keep coming!

In the food world, gnawing on a turkey sandwich, lettuce, tomato, small amount of mustard and some quinoa tabouleh (loads of veggies, the quinoa is more of a complement, flavored with a little olive oil, parsley, green onion, fresh lemon juice, black pepper). Also, I grilled some buffalo burgers (adorable little 50g patties) last night for a change of pace from the various forms of seafood I've been eating over the past couple weeks. Broccoli & sweet potato as sides. Very American & very YUMMY! Also, seriously, if any of you can find drinkable yogurt from grass-fed cows, BUY IT! All it needs is a dash of honey to drink it straight (really, I could drink it without, I choose not to) and mixed with frozen peaches, bananas, blueberries & strawberries, it makes an AMAZING dessert with the consistency of soft-serve ice cream. No other spices necessary, another dash of honey if you want some extra sweetness, a dash though is all it needs. I'm really enjoying the diet this week. I had some fast food cravings over the weekend (why??? fast food is so gross, it should be so easy to forget) but they've subsided.

Day 37 - A new level of BADASS

2010-07-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was wondering if I was working hard enough. Today, I got my answer. After cursing and groaning through pistol squats and then creeps, I stood up, exhausted, dripping sweat, body bathed in the rising sun...and, what did I see? Clouds of steam evaporating off of my skin. Ok, I can't help it, that is just BADASS. I felt like Rocky or something.

Ok, ok, so I know it has a lot to do with the weather. It cooled off a lot last night and it was EXTRA humid this morning. Still, pretty cool special effects. Thanks mother nature!!!

I gave it my all this morning, and I'm exhausted because of it. I plan on an extra early bedtime tonight. I need it, badly. I can feel the ache in my muscles as they try to rebuild themselves. And, boy, have I been hungry, even with all the extra food. I think my diet is perfect this week, but I am burning some serious calories right now. I can feel it happening. I've also been rather grouchy and a little over-sensitive. Perhaps I should get some meditation in my life. I'd benefit from it.

I'm also gaining weight now. I bottomed out at around 96ish lbs mid-week last week. My morning weight today was 98. Gooood, very gooood. :)

Anyway, hope everyone in Team SEXAAAY is surviving the pain! I'm thinking of you every single morning.

Oh! PS New pics are posted....check out the crazy tummy/rib muscle in the 2nd pic! What is it???

Day 35 - Mt. Zitimanjaro...

2010-07-05T17:25:00.000-07:00

...is growing out the side of my face.

Could this be from:

a) the Stone Ruination

b) the Waffle House

c) karmic retribution for the cheesy, buttery crab-filled mushroom that I illegally enjoyed on Saturday afternoon at the Red Lobster (impossible to resist momma pressure!)

d) none of the above, zits happen!

You choose!

PS At local market, found this fabulous locally produced drinkable yogurt made from the milk o' grass-fed cows. Expensive as what?!? Totally worth it. YUM!!!

PPS Checked my chip time for the Peachtree. 59:55!! I did break an hour. That last push, arms flailing, racing for the finish line paid off. Woot!

PPPS Thanks for the change in diet. I expect to sleep very well this week.

Day 34 - I CAN FLY & Indulgence #1

2010-07-04T10:04:00.000-07:00

Ok, PCP, kiddos! Here's my Peachtree Road Race Story. To the left you'll see me at 6:30 AM this morning with my running mates, Chuck & Leslie. Don't we look fresh and clean, clean?! That's right, I wore a pink disco ball on my head! It was fabulous and made me run faster. :)

So, let me just cut to the chase. I just ran the fastest 10K in my life, ever! 60:25. I totally blew the first mile off, cruising along with my friends but bursting with energy. At mile 1.25ish, I was like, ummmm, so, how would y'all feel about me taking off and meeting y'all at the end? I proceeded to bounce down Peachtree in record time. Honestly, if I'd tried, I think I could have finished in 58ish range. My previous fastest time was 62ish and NOT in the Peachtree. The Peachtree is a slow race for multiple reasons, mostly b/c you're swerving around walkers or slower runners the ENTIRE time but also b/c around mile 3 there's Cardiac Hill. It's not a flat race or all downhill. So, to get my fastest time on that course, well, it's a big deal for me. And, ultimately, it PROVES that this training is working. I'm getting stronger. I never thought I'd run a 10K in under an hour.

Also, maybe this shirt had a bit to do with it:

Now, onto the post-race indulgence:

That is a Stone Ruination IPA, 22 oz. I am writing this post post-Ruination. I'm doing ok, not sick. Just tipsy and ready for a nap. And, for post-race Indulgence #2:

That's right, that shirt says, "I run so I can eat WAFFLE HOUSE." Just in case you couldn't read it....here's what I ate:

And, it was SOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD!!!! Sausage, Oh, God! How I love thee!!! That's a sausage, egg & cheese sandwich. I know, it's so simple looking but so full of flavor. I can't help it, I'm a true Southern girl. I love my Waffle House, but I also absolutely love being FAST and STRONG & bouncing down Peachtree like Tigger on crack. So, only in small doses sausage, egg & cheese, just enough to appreciate you.

Now, back to the grindstone. I've got some serious veggies to consume this afternoon. Happy Indepence Day, y'all!

Day 32? nope 33! - In the ATL

2010-07-03T08:07:00.000-07:00

Howdy y'all! I've moved the PCP operation northwards to my old stompin' grounds, Marietta, GA. The weather is fabulous! Breezy and cool, less humid. I had an AMAZING jumping session this morning. I walked down to the cemetary (yes, morbid but it has a big figure 8 loop that allows for walking/running) with my folks and did my jumps while they ran/walked. The flat surface of the pavement made for more efficient jumping. I have been jumping in my yard, the uneven ground makes me more inefficient than I figured, must fix this somehow. I'll start working on it. Anyway, I did over 500 in a row, quickly. Getting good, baby, getting good.

Then, we walked to the elementary school, which has the perfect low tech set-up for the PCP exercises. Pull up bars, places to do chest dips, inclined sit-ups, blah, blah, blah, all the good stuff. I attemped my first real pull-up today. I went nowhere...my dad assisted me in doing some full pull-ups (like 6), but it was hard. It's time to get a bar installed at my house. That'll happen this week. My pull-up failure reminded me that I've come a long way, but have a LONG, LONG way to go. Motivated me to work harder. I got some serious, serious burn with katanas today (I changed out for Day 34 so I can go down and do the chest exercises at the school equipment tomorrow) ... bowed to the PCP gods on my knees. Oh Gods, make me strong and flexible so I can kick some vampire ass (Been watching Buffy series from Episode 1, awesome) Good suggestion on katanas, Patrick. Still struggling with V-sits, they made me angry this morning. I'll keep at 'em!!! Having fun! Woohoo!

One last thing, I've been extremely, extremely hungry before bedtime the past couple nights. It's been difficult to fall asleep b/c of the hunger. Can I eat extra veggies? Should I eat some fruit? Drink a glass of milk? I need to SLEEP!! Must build muscle!!! How can I not be so hungry? Help ME!!!!

Ok, guys, the Peachtree Road Race is tomorrow. Wish me a fast run! I'll probably at least eat some carbs tonight with my veggies, just to have some energy reserve tomorrow. But, not too much. It'll be my last serious run till the end of the PCP, any future runs will be nice and casual.

Have a nice 4th, those PCPers that celebrate it. And, welcome to the new folks!! Look forward to reading your blogs.

Day 31 - You got me!

2010-07-01T05:19:00.000-07:00

I cried after the last set of floor jumps today. I don't even know where the tears came from...tears of relief? "Thank God, that was the last set! Boo-hoo-hoo?!" :) You're smiling right now, aren't you, Patrick? Sadist! I finally reached failure in the leg-ups. Jesus! And, somehow pushed through an extra 10 seconds in the last of the planks, but it felt like an earthquake in my tummy. I, also, finally reached failure in the tricep dips, which meant that double katanas the way they are pictured were useless. I couldn't even do one with the easiest weight of resistance band. So, I did a little modification. I took the medium weight band and used just one handle with both hands. I was able to do 3 sets and still feel a good burn. I assume this is acceptable, because otherwise, I would have done nothing. I'll play around with it and find the sweet spot where I reach failure in set 3.

I cooked some curried quinoa this morning to take for my lunch carb. Finally! I understand now why Royce eats this stuff ALL THE TIME! It's sooooo yum! Why have I never had it before? And, a lean steak salad. My body was craving red meat this week. I don't know if y'all get cravings like that...but, I do. And, when my body calls for red meat, I answer the call. I got the leanest cut I could find...and, it looks soooooo good! Mmmm...steak salad (threw in some steamed eggplant, raw tomato and garden green peppers), with curried quinoa on the side. I can't wait for lunch and I just finished breakfast.

Have a fabulous day, TEAM SEXAAAAY!!!! Good luck with Day 31 if you haven't done it yet. Holy crap!

Day 30!!

2010-06-30T12:02:00.000-07:00

Woot! I just finished looking through all the updated pictures. Everyone looks awesome. Royce, pics, I want to see some! Seriously, I wonder how many pounds of fat we've burned collectively in 30 days?

I did get 8 hours of sleep last night. It didn't make my jumps more efficient, but it did make my strength training much more enjoyable, if you can call trembling uncontrollably by the end an enjoyable experience. My abs were actually quivering after the leg-ups but I somehow managed to get in 3 sets of v-sits, the last set wasn't pretty. I thought how hilarious it would be to video my last set and watch myself thrash around on the floor trying to complete 8 of them. Ha! Hilarious!

Short post today. Things are fairly even keeled.

Hard Core Crash

2010-06-29T18:00:00.000-07:00

First off, new pics are posted. I went for the new bathing suit for these...I thought it was time to start seeing some of the detail, especially in the butt area. Cheers! :)

My other topic of discussion is my crash yesterday afternoon...a total mental health crash. Maybe that's an overstatement, but I did have a crash in energy, got really hungry and really grouchy. Which, in turn, caused all these issues and insecurities to rise (not just with PCP but with life in general), further perturbing me and ending in my crying after hanging up with lawn mower fix-it man, who was being infinitely difficult.

What I found interesting about this crash was how I was able to sort of lift up out of myself and see it happening as it happened...I watched it, I knew what was coming and even though I wasn't really able (yet) to control it, I did to make better decisions while in that state. Also, since our diets and exercise are so controlled right now, I was really able to hone in on the ultimate cause. I'm just not getting enough sleep (at least that's my suspicion). I'm working extra hard and I feel like I'm getting less sleep. Not good. I'm determined to get at least 8 1/2 tonight.

And, sadly, since I knew that I needed to sleep last night, I, of course, had a terrible night's sleep. I just couldn't settle into a comfortable deep sleep. :( Still, I got up and did the workouts this morning, and somehow managed 1300 jumps and only 7 trips. I'm improving. I also couldn't believe how easy 100 sit-ups felt compared to last week. I was still tired by set 4 but not failing. The plank took care of that...well, I didn't fail but I was shaking by the end. Maybe I'll push through an extra 10 or 20 seconds next time. I also kinda collapsed in a ball after the jumps this morning...rolling around in my grass yelling a few obscenities. I can't wait for the creep tomorrow! (a little sarcasm, and a little looking forward to it).

GO TEAM SEXAAAY!!! That's what I'll yell tomorrow when I'm rolling in the grass after the creep, instead of the usual f-bomb, mother, f-bomb.

Day 28 - The Parsley Debaucle

2010-06-28T05:39:00.001-07:00

This post goes out to the Mindfulest hosts. Thank you for making me laugh out loud on several occasions at work. I think it was the last podcast where there was discussion of parsley and gardening. Parsley is so much more than a garnish. I use it all the time, so much so, that I really wish I had 4 or 5 plants of it growing in my garden. I tried growing it from seed this year, and none of it sprouted. It’s very finicky (this is also the case for cilantro), especially in the Florida heat. If you can get it to sprout and grow beyond a few leaves, it does pretty well. Parsley is awesome in dressings and marinades. It’s also is a key ingredient in many of my seafood sauces. An understated but valuable herb.

So, I decided I wanted some parsley in my balsamic vinaigrette this weekend. I didn’t have any fresh, but I did have a tube of parsley blend that I use to substitute for such occasions.

I promptly squirted a nice size blob into my dressing, wiped the leftovers off the tube with my finger and deposited them in my mouth. Raw parsley’s not bad; it’s got a fresh herby, grassy sorta flavor. This is what I was expecting. What I got was….dum, dum, dum…salt, loads of salt, with zero parsley flavor (at least that’s what it seemed like to me). Ugh! I was super disappointed. WTF???

Hey, at least there’s ton of Vitamin C per serving! I’ll finish the dressing, even with the salt. I’m still disappointed, though. I’ll never buy the tubes again, and they’re so convenient for occasions where I’m out of a certain herb.

The workouts went okay this weekend. The creep kicked me butt up and down and every which way. I’m still sore from it. My swim this morning helped loosen things up in my legs without putting too much pressure on them. ‘Twas good. Looking forward to this week’s menu. I’ll try to get some new pics posted tonight or tomorrow.

I bet your cravings aren't this bad....

2010-06-27T04:48:00.000-07:00

A little culture from the Deep South coming your way.

Day 26 - Empowerment

2010-06-26T10:02:00.000-07:00

As I've followed my weight and watched the beer and fast food melt off of my body over the last few weeks, I feel a little like the witch of the west. "I'm melting, I'm melting!" A whole new exterior AND interior are revealing themselves. I feel a bit like I'm being transformed into Tigger, just bouncing around all lightweight with bundles of energy. Or maybe a more appropriate analogy is from the wicked witch of the west to:

The point is, I feel lighter, more energetic and overall happier. It's a bit like floating around on air. I've been thinking about the reasons for the happiness part. Obviously, I'm lighter because I'm lighter. I suspect the energy is a mix of being lighter, stronger and eating foods that my body digests easier and transforms into energy more efficiently. As far as the happiness, my theory is as follows....

I think the most important part of this project is the sense of control and empowerment that it gives those of us doing it. Here, I'm going to use weight as an example but I want to be very clear in saying that this is the least important aspect of this project, it's just the easiest to quantify. When I was 21, I weighed about 98 lbs, but it was an unhealthy 98 lbs. I drank a lot, ate badly and worked out regularly but with no consistent program. For lunch on most days, I only ate a yogurt and a Nature Valley granola bar. That's it. I was hungry a lot, and I stayed small. Then, I joined Peace Corps, gained about 17 lbs, came home, worked out, lost 9. I stabilized at 108, drinking semi-heavily and eating poorly. I'm lucky to have a fast metabolism. I've been 108 for about 8 years. I'd accepted that this was it. I could not change my body...I was meant to have the small layers of fat on my butt and tummy.

Ah, but with this project, I have discovered that this is not so. I do have the power to alter my body into a stronger, leaner, fitter machine. Certainly, I have a body type, it's mine, I will never look like this:

Unless, I get a boob job, and that just isn't happening. However, I don't have to feel lethargic and frankly shitty all the time. I don't have to be tired, and I don't have to carry around 10 extra pounds of fat if I don't want to. I, and only I, have the power to actually transform my body into the body I want it to be...think of what I can do with the body I'm creating right now! I've always dreamed of being proficient at some form of martial arts or dancing. I love modern, interpretive dance. This slender, bird frame is perfect for training in real dance techniques. A new hobby perhaps? This is empowerment. This is where that feeling of happiness is coming from...I feel in control of my destiny. What this project is showing me can be translated into all aspects of my life, one step at a time. Certainly, there are limits and a certain amount of luck and circumstance mixed in. Still, I am in control of myself, how I react to situations and the decisions I make that effect my future. So, out of all the gifts the Peak Condition Project will give me, I believe that this sense of empowerment is the most important and crucial aspect.

Oddly, I woke up in a real shitty mood this morning. My work out and a great phone conversation with a friend improved my mood exponentially. I haven't had my indulgence yet. I'm saving it for after the Peachtree Road Race on the 4th, but I have it planned. My friend and I have a ritual after the Peachtree, Waffle House and beer. My indulgence will be one sausage, egg and cheese sandwich at Waffle House and a beer. I know, we were warned that the beer will make us sick. But, dude, the warning just makes me want to drink a beer and see if it's true. Livin' on the edge, baby! Livin' on the edge!

Day 25 - Dude! & Sweet potatoes

2010-06-25T02:47:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or is blogger being a real pain in the ass? Maybe it's just my internets.....

Let's see if I can actually get a post out. My comments haven't been taking. Perhaps I'll have to go out and start jumping as opposed to sitting here and cursing at my computer. "What? What do you mean you can't connect to ~insert random blog~??? Do it, Safari, or I will put you in a world of hurt!" Safari just continues to mock me. Let's try Elena's newest post again....Success! Woot! I like it when my threats work. Be back to finish soon....

Ah, I likes when internets does mah bidding. My real topic of today's post is SWEET POTATOES. My ex-roomie, the infamous Michael Van Patrick Lemons, ate sweet pototoes (and watermelon) like it was his last day on Earth and if he didn't eat all of it then, he'd never eat it again. And, you know what, Mike is cut, lean and honestly, doesn't consciously workout often. I mean, he's active but it's not like he was ever lifting weights or purposefully strength training. Now, I understand, it was diet. Mike, may not have been the best at doing the dishes, but by God, he had the food right!

If YOU have not gotten some sweet potato in your life, DO IT NOW. Seriously, I made some of that sweet potato whipped with lime and cayenne thing. It's da bomb! I shoveled it in by the spoonful until my weighed bowl was empty and I longingly looked at the tupperware container for more. But, no! b/c I also had kale steamed, then sauteed in garlic, a couple sundried tomatoes, a little olive oil and crushed red pepper, then added some red wine vinegar for an extra kick. Also, divine.

Elena, please keep the food pictures and posts coming...you are my food inspiration. I go to your blog constantly for ideas. And, Royce, I picked up some red quinoa b/c you are always eating quinoa and I've NEVER had it. I plan to make a quinoa tabouleh this weekend.

Alrighty, I really do need to go work out now! And, btw, seriously, thanks for the shout-outs on your blogs. Knowing that my ability to enjoy pain inspires y'all to embrace the pain inspires me to work even harder and really push through those lasts reps in a set. It's like a vicious inspiration cycle....or beautiful inspiration circle...or something like that.

Update: V-sits may be the perfect form of torture. Honestly, I had to laugh at myself as I tried to do a perfect 2nd set, an exercise in futility really. At least it was comical. Floor jumps, fun, but ouch, and they were really scary to my cat. Chicken wing...I'm going to share this b/c I've noticed this weakness in myself a lot in the shoulder exercises. Be careful not to bend your wrists. If I don't pay close attention, I bend them and it totally changes the exercise. Straight wrists = intense burn. Bent wrists = no burn. Hopefully, I didn't pre-empt any pro-tips. :) Speaking of pro-tips, do you seriously get a headache if your heels touch when jumping rope or are you just making that up to be sure that we're reading the pro-tips?

And, I did ONE of Mrs. Obama's criss-cross moves! But, ha, it was hard. Must keep practicing for fun.

Day 23 - My dirty little secret

2010-06-23T17:35:00.000-07:00

You ready?

Ok...here it is.

I actually think I like the diet and the workouts. OMG! I said, it ok! Even though the diet was a bit hectic at first and definitely still requires a good portion of my time. I LOVE all the food I'm eating, a lot. I still miss salt. I'm not going to lie. But, finding creative ways to cook and flavor my food without salt is FUN. I had a friend over for dinner last night. She wanted to eat what I was eating...PCP style. So, I marinated some chunked chicken breast in a balsamic based marinade, and seasoned a super fresh piece of grouper (my boss fishes and gives us fish as a perk) with dill, lemon juice & garlic. I also lightly brushed some baby bellas with an olive oil dressing and grilled it all. We had fresh sliced tomato and roasted some YUMMY potatoes with all kinds of fresh herbs I have growing in my yard. My only problem with the meal is that I couldn't EAT MORE OF IT. :) Especially the grouper.

Onto the workouts. Yes, I enjoy them. I feel good after them. Well, actually, sometimes the jump rope pisses me off. After my swim Monday morning, I wish I had a pool in my backyard to do laps in as cardio every morning, but I don't. And, for that matter, I can't carry a pool everywhere I go. The jump rope is handy in that sense. I will learn to love it, just like I learned to love and appreciate a good run.

The strength training is a completely different matter. I look forward to it. I can't wait to try some of the new stuff on our list. It's exciting. And, even when I'm cursing at the ceiling in pain, I'm secretly loving it. It's like my body is screaming, "Yes! Please! Give me more!" Perhaps I like torturing myself....well, not perhaps, I think I do like torturing myself. Being in intense, uncomfortable, even painful situations reminds me that I'm alive, maybe? I don't really know. Why do I always have to psycho-analyze myself? (See the internal dialogue happening there.)

ANYWAY, I do like being comfortable, happy, even spoiled, but at the same time, I'm not sure that I would know that I was comfortable, happy or being spoiled without really experiencing the antithesis to those feelings. And, bringing it back to this situation, all this work, effort and pain gives me more energy and makes me feel happier and more alive on a regular basis. I had a great day today. I wasn't tired at all. I wasn't really overly hungry at any point. I got some work done. I even completed a task I've been putting off for months because it just seemed so unpleasant. But, now, it's done. Weight lifted. That's right! Bring it, PCP!

And, Go TEAM SEXAAAY!!! All the pictures looked amazing this week. We are working it out!

Day 21 - Gross bodily functions

2010-06-21T17:59:00.001-07:00

Yes, that is the topic of today's blog. If gross bodily functions make you want to hurl, I suggest foregoing this post. If they make you laugh hysterically, then you should read on.

So, I've noticed some interesting changes in my body and its general functioning.

1) I've been really gassy lately (I told you! This post is about gross bodily functions. Deal with it!) Gassy from both ends. I feel especially sorry for my office mate. But, seriously though. I'm burping all the time! I mean, don't get me wrong...I've always been a talented burper. It's my thing. I've got this amazing sound projection. Such that, it sounds like a 300 lb man burp coming out of my 100 lb lady frame. It really throws people off. But, it's happening way more frequently now, like after most meals. And, the gas from the other end is always there lurking, waiting to urgently escape my body at the most inopportune times. I don't really know what's causing it...all the veggies, my egg in the morning, meh, who knows? Perhaps it will subside...

2) Yesterday was the start of "that time of the month" for me. The big surprise here was less cramping. I had some small cramps, so I knew what was coming. But, I barely felt them...when often in the past, I'd wake up in the middle of the night from the pain. The only relief was ibuprofen. Either the cramps are less or I'm developing a much higher pain tolerance. I'm fine with either of the above options. Anything that equals less pain is fine by me!

3) Ok, this one kinda trips me out. When we got Patrick's email about the changes that might occur and he mentioned the pooing after every meal bit, I sorta scoffed at that particular change. I thought, "PUHHLEEASSE!" I've been regular since I can remember...one a day, 5-10 minutes after waking. How is that going to change in 3 weeks? But, Patrick, you were right. It's started. After every lunch, bam!, the urge is upon me. Dinnertime, not so much yet. But, breakfast & lunch, yep. I'm not sure how I feel about this, though. I kinda like getting that shit (hahaha!, stupid pun intended) out of the way early. :-/ I mean, I guess I'll have to get more comfortable dropping a load in public restrooms. ~sigh~

As a general update, the weekend went fine. No beer or cupcakes passed these lips. I stuck to the workouts. Well, actually, I subbed a 6 mile run for jumping on Sunday. It was nice, but I plan on cutting back on running after the 4th. However, I went swimming this morning with a friend of mine. That might become a regular Monday event....along with jumping. I sooooo enjoyed the feeling of the water against all my muscles as I swam. LOVE swimming. I was on the swim team in high school so my body easily falls back into my training from then (15 years ago, %$@$%#%!!!). And, it's so fun to back stroke in an outside pool, lay back and watch the sun rise! Yes, a regular Monday event.

Alrighty, kiddies! I leave you with this, the milkshake of the GODS:

3/4 frozen bananas to 1/4 frozen blueberries, milk, dash of cocoa powder, cinnamon, even smaller dashes of nutmeg, cardamom, blend. DRINK!!! But, not too fast, or you'll get brain freeze like me.

I found it!

2010-06-19T04:26:00.001-07:00

Just reassuring y'all that I found my ass...in some new shorts and some clearance jeans at Old Navy. Thank God! I missed it for a day.

I didn't sleep well last night but going to do the workouts right now! before going to the springs today.

2 notes, Elena, I have crazy gas! Maybe I need to start eating the veggies you're eating! Also, I went for a 3 mile run last night...you know, trying to at least keep my legs a little used to the sensation for the Peachtree Road Race on July 4. I rocked my run last night. It felt so good, so smooth, and I ran much faster than I think I have in a long time, without feeling overly winded. It makes me feel like something really is happening in there.

Day 18 - A Quickie

2010-06-18T05:09:00.002-07:00

ENERGY! - Weeeeeeee!

So, I think I left my ass somewhere back in last week...Good-bye Ass! Hello Butt Muscles? I have contentedly let go of my ass and am patiently awaiting for the butt muscles to take its place. I have faith considering how much easier the lunges felt this morning. I even pushed through some extras!

And, I found a rhythm with the jump rope, too. I might even say I'm really starting to enjoy these workouts!

The cheap work-out shorts I've worn for 5 years are now just sorta hanging on my frame...there's a shape in there, I just can't see it. SO, I'm going to Target TODAY and getting a few pairs of form-fitting shorts. Ones that will stretch or shrink so that I can see what the hell is going on there. I need new ones anyway...the elastic failed in these like a year ago. I'm just too cheap to go buy new ones, but now, they really just don't fit.

I did, however, just get a new bathing suit in the mail yesterday. My old ones were also years old and the elastic was starting to fail. HEY, at least I wear things until they're done! I may even take my updated pics this week in my cute new bikini! It is awfully cute!

Have a great weekend, Team SEXAAY!!!! AKA The Great Pi'ed Pipers. Personally, I like them both...but, I like yelling GO TEAM SEXAAAY!!!! when I'm feeling pumped. :) Let's stick with that for our team cheer and be the Pi'ed Pipers on the side.

Day 17 - Strong mind, strong body

2010-06-17T03:58:00.000-07:00

This story is brought to you by Lemons/Spivak Adventures, Inc. and dedicated to all fellow PCPers, past & present, but most especially to Team Pi'ed Pipers as we struggle through this climb together.

I decided to tell this story, mostly because I feel like we're all at a point where it is relevant. And, as I was stumbling through jumps yesterday morning, fighting grogginess ALL DAY and feeling strange insecurities, I thought about this moment in my life and it kept me focused on my goals.

Over Spring Break, I traveled to Hawaii (a feat in itself, LONG way from Florida!), the Big Island specifically, to visit my ex-roomie, soul-brother in life, Michael Van Patrick Lemons. Yes, he sounds very distinguished, doesn't he? Haha! Distinguished in a "special" sort of way. :) Also, his best friend, Alex Spivak, and Alex's beautiful lady friend, Brittney Tigerlily, were flying from Gainesville to be present for Spring Break festivities. Mike wanted to give us the BEST vacation EVAH! Seriously, that was his goal, so he planned for us to hike to Waimanu valley from Waipio lookout. A 18-mile roundtrip hike, but according to Lemons, "it's the most beautiful place on Earth." We're all in decent shape, so we thought, yeah, definitely, we want to see the "most beautiful place on Earth." Enter Mike's girlfriend, always practical, no-nonsense Jessica. She's a Hawaii resident and knows what we're about to get ourselves into...does a little research, finds that the trail is traversable but warns us that it ain't no spring picnic. This is a serious hike for serious hikers! Uh-oh!, but she still comes with us. ;-)

I don't think I've ever seen a more serious group of hikers! :) The beginning wasn't so bad! It was all paved, downhill, but STEEP. We reached the bottom, still smiling, still having fun, still looking excitedly into the future. I think the moment I started to doubt our preparedness for what was ahead was crossing the first river...flowing through Waipio valley into the Pacific. My pack was HEAVY. All of our packs were HEAVY. Mike wanted us to eat good...I mean, he cooked and packed jambalaya for God's sake. And, it was good, trust me, but here's where he went wrong. He pre-cooked all rice and noodles. We were all carrying gallons of water. We were loaded, and Mike most of all, God bless his soul. He was our pack-mule. But, fighting the river current and the incoming tide with a pack that probably weighed more than half of me was nearly a disaster.

At that point, I got nervous, real nervous. And, then we reached this:

What you're looking at is that hill (er, excuse me, mountain, to the left)...there's a z-trail cut into the side. From the Waipio lookout, I thought, "Psshaw! Easy!" From the bottom of the z-trail and after my river crossing, I thought, "What have I gotten myself into?" We started up. The first half was tough, but we took a break at about halfway, got our breath and thought okay, we've got this. But, it got worse, big rocks that required a lot of effort to climb for a shorty like myself and with at least 50 lbs on my back, my legs started to fail. I actually stopped and said I can't go further, I have to lighten my load. I took out a bag of cooked noodles and said if noone else was willing to carry them, I was going to throw the damn things down the mountain. I meant it. Spivak volunteered. So, a bag o' noodles and a jar of peanut butter lighter, I was back up and running, well, okay climbing, slowly. I started chanting this mantra under my breath as I chugged up the trail, "Strong mind, strong body; strong mind, strong body; strong mind, strong body." It uplifted me, focused me and all of the sudden the trail started to level out. I stopped, I looked back, this is what I saw...

Spivak slurping noodles so he wouldn't have to carry them any further. Hahaha! No, I saw my team...through dogged persistence and support of each other, we made it to the top of the first z-trail. After that, there were ups & downs, crazy moments, scary moments, but once we'd made it past that first intense mind-fuck of a challenge, we knew we'd be fine. Well, at least, I knew we'd be fine. :) Not sure about the rest of the group...

I think this parallels nicely to the moment we're at right now in the climb to peak condition. We're just starting, it's tough to fit this crazy new thing into our already insane lives...we're doubting whether this is really right for us. But, if we can make it to the end of this week and really start to see results, we may very well make it to our own Waimanu valley:

The most beautiful place on Earth! When I feel down, really down, I think, "Remember Waimanu!" And, when I'm painfully pushing through the last of those horrendous sit-ups, I chant, "Strong mind, strong body." It helps. Find a mantra that fits you, make it yours and let it motivate you all the way to the end!

Go Team Pi'ed Pipers!!!

Okay, y'all, I know this was a long post, but you may not hear from me until closer to the end of the weekend. It's going to be a busy one and blogging won't be a top priority. But, I promise you, I'm here and I'm sticking to it. Mostly, I don't want to let y'all down. No beer and no tastey birthday cupcakes for me this weekend (big party on Saturday).

Day 16 - Irrational fears?

2010-06-16T04:59:00.000-07:00

I have a couple concerns that I thought I'd voice, since hey, that's what this blog is for, yes?! I worry about looking like a skeleton or something by the end of this...I mean, I like my curves. I don't want them to go away. For the most part, I feel like I'm getting plenty of food. I was super hungry by lunch, but full after, and super duper hungry by dinner, and yes, full after...especially after my fruit snack and milk (loving the milk after dinner! helps me relax and fall asleep!) I'm going for toned and fit, not super muscle builder woman or skinny, wraith lady. Just toned and fit. Anyway, I know already these are irrational fears but they still creep in when I'm at my desk just before heading home from work and feeling my stomach wanting food.

Also, I've noticed my pants are looser now. Most definitely. I put on a pair the other day that I used to think made my ass look nice and now it looks like there isn't an ass in there. They just hang. Overall, my shape is the same but the size is a little different now. I almost put on a belt because the bottoms were dragging the ground. So, what's the problem with that? I can't afford a whole new wardrobe! Shit!!!! Well, maybe I'll only need some new jeans/pants. Perhaps I should start the buy jenny new jeans fund...

Workouts are going good. Although I think Royce's bad jumping karma creeped it's way down here to Gainesville...my jumprope was also making me very angry this morning. But, the strength exercises were good. Nice burn on all of them, collapsed at the end of the push-ups and had to use other muscles to get myself back off the ground.

Ok, off to work! Ta-ta for now!

Day 14 - Heat is ON!

2010-06-14T12:46:00.000-07:00

It's summertime in Florida! No doubt. June is always the hottest month for some reason. Temp is 97 F outside (heat index 106 F) and 91.5 F (heat index f***ing HOT F) in my house. Seriously, no joke. Yes, yes, I know. I'm insane!!! Well, it keeps the electric bill mighty low, and for the most part, I acclimatize to the heat well. Meaning, I walk around in as little clothes as possible (see why I need a fabulous body???) and take multiple cold rinse offs if I'm at home. Plus, really, most of my weekdays are spent in frigid climate control. I let them pay to keep me cool. My water is back up and running, so that's good. I took a personal day from work today...we were well caught up and I barely slept last night, which really sucks! I don't know why, but my mind just would not quiet down. And, let's face it, it was pretty hot. I'm so glad today is an easier work out day. I'm hoping I fall right to sleep tonight...I usually don't have sleeping problems.

After reading the posts about my teammates cravings, I want to share my own. For some reason on Friday, I wanted some Cheddar Jack Cheez-Its something awful. I kept picturing the box and me ravaging it!! Oh GOD, they are sooooooo good. And, today, I turned down my most favoritest of chocolaty treats. A chunk of special dark Hersheys chocolate with an almond in the center. Bite sized and delicious, but I said no. :( Still sad about it. OH, and last night, I was doing laundry at a friend's house...opened her fridge to get some water and lo & behold, a beautiful cold beer beckoned me to drink it. I RAN screaming! No, no, I just poured my water and thought how nice it would be to relax my tense body after a long afternoon mowing grass in the 90 degree heat with an ice cold beer. Ah well, I need the practice saying no and learning to control my urges.

A side note, since I've cut the salt in my diet and focused on drinking mostly water and sugar free iced tea...my sweat tastes like spring water instead of ocean water. Interesting.

Day 13 - Explosion

2010-06-13T17:40:00.000-07:00

And, not the good kind. This morning, while jumping, I watched the motor on my water pump start smoking and explode. Not a gigantic explosion. It just popped its top. Very dramatic, though. All the sudden I was without water. I have contingency plans in order for these situations, mostly in case of hurricanes. But, all these contingency plans equal extra work all 'round.

But, I've cooked enough food to feed an army and I'm ready for the week. Laundry, check. Shower, check. Garden watered, shit! :) Ah well, some things you just have to let go of and hope it works out. Keep your fingers crossed that the pump is fixed by tomorrow. Life sucks without water, esp. when it's in the upper 90's and the only respite from the heat are cold showers (lots of them) and mooching off of friend's A/C.

Day 12 - Blueberries and balance

2010-06-12T08:46:00.000-07:00

I went blueberry picking Thursday evening with some friends. Last year, they found this old run-down blueberry farm that is no longer in operation. It's semi-guarded by a couple of hippies that squat the land and live in a bus (that no longer runs, of course). So, we had to pay a price to pass..let's just say we gave them a little bag of happiness. And, they were happy! They felt so generous after receiving their gift that they even showed us the beginnings of their bamboo sweatlodge, complete with the cutest little alter ever! Maybe it's the hippie inside of me, but I like the fact that even in US cities (Gainesville is good size), there are places where people can squat and eek out a living on the land. Personally, I wouldn't choose their lifestyle, but their camp was tidy and clean. They were rough looking dudes and perhaps a bit slow after years of drugs, but they were super nice and generous. Anyway, please refer to pic for my blueberry haul! Woot! I LOVE blueberries!! These should last me for a little while....

Now, I want to reflect a bit on my focus activity, balance. The beginning of this week was difficult. I just wasn't prepared enough for the switch in diet and found myself running out of time to do all that I need to do, including work, keeping my house & garden/yard, working out and prepping food while also trying to maintain a social life. My sleep has suffered, and I know this is something I'm going to need to remedy as the weeks continue. Honestly, I haven't felt overly tired...except Wednesday when I was totally grouchy because I'd only slept 4.5 hours the night before. I don't like getting less than 7 hours sleep. But, part of this project is finding that happy medium, that balance in life. With that in mind, I decided to say no to some movie watching at a friend's house and stay home tonight, to read and rest. I need the rest.

Patrick, this is for you, in reference to your email this evening. I want you to know that I had muscle failure on almost every exercise this morning. When all was said and done, I just layed on the floor like a puddle of mush after screaming through the last of my sit-ups. When I say scream, I don't mean fast like lightning, I mean curse at the ceiling. But, I did it and it hurt. I meditated on the floor until I felt I was ready to move my muscles again. It was an intense workout day, and I NEED my rest tonight. I can't wait to crawl into that beautiful bed.

Last thing...got this easy, quick recipe from a friend. Cottage cheese, avocado, cracked black pepper and Mrs. Dash table blend (no salt!, no MSG!)...it was a great snack and would be awesome for breakfast!

Day 10 - Good NPR day

2010-06-10T11:35:00.000-07:00

2 inspiring NPR stories today.

#1. I was listening to a Hearing Voices Podcast at work this morning, Radio Dial was the episode. In it they interviewed this dude that records the radio signals (sounds) emitted by stars and played some of his recordings. I don't really know how to describe the beauty of star sounds, maybe think of how you would imagine the cosmos to sound, and really, that's how they sound. I was deeply moved by the knowledge that stars sing and we can hear them. I don't know why, but there is something incredibly comforting about that to me. And, it made me think of this hilarious but pretty cool video:

We are made of star stuff! Haha! Seriously, if we're made of star stuff, then we are capable of awesomeness, definitely capable of finishing the PCP successfully.

#2. Kids Kicking Cancer. Heard about this on Human Kind. Wow! Teaching kids martial arts and meditation techniques to overcome the pain of cancer and treatment, and for some, to ultimately overcome the disease. Thank you NPR for your reminder that there is much beauty in this world.

It's been a good PCP day. I've discovered that I LOVE, LOVE soft-boiled eggs, mashed up with avocado, a little black pepper and a couple teeny weeny dashes of Marie Sharp's (Belizean habanero hot sauce, yes, technically a no-no, but I equate it with mustard, it takes so little to feel the burn). Spread egg/avo mixture across a piece of wheat toast. A keeper! Also, I found a resistance band that's light enough to successfully do the shoulder work. Booyah! No longer grumpy. :)

Dear Salt,

2010-06-09T16:43:00.000-07:00

I love you. I miss you, but please stop mocking me. I would especially appreciate it if you would ask my co-workers not to tempt me with buttery feta, spinach stuffed pastries and fabulously saucy meatballs. And, maybe if you wouldn't mind, please ask them not to give me dirty looks when I turn down their evil goodies.

Grumpy in Gainesville

Day 8 - CHAOS

2010-06-08T19:46:00.001-07:00

Ok, first, I need to get something of my chest $^@%*!$*%&!()*$!!!!!! I feel better. I've been waiting all day to let that out. Wow, it's been a long, long crazy day. But, let me start with my last non-PCP meal. Pizza! I had a very specific place in mind, Big Lou's...good pizza and a huge variety of toppings. I called at 9PM to place a pick-up order....the lady on the other end said, we're closed for the night. Ummmmm...you're what???? Ooooookay, back up plan. Satchel's. Closed on Mondays. Shit. I was not about to get my last pizza slice for months from Five Star, the late night drunk pizza place. But, I worked it out. See product below.

And, me enjoying said product.

Fast forward to this morning. For some reason, I thought I was prepared to deal with this change in diet. I was sorely mistaken. I mean, wtf, Patrick! Is this like a shock and awe? Bam, here's your new diets, mid-week, go! Really, I guess it's more like sink or swim. I stayed above water, barely. It took me an hour and a half to pull together breakfast and lunch for the day. I kept reaching for things I would have used before realizing that they were now deemed no touchies! ARGH!!! Stupid habits. I looked longingly at the last of my blueberry frosted mini-wheats. Oh, how easy to just pour in bowl, add milk and eat. Personally, I like my food to taste good. I can't say that I felt that much of the food I ate for breakfast or lunch really tasted good. It was ok, just not good. Well, the peaches and blueberries were f'n awesome, actually! Part of the problem was that I hadn't planned for the protein. So, ended up opening a can of tuna and sadly realized I could not add mayonnaise. :(!!! So, I tried the last of my plain low fat yogurt. It was weird, edible, but weird. I'll spare you the rest of the details. Let's just say, I made it, by the skin of my teeth. I stopped at the grocery store tonight. I'm stocked on shrimp, fish & scallops now.

But, Patrick made up for this sink or swim strategy by informing me that a little fresh coconut in my rice was ok. If I could reach you, I'd hug you. Good news is, I probably burned more calories trying to open it than I gained eating it. The small glass of coconut water in the glass to the left was delicious in my rice tonight.

Accompanied by black beans (yum!) and steamed zucchini with a little lime juice squeezed over the top. A decent end to an interestingly difficult food day. The workout was nice tonight. I saved it for the evening, and it was cool and breezy outside. Everything went well, but I had the same problem as Royce with the Davincis. I pulled as high as I could...definitely felt like I was working. My push-ups are actually amazing me. I've never been good at them before, but I'm rocking them right now.

Alright, the Paddle down here in Gainesville is signing out. Still, need to prep a couple things before bedtime.

P.S. If any of you like good music (and I'm sure you all do), the new Damian Marley/Nas collaboration is awesome! Distant Relatives, check it out. It kept me company in the kitchen tonight. x's & o's!

Day 6 - Ouch!

2010-06-06T13:28:00.000-07:00

My butt hurts...and the backs of my thighs! Owie, owie, owie! I can't decide if it's from increasing the squats, from walking around for 3 hours in ridiculously high (but sexy) heels or from dancing for 2 hours late into the night. I don't know, but damn. I had a late night snack when I got home last night. A cup of milk & a handful of blueberries. I like to drink milk before I go to bed if I'm a little wired. Calms me somehow. And, I'm sorry, but it's WAY too hot & muggy in Florida right now to drink chamomile tea before bed. My house is without A/C, so this time of year, I prefer iced drinks. I wonder if chamomile tea is good cold?

I have not done the exercises yet today, but will take care of them soon. I got up and went peach picking this morning with some friends. I brought back 7 lbs of peaches. I sure hope that fruit is in the diet this week, cause I got some peach eatin' in my future. For breakfast, I had an egg scrambled with a little bit of cheese, half a potato (fried) and some watermelon. Lunch, 1/2 bratwrust (still some in fridge) and cucumber/yogurt/mint salad. Not sure about dinner yet. I'll have to root through the fridge. I don't want to do any shopping until I know more clearly what I need to be shopping for this week.

Okay, off to catch up on everyone's posts & start checking some of the stuff off of today's to do list.

UPDATE: Work-out complete. Jumprope + humidity = hell? Ridiculous humidity this afternoon! Florida summers, how I love you! By the end of my sets of push-ups, I was dripping streams of sweat on my towel.

Day 5 - Murder & Dancing

2010-06-05T20:13:00.000-07:00

A quick post before I head out for some 80's dancing tonight! Woohoo! So far, success on the no beer resolve. And, let me tell you, it was not easy. I just got home from a Murder Mystery party (A Knight of Murder) hosted by people I don't really know all that well. But, almost everybody else knew everybody else. Not drinking at an event where I have to dress up, play a character and interact with a bunch of people I barely know...well, it ain't no cake walk. Still, I had fun!

As a general update, it's been a light food day, but I treated myself to a spicy tuna roll. So worth it! The workout was a little tough this morning. Maybe because I went to bed so late? About 1AMish. I'm an early riser, so even when I go to bed late, I still tend to wake up early. I've been doing bigger sets of jumps. So, I did two 140 this morning and one 70. But, I tripped a lot in the second 140 and I was pretty winded by the end. I did 3 sets of 8 plank push-ups, until failure on the 4th set...and, I switched back to knees. But, still, I was proud of that accomplishment and totally dripping sweat on the floor by the end. The sit-ups were a challenge to but pushed through them. All in all, good day.

Alrighty, off to shake my ass to a little Madonna and possibly some New Order & Prince!

Day 4 - Reach for the sun

2010-06-04T16:30:00.001-07:00

I'm calling this the little sunflower that could. She survived the initial deer invasion that devastated my other sunflowers. The ones I replanted are half as tall as this proud lady. She stretched her leaves to the sun and reached 9 ft. before revealing her beautiful face to the world. I kinda thought she could inspire us to continue the climb to the peak.

And, with that, I'm off to face the weekend. My biggest challenge this weekend...stay away from the drinking! On the schedule for this evening is watching this fabulously horrible version of Sherlock Holmes (same folks that made Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, a must see), but these types of movies usually involve some serious drinking. I will keep my resolve. No beer shall pass these lips!

Day 4 complete and onto Day 5. Enjoy your Friday, m'lovies!

On soreness

2010-06-03T20:28:00.000-07:00

Since there's been a little discussion on soreness, I thought I'd relate a story about a group class I went to at the UF gym. Boot camp. I'm not really sure why boot camp sounded like something I'd want to do, but well, I like challenging myself (seems like perhaps we all do to take on the PCP)...and, when I say challenge myself, I mean push myself to find my breaking point. Boot camp seems like the logical place to go for this sort of "challenge" (aka evil torture). So, I go to this group class, and they bust my ass...the kind of ass busting that results in muscles that barely move the next day. I waddled around work the day after looking all sad. Even sitting was a chore. And, then came day two, I should have just stayed home with a bottle of ibuprofen and a bubble bath. I recovered in just enough time to go back for boot camp torture the next week. This lasted for 3 weeks until I started my qualifications exams (a different kind of torture) and boot camp fell the wayside.

I relate this story mostly to thank Patrick for easing us in....our muscles are sore, yes, but this seems like a much more healthy sore than the boot camp after-waddle. Anyway, glad to hear everyone is holding up against the soreness. Pain, a sensation to remind us that we are, indeed, still alive!

Day 3, workout went fine. I decided I have to wear long pants for the jumps outside. Yesterday, the mosquitos ate me alive! Little blood-sucking bastards! I did all the strength work inside. Seems to work better that way. I hooked my feet under my sofa for the sit-ups and it was MUCH more effective. My abs were sore and I could really feel the burn this morning. So, something is happening in there. I love the push-up bars. Those are the greatest little things ever...they give me a good work-out and save my right wrist from a good amount of pain.

Food. I have some brats left in my fridge from a cook-out this weekend. So, I ate half a brat with a small sliver of cheese for breakfast and the other half for lunch. I could feel the lunch brat...even half was heavy on my stomach after eating light for the last couple days. Please refer to pic below for dinner. I ended up only eating half of the sauteed zucchini. I just wasn't super hungry and saved it for breakfast. Also had a small salad with various veggies for lunch and a handful of blueberries for a snack. Drank the last good beer out of my fridge. Done, beer all gone. And, my girl made that mock apple (zucchini) pie tonight. So, I had a small spoonful with a spoonful of vanilla ice cream. It was GOOD!

Okay, night y'all! Hope Day Four treats you well tomorrow.

Limits - Special Motivational Post

2010-06-03T03:45:00.000-07:00

WNYC - Radiolab » Limits

This is a motivational piece for my PCP group. I'm sharing this NPR podcast on the limits of the human body and mind, because I found it to be fascinating and topical. Take a listen. I think this is one of the best radio shows around right now...along with This American Life & Hearing Voices.

Enjoy!

Cravings? What cravings?

2010-06-02T18:13:00.000-07:00

Mmmmmm....beer. Seriously, in my non-PCP life, it was a rough day. Personal drama, trust me, you don't want to know. But when I got home, this beautiful ice cold beer looked refreshing and delicious. Luckily, we are still on half diets, so the half I recapped and did not drink with my fish taco last night was waiting for me. And, yes, it was refreshing AND delicious. But, this picture represents the last of these beautiful Fire Rock Pale Ales hanging out in my fridge. I promise not to buy anymore. You know, I was surprised at how well a half beer quieted my hunger pangs.

Half-diet is going well. Hunger pangs are most severe from 11 AM to 6-7ish in the evening. I can't explain it. I'm fine in the morning, eat breakfast and fine until almost lunchtime. Eat my half lunch, still hungry, hungry for the rest of the day and then bam, I eat a small dinner and I feel ok again. Any ideas? Why those hours specifically?

Work-out went well. The leg lifts were definitely challenging...I felt them. And, I am definitely sore from push-ups. I made it out for a 3 mile run this morning, too. So, all in all, things are going well in my PCP life.

Maybe I am crazy, but it's the good kind

2010-06-01T09:53:00.003-07:00

Ok, so it's Day One of PCP. Before I send this blog out to family and friends and post it all over Facebook, I would like to answer the question, "why? why in the hell am I choosing to "torture" myself into peak condition?" I know, I'm skinny, small...I don't need to lose weight. I've gotten the kind of looks that say, "what, that's not good enough for you?" Well, the answer is yes and no. I'm happy with my body, but at the same time, I want to know...what will it look like in peak condition? How will I feel in peak condition? I can't answer those questions right now, and this project is part of seeking those answers.

But, there's more to it. The last year, especially up until January has been a trying ride. An emotional rollercoaster, really...and, it's felt like a rollercoaster. Completely and totally out of my control. But, at the same time, even when there are factors out of my control, I always control my emotional reaction to those things. In a way, with this project, I'm seeking control. Controlling emotions is difficult. It takes training and honesty with oneself. In a way, I'm starting small...controlling what goes into my body and how I treat my body. Once I master that, I can move onto other issues and maybe really start to feel more of a handle on my life.

The last issue is my ability to follow-thru on a project. I recently decided to take a break from my PhD. I'm not sure if I will come back and finish it. The future is open right now. But, it was a hard decision to make...walking away from something I've already dedicated 4 years to is scary. It makes me wonder, have I lost my ability to follow-thru? What's wrong with me that I can't finish this project that I started? But, it feels like the right move, so I'm sticking with my decision. In a way, I think starting and completing this project is a big part of showing myself that I can commit and see something thru to the end.

So, there you go. Does that answer the question? :) I am crazy, but really, aren't we all?

Just to update you on how day one is going....work-out completed without too much trouble. Push-ups were a bit challenging but I completed them. The rest felt pretty easy. The challenging part right now, though. I'm hungry! Oh god, am I hungry! I kind of feel like I eat small portions anyway, so cutting them in half makes me feel like I'm eating nothing. For breakfast, half a hard-boiled egg, half a bowl of blueberry mini-wheats with a small handful of blueberries...and some coffee with a bit of Coffeemate. Lunch, half a 6-inch turkey/ham sub, extra veggies and a bag of apple slices. I ate all the apple slices, b/c dude, they were only 35 calories and I'd normally eat a whole bag of chips. Oh, and unsweet tea. Dinner will probably be a fish taco and a small scoop of ice cream with blueberries. Soooooo hungry! :)

Bountiful harvest

2010-05-29T15:59:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to think that I should have chosen gardening as my special activity. Meet my garden; that is a 7 ft mammoth sunflower in the middle. Also in the garden zucchini, okra, nasturtiums, pole beans, various herbs, etc. All kinds of goodies.

Not bad, not bad. Now that I've figured out how to keep the deer out, it's thriving. Check out this morning's harvest. I'm actually quite proud of it. The zucchini was grown organically; I sprayed the okra once when it was not producing, just to give it a break from predation. I guess it liked that b/c now it's starting to produce like crazy. I LOVE fried okra, but must start thinking of other creative ways to cook okra.

SO MUCH ZUCCHINI!! I had zucchini in eggs and hashbrowns for breakfast, extra zucchini in some leftover shrimp/veggie mozzarella pasta for lunch, and tonight, fish tacos with shredded zucchini, which I must say is surprisingly yummy! Just to give y'all some perspective, the zucchini at the top is 4.5 lbs, really....see proof below.

All told, I harvested 10 lbs of zucchini this morning. Add that to the 5 lbs already in my fridge...I wonder if I can pack 15 lbs of zucchini into my body. Luckily, a friend took the massive 4.5 lber off my hands to make a mock apple pie. Hopefully, she'll get that made before Tuesday. :) You'd be surprised how easy it is to make zucchini taste like apples...fresh out of the oven zucchini pie, add a little vanilla ice cream. Summertime heaven. And, in summertime spirit, I will be headed to the springs tomorrow for some sun and swimming. Can't wait to soak my body in the cold spring waters....